Why Moderation Isn’t Always the Best Strategy for Everyone

You’ve been setting limits and tracking your drinks. Maybe you’ve even strung some sober days together by doing a challenge like Dry January or Sober October. And yet … somehow there’s always a reason for “just one more,” and your efforts to moderate seem like a constant uphill battle.

It might seem like you’re the odd one out. After all, as This Naked Mind author Annie Grace puts it, “Alcohol is the only drug on earth you have to justify NOT taking.” However, rest assured — you’re not! According to a 2023 Gallup survey, only 62% of adults in the U.S. drink. That leaves over a third — 38% — who stay away from booze completely!

And while the abstainers might be keeping alcohol out of their lives for any number of reasons, many found that moderation wasn’t for them. Let’s explore why some of us can’t “have just one” — and why some of us might not want to.

Hangovers: Behind the Scenes

The CDC defines moderate drinking as two drinks or less for men and one drink or less for women. But as we all know, it’s not a “one size fits all” situation: what’s right for one person isn’t necessarily right for the next. Besides, our needs evolve — what was right for us at one point isn’t necessarily what we need right now. Many people find that moderation simply isn’t for them. Now, let’s dig deeper into the science behind the pitfalls of moderate drinking.

1. Alcohol Is Addictive — and Some of Us Crave It More

First things first: alcohol is habit-forming by its very nature. It works by flooding our brain with dopamine — the neurotransmitter that “rewards” us with a boost of pleasure and keeps us coming back for more. The reward system evolved to keep healthy habits — such as eating, socializing, and getting frisky with a romantic partner — alive in order to ensure our survival. Unfortunately, it’s easy to hijack: and substances such as alcohol do just that.

But while the brain chemistry behind alcohol’s effects is the same for everyone, in some people the “pull” is stronger than in others. For example, research shows that individual differences in the dopamine-driven reward pathways lead to different alcohol consumption patterns. In other words, some of us are wired to “get more out of” alcohol than others. One research team even located a specific genetic marker that might explain the difference. Mice that lacked a gene coding for a dopamine receptor (D2) were more likely to seek external stimulation — in this case, alcohol — to get the feeling of reward they had more trouble achieving naturally.

Moreover, as many of us have experienced firsthand, alcohol isn’t conducive to making the best decisions. By slowing down the prefrontal cortex, it puts our decision-making center in the backseat as the more impulsive, emotion-driven amygdala gets more active. The result? Our plans to moderate might go out the window after the first drink.

2. The Body “Remembers” Past Alcohol Misuse 

Moreover, those of us who misused alcohol in the past might have greater trouble moderating — even if we stay away from booze for a number of years. It might seem counterintuitive: if we stayed alcohol-free for so long, surely we can have a drink or two? And yet many of us find that we “can’t have just one,” often with dire consequences and a whole lot of regret. (That said, setbacks happen and it’s okay — the important thing is to find the right path for you!)

What’s behind this sneak attack that booze seems to stage? Scientists now know that alcohol misuse can leave lasting changes in reward pathways in the brain. So even if we could, indeed, “just have one” back in the day, doing so after a period of misuse — even if it’s followed by a long stretch of abstinence — is a gamble and a potential relapse in the making. (Want to learn more? Check out “Can an Alcoholic Ever Drink Again?”)

3. Moderation Can Be a Slippery Slope

Even if we haven’t misused alcohol in the past, we might find ourselves on the way to doing so when we choose to moderate. The truth is, moderation can be a slippery slope, and it’s hard to tell when we’ve crossed the line into dependence.

Addiction specialist Allen Carr describes this process by using a handy metaphor — sliding down into Niagara Falls:

“Where drugs are concerned ‘It’s all right in moderation’ is like saying … ‘By all means go over Niagara Falls, but don’t go down more than 3 feet.’ The nature of all drug addiction is to fool you into believing that you are in control … and to drag you further and further down. The only difference between Niagara and alcohol is that with Niagara it takes just a few seconds for all victims to reach rock-bottom and disaster. The dangers are therefore very obvious and so very few people become victims. With alcohol we are actually persuaded that it is a good thing to be a victim.”

And while some might indeed be able to moderate and not “fall all the way in,” alcohol use is still a slippery slope. And many of us decide that it’s simply not worth it to find out which group we belong to — those prone to slipping or those who manage to stay safe.

4. Alcohol Isn’t Good for Our Health

Alcohol doesn’t just affect our brain — it affects just about every other system in the body too. Spoiler alert: the effects range from bad to worse. According to the World Health Organization, or WHO, no amount of alcohol is safe. Here are the highlights:

• Liver damage. Alcohol harms the liver, leading to fatty liver, fibrosis, and eventually cirrhosis.
• Blood pressure woes. It causes blood pressure fluctuations, amps up our heart rate, and leads to cardiomyopathy if we overdo it.
• Brain imbalance. Alcohol wreaks havoc on the neurotransmitter balance in the brain and leads to shrinkage in the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus.
• Immune problems. It sabotages our immune system, making it harder for us to fight off infections.
• Sleep disruption. It messes with our sleep patterns, robbing us of the restorative REM stages and leading to brain fog.
• Weight gain. It’s loaded with empty calories and contributes to weight gain, all the while slowing our metabolism behind the scenes.
• Muscle atrophy. It interferes with muscle repair and leads to atrophy, sabotaging our fitness efforts.
• Other organ damage. It can damage the pancreas, gallbladder, and kidneys.

