What is decision fatigue? Explore its impact on your ability to make good choices, especially when it comes to alcohol. This blog offers a comprehensive guide packed with actionable tips to conquer decision fatigue and help you live a healthier life.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
You’ve just pulled through a grueling workday, endured an hour-long commute, and now you're standing in front of the fridge contemplating what to have for dinner. As you open the fridge door, a bottle of wine catches your eye. Just one glass wouldn’t hurt, would it? Before you know it, that “one glass” becomes two or three, and any motivation to kick back the alcohol habit is gone for the day.
Sound familiar? In the neverending decision-making that characterizes modern life, the phenomenon known as "decision fatigue" often pulls the strings, especially when it comes to habits like drinking. But don’t worry: today we’re discussing science-backed ways to navigate this conundrum and make decisions towards a healthier you.
Decision fatigue isn't simply confined to choosing between a glass of wine or sparkling water at the end of a long day. In fact, it infiltrates multiple facets of daily life, impacting not just personal habits, but also relationships, professional output, and overall well-being.
Let's dive into the scientific underpinnings a bit. Baumeister et al. (1998) coined the term "ego depletion" to describe the idea that self-control or willpower operates like a finite resource. In their seminal study, they found that subjects who resisted the temptation of cookies and chocolate were later less able to persist in a problem-solving task. This led to the hypothesis that exerting willpower in one task depletes a general resource, leaving less of it for subsequent tasks.
For example, imagine you're on a strict diet, and you've committed to not eating any sweets or unhealthy snacks. One day, you find a plate of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies in your office lunchroom. You love chocolate chip cookies, and they smell amazing. But you remember your diet commitment, and with a tremendous amount of willpower, you resist the temptation and walk away without taking a cookie.
Later in the evening, you find yourself needing to study for an upcoming exam. Normally, you'd aim to study for a couple of hours. However, you find it unusually difficult to concentrate. After just 30 minutes, you feel drained and decide to stop studying and watch TV instead.
In this example, the act of resisting the cookies earlier in the day depleted your reserve of self-control or willpower, making it harder for you to persist in your studying later on. Your willpower was stretched thin by the initial act of resistance, which left less of this "finite resource" for the subsequent task of studying.
The brain plays a pivotal role in decision-making, with specific neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin influencing how choices are made. Exerting self-control tends to lower levels of glucose in the brain, which is the primary energy source for neural activity. A study by Gailliot et al. (2007) found that replenishing glucose levels could actually restore self-control, giving a physiological explanation for why making many decisions can be so exhausting.
From the moment the alarm buzzes in the morning to the final glance at a smartphone before sleep, modern life is replete with micro-decisions. What to wear, what to eat, how to prioritize work tasks — the list is never-ending. Each of these decisions, no matter how trivial, taps into the brain's decision-making reservoir. By the time evening rolls around, the well might be running dry, which often results in opting for the path of least resistance: pouring that extra glass of wine, binging on unhealthy snacks, or zoning out in front of the TV.
When decision fatigue sets in, the quality of our choices deteriorates — and our capacity for future planning also takes a hit. A study by Hagger et al. (2010) found that ego depletion negatively affects future planning, attention, and task performance. It's a snowball effect: poor decisions deplete resources, which leads to further poor decisions, creating a cycle that's hard to break.
Research has identified certain times of day when people are most susceptible to decision fatigue. It turns out that self-control and the ability to make good choices actually follow a diurnal pattern, generally peaking in the morning and declining as the day progresses. This explains why, by the time wine o'clock comes around, the willpower muscle is not just tired — it's utterly fatigued.
Interestingly, the social environment can either alleviate or exacerbate decision fatigue. Supportive relationships, work settings that foster autonomy, and a social milieu that bolsters self-esteem all act as buffers. However, environments rife with stress, criticism, and high demands can accelerate the rate at which decision-making resources are drained.
Decision avoidance or decision simplification is a strategy to reduce decision fatigue by minimizing or automating trivial choices to conserve mental energy for more important tasks. Methods include adopting a minimalist wardrobe, meal planning, automating recurring decisions like bill payments, and time-blocking activities. By delegating, limiting options, or using heuristics for minor choices, we can streamline our decision-making process, preserving our cognitive resources and enabling better focus and performance in areas that truly matter. Overall, decision avoidance aims to improve well-being by prioritizing meaningful decisions over trivial ones.
Understanding the multifaceted nature of decision fatigue helps us implement changes that facilitate better choices, especially when it comes to ingrained habits like alcohol consumption. The objective isn't just to make fewer decisions, but to make better ones by mitigating the factors that lead to decision fatigue.
On the surface, the relationship between decision fatigue and alcohol consumption might seem indirect or even non-existent. However, upon closer inspection, it becomes evident that the two are intricately connected, impacting each other in ways that could either hinder or aid in the quest for healthier drinking habits.
Alcohol consumption, especially habitual drinking, often comes under the purview of "automatic behavior," with little conscious thought involved. Automatic behaviors are regulated by the brain's reward system, which releases dopamine to reinforce actions it finds pleasurable. When trying to reduce or quit alcohol, conscious effort and self-control must override this ingrained neurological pattern. This, in turn, depletes your limited willpower reservoir. What's particularly challenging is that you’re also expending willpower in various other tasks throughout the day. When faced with the choice to drink or not to drink, the odds are stacked against you, thanks to decision fatigue.
Time of day plays a crucial role. Many people find that their craving for a drink peaks in the late afternoon or evening — coincidentally, around the same time that decision fatigue usually sets in. This is no coincidence! It’s a synchronization of factors that work against the goal of cutting back on alcohol or quitting.
It's worth mentioning the role of emotions. Emotional decisions, such as those triggered by stress or negative feelings, often require higher amounts of self-control to regulate. Work-related stress, relationship issues, and regular daily hassles can compound decision fatigue, making it more difficult to resist a drink.
Another complicating factor is the domino effect begun by the first drink. Alcohol impairs judgment and diminishes self-control, traits already compromised by decision fatigue. After the first drink, each subsequent decision about having another becomes progressively harder to make responsibly.
Succumbing to temptation can result in negative emotions like guilt or self-blame, which (ironically) many people try to "drown" by consuming more alcohol, thus perpetuating a cycle. This entire sequence often begins with decision fatigue, which undermines the initial resolve to not drink.
A 2012 study published in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research found a direct relationship between depleted self-control resources and increased alcohol consumption. Participants who engaged in tasks that depleted their self-control were more likely to drink alcohol afterward, supporting the concept that decision fatigue can lead to lapses in attempts to control drinking.
Understanding this link between decision fatigue and alcohol consumption provides valuable insights. It emphasizes the need for strategies designed to conserve mental energy, especially at vulnerable moments, as a part of any effort to reduce or quit drinking. Here are seven ways we can do just that.
Reserve certain days of the week as alcohol-free days. Mark these on a physical calendar, stick a note on your refrigerator, or use reminders on your phone (which you can do through the Reframe app!). The brilliance of this strategy lies in its preemptive nature: the decision to abstain is made well in advance, eliminating the need for willpower on the designated day. This ensures that no mental energy is expended in making the “drink or not to drink” decision when the day arrives. It’s already set in stone, leaving your cognitive resources available for other tasks.
Meal planning can seem like a minor chore, but every decision, no matter how small, contributes to decision fatigue. Automate this aspect of your life by planning meals for the week or opting for a meal kit delivery service. Not only does this eliminate decision making, but a well-fed brain is much better at making good decisions. Research has shown that low glucose levels impair self-control, increasing the likelihood of making poor choices like overindulging in alcohol. By automating meal choices, you remove one more variable from the equation, preserving your willpower for the more significant decisions like abstaining from alcohol or drinking less.
An environment that supports your goals can be a game-changer. Designate an entirely alcohol-free space in your home: a particular room, a comfy reading chair, or even a mocktail station stocked with all your favorite non-alcoholic beverages. The psychology behind this is rooted in environmental cues that influence behavior. When the choice to not drink is seamlessly integrated into your surroundings, the decision becomes much easier. The decision is almost outsourced to the environment, reducing the cognitive load on you.
Broad goals like "I'll drink less" sound ambitious, but they often lack the actionable specificity needed for successful implementation. The brain struggles with ambiguity and, in the absence of a clear plan, it’s more likely to revert to familiar habits when fatigued. Instead of making sweeping declarations, break the goal into smaller, manageable decisions such as "I'll only have one drink at dinner" or "I'll choose a mocktail at the office party." Small, concrete decisions reduce the cognitive load, making each decision less taxing on the brain's finite pool of resources. Numerous studies, including one by psychologist Roy F. Baumeister, underscore the effectiveness of breaking down large goals into specific actions for better self-regulation. This strategy makes it easier to monitor progress and make course corrections, preserving willpower for other decisions throughout the day.
Embarking on a journey to change your drinking habits doesn't have to be lonely. Partnering with a friend who shares the same goal offers multiple benefits. First, it cuts down on the number of solo decisions we have to make, reducing overall decision fatigue. Also, it introduces an accountability factor that can act as an additional layer of reinforcement. Studies have found that accountability to someone else can significantly improve the chances of reaching a set goal. The mere act of having to report your choices to someone else can act as a powerful deterrent against poor decisions. This dual-pronged approach provides a built-in safety net that makes each step of the journey easier to navigate.
In the world of behavioral psychology, what gets measured gets managed. Maintaining a simple journal or even a digital log that tracks each drinking episode (which you can do through Reframe!) — and equally important, each successfully avoided opportunity to drink — can provide a goldmine of insights. A visual representation of choices, plotted over time, serves as a continuous feedback loop. This tactile involvement with your goal provides both a record and, importantly, a sense of accomplishment, reinforcing positive behavior. It's akin to the dopamine release associated with achieving micro-goals, further strengthening resolve and diminishing decision fatigue.
While eliminating decision fatigue may not be feasible, certain practices mitigate its impact. Activities like 10-minute meditation sessions or even a brisk jog around the block act as cognitive refreshers. Research has found that engaging in mindfulness activities restores self-control and decision-making abilities. These brief moments of respite recharge the decision-making battery, providing new energy to make healthier choices about alcohol consumption.
Adopting these strategic approaches makes the battle against decision fatigue less daunting. Each action item complements the other, creating an interwoven defense specifically designed to outsmart decision fatigue. The trick lies not just in making fewer decisions, but in making more efficient ones — and making sure they align with our overarching goal of reducing alcohol consumption.
You’ve just pulled through a grueling workday, endured an hour-long commute, and now you're standing in front of the fridge contemplating what to have for dinner. As you open the fridge door, a bottle of wine catches your eye. Just one glass wouldn’t hurt, would it? Before you know it, that “one glass” becomes two or three, and any motivation to kick back the alcohol habit is gone for the day.
Sound familiar? In the neverending decision-making that characterizes modern life, the phenomenon known as "decision fatigue" often pulls the strings, especially when it comes to habits like drinking. But don’t worry: today we’re discussing