Why Alcohol Helps Us Connect: Solutions for Developing More Authentic Connections

In the classic sitcom How I Met Your Mother, Barney Stinson frequently relies on his signature catchphrase, “Have you met Ted?” followed by a drink to help break the ice. In real life, we may also find ourselves reaching for a drink to lubricate social interactions. But what if we could build more genuine connections without alcohol?

While alcohol can seem to smooth awkward social interactions or social anxiety, it’s the unfiltered interactions that truly build meaningful relationships. By embracing new strategies for socializing, whether through shared interests, engaging activities, or simply being open and present, we create deeper and more authentic connections. Let’s explore how alcohol affects our social life to understand why skipping the drink can help us form more lasting bonds.

The Role of Alcohol in Social Interactions

Alcohol has played a significant part in celebrations for thousands of years. Ever since tribal hunters came home with a deer carcass for a feast, their fermented beverages — the earliest alcoholic drinks — invariably appeared to wash down the hard-earned meal. What was once a way for the tribe to come together after a hunt became an integral part of all kinds of celebrations. It also was a way for the tribe to develop a sense of community, which was beneficial to their survival. Fast forward to today and the camaraderie of drinking still brings people together. But there’s a downside: the normalcy of alcohol consumption can make social drinking mindless rather than mindful.

Drinking affects our body and mind (more on that later), upping our mood and helping us relax. But do the perceived social benefits outweigh alcohol’s harms? Some may say the positive feelings are worth it, arguing that alcohol helps them connect when they otherwise wouldn’t. Why?

Why Alcohol Helps Us Connect

Ever heard the term “liquid courage”? That’s how many folks, especially those who are shy or feel awkward in social situations, think of alcohol. The “courage” comes from the way alcohol affects our body and brain.

When we drink, alcohol enters our bloodstream and travels to our brain and the rest of our body, targeting the central nervous system (CNS). The CNS sends messages within the brain and from the brain to the rest of the body, known as our body’s processing center. It controls most of our body’s functions including movement, thinking, speech, awareness, and our five senses.

Alcohol is a depressant, which means that it slows down our body’s processes. Physiologically, alcohol lowers our heart rate and blood pressure, helping us feel more relaxed. Neurologically, alcohol slows cognitive function, lowering our inhibitions and impairing our thinking. Alcohol also affects certain neurotransmitters (chemical messengers) in our brain. Specifically, it boosts our “feel-good” hormones, dopamine and serotonin, giving us a temporary feeling of pleasure or happiness when drinking. This boost in mood help us feel more relaxed and open to socializing with others. We become more talkative when we drink and say things we wouldn’t say while sober.

Since alcohol stifles our reasoning skills and impacts our usual processes for contemplating the consequences of our actions, we tend to say whatever comes to mind when intoxicated (although it doesn’t necessarily make us more truthful). Alcohol also enhances certain personality traits, which lead to subtle differences in how we act when we’re intoxicated. The different alcohol effects on personality lead to different types of “drunks”: 

• Angry
• Happy
• Reckless
• Affectionate
• Nostalgic
• Denial 
• Chatty 
• Sick 
• Sad
• Sleepy

Recognizing the different types of “drunks” helps us understand individual behaviors, but it’s equally important to address how these behaviors impact our relationships. In addition to these specific effects from imbibing, the mere act of sharing something contributes to social bonding. For example, food is a universal language, regardless of our linguistic or cultural background. Alcohol fits in same category — something we can share regardless of our differing backgrounds or interests. However, while alcohol might facilitate social interactions in some ways, it’s essential to consider the potential consequences alcohol has on our relationships and social connections.

Consequences of Alcohol in Social Connections

Alcohol is so woven into our social fabric that we can become oblivious to its consequences. But alcohol’s presence in our social connections comes with a variety of risks:

• It’s a driver to drink. Social influence is a powerful driver. If we see others drinking, or worse, are pressured to drink by others, we’re more likely to drink.
• It’s hazardous to our health. Drinking can have short-term effects on our health, such as alcohol poisoning, hangovers, and alcohol-related accidents. It also has detrimental long-term effects on our health. Regular, excessive drinking is associated with alcohol dependence, liver damage, cardiovascular disease, GI issues, and much more.
• It’s can become a social crutch. If we continuously use alcohol to make socializing easier, it can become a necessity, increasing our potential for social anxiety or the tendency to avoid social interactions without alcohol.
• It can impact our relationships. Alcohol impairs our thinking and judgment. When alcohol enters the equation, it can lead to rocky relationships, superficial connections, miscommunication, or conflicts.

So, while we might feel that alcohol helps us connect with others, those connections are not always positive ones. To unlearn the deep-rooted practices of social drinking, let’s learn about alternative ways to develop more genuine connections.

Developing Authentic Connections Without Alcohol

The first step in developing authentic connections is understanding what they are. An authentic relationship is one that is built on mutual trust and respect. It allows us to be vulnerable and our genuine selves while allowing the other person to be the same. Key characteristics of genuine relationships include open communication, connection, respect, and vulnerability. So, how can we foster these connections? 

• Open communication. We can foster open communication through active listening and approach conflicts with empathy. 
• Connection. To develop deeper connections, we can explore shared activities and interests. 
• Respect. To be respectful, we can intentionally set boundaries, avoid being judgmental, and acknowledge the other person’s perspective and opinions even if we disagree.
• Vulnerability. We can practice vulnerability by being honest, open to expressing difficult emotions, and sharing more about ourselves.

We can practice these skills by engaging in alternative social activities. Prioritize non-alcoholic gatherings and events, schedule interactive activities, and try mindfulness and wellness practices together. By doing this, we can transition away from alcohol-centered socializing. Let’s take a deeper dive into how we can make this transition effectively.

Transitioning Away From Alcohol-Centered Socializing

We can develop more authentic connections when we transition away from alcohol-centered socializing through these practices: 

• Focus on you. There’s a saying that goes, “Focus on yourself to attract others.” When we become more authentically ourselves, we’ll find people who like us for who we truly are. Focus on self-awareness and taking care of your own needs to help build self-confidence in social settings.
• Lean on others. We can focus on ourselves, but it’s also okay to get support from others. When transitioning away from alcohol, social networks such as sober communities and support groups help us connect with others who may be going through or have gone through similar experiences. 
• Say no. Alcohol may be a common part of social events, but it’s okay to say no. Setting boundaries and managing peer pressure help us shift focus away from alcohol to connect more authentically.
• Find what works for you. Some of us may find that completely avoiding alcohol works better in social settings while others may find that moderation is the better route. Whichever it may be, quitting or cutting back on alcohol has many social benefits. 

Just questioning the role of alcohol in social contexts can be an important step in developing more genuine relationships. Now that we know how to develop more authentic connections, we can take this curiosity to the next level to live healthier, more fulfilling lives by quitting or cutting back on alcohol.

Authenticity Awaits

Alcohol often operates under the guise of social lubricant, bringing people together and helps us connect. But we now know that the connection alcohol promotes isn’t the most authentic. Authentic connections are centered around communication, respect, and vulnerability, all of which alcohol can affect negatively. Although we may feel awkward at first, we can offer a more genuine version of ourselves and attract others who do the same by shifting away from alcohol-centered social interactions. Ditch the booze and choose to connect authentically!