Want to take a deep dive? Check out “How Does Alcohol Affect Your Health?” Understanding these effects alone may just put us off attempting to moderate, especially if we’re having trouble sticking to the recommended limits!

5. Moderation Can Be Draining

Another reason why moderation might not be the best way to go? It’s tiring. Just think about it: moderation calls for daily decision making and sets off a constant “should I or shouldn’t I” soundtrack in our mind.


In scientific terms, the fallout of this yo-yo state is known as decision fatigue. As it turns out, we make as many as 35,000 small (or big) decisions every day. No wonder adding more to the mix makes the brain more likely to “short-circuit,” decreasing our ability or willingness to make any extra ones! 

Science shows that decision fatigue sometimes leads to impulsive behavior and diminishes our ability to evaluate the situation and act in a way that serves our best interests. And given that this is exactly the mindset that acts as a fertile ground for addiction, it might be a setback waiting to happen! 

Moreover, if we slip, we might experience the “anything goes” effect. For example, if we decided to have one drink at a party but ended up having two, we might be tempted to go all out since we weren’t able to stick to the plan.

Having cognitive clarity by eliminating alternatives and sticking to one decision can provide much-needed relief. When the answer to “How many drinks am I having tonight?” is “zero,” we free up space in our mind to fully enjoy what we’re doing and think about other things!

6. Moderation Might Not Make Sense With a Reframed Mindset

Finally, we come to one of the most important reasons to consider as we choose our path. Cutting back on alcohol often involves reframing our mindset around it by bringing to light some of the cognitive distortions we might have once held about booze. For example, if we used to believe that drinking helped us socialize, we might have reframed our understanding by realizing that alcohol does us more harm than good in that department. Authentic interactions happen when people are truly present and engaged, and what looks like “sociability” while we’re drinking is largely a lowering of inhibitions.

Here’s how Annie Grace puts it in This Naked Mind:

“When you completely change your mental (conscious and unconscious) perspective on alcohol, you begin to see the truth about drinking. When this happens, no willpower is required, and it becomes a joy not to drink.” 

Once we shift our relationship with alcohol, it might naturally become irrelevant in our lives. We might find ourselves in the position where drinking in any amount simply doesn’t make sense!

If Moderation Isn’t for You

If you’re finding that moderation isn’t working — or simply doesn’t resonate with your authentic goals — it’s time to take some steps. 

1. Do an honest assessment. Remember, the goal isn’t to judge yourself — you didn’t “fail” at moderation. It simply hasn’t been working for you! Writing out your thoughts can be a great way to explore your current relationship with alcohol and start charting a new course.
2. Approach with curiosity. If you’re considering quitting booze completely, it’s crucial to approach this change in the spirit of curiosity rather than deprivation. As millions have found for themselves, there’s so much to gain by going sober. You’re unlocking new possibilities in all areas of your life — your physical and mental health will improve, your relationships will be deeper and more authentic, and your hard-earned savings will finally go somewhere other than the liquor store. You’ll also be more creative, energized, and inspired to go after your goals!
3. Start small. If “forever” is too much to wrap your mind around, no problem! Why not start out with a challenge such as Sober October or Dry January? You might find that thinking of your new sober lifestyle as a “break” rather than a permanent “breakup” with alcohol is easier to stomach, especially at the beginning. But rest assured, as you experience the perks of going booze-free, you’ll probably want to keep going!
4. Find your people. Everything is easier with a solid team behind you, and so is the alcohol journey. Spend time with friends and family members who support your decision and check out the Reframe forum to connect with others who’ve been exactly where you are and are now thriving!
5. Celebrate your wins. It’s important to celebrate every win, no matter how small. Made it through a party without a drink? Awesome! Had your first sober Halloween? Amazing!

As you continue your journey, check out “How To Stop Drinking” and “How To Successfully Transition to an Alcohol-Free Lifestyle” for extra inspiration and advice. Remember, Reframe is here to help you every step of the way!

Choosing Your Path

As you decide what your relationship with alcohol will look like, it’s important to honestly listen to your body and mind. Find what’s right for you and chart your own course.

Here are some more words of wisdom from Annie Grace for the road:

“It’s a game for me, doing something I couldn't have imagined without a drink and enjoying it more than before. It reinforces my resolve and fills me with gratitude.” 

She goes on to invite us to join in and keep exploring: 

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes, Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

Congratulations on choosing your own path. We’re cheering for you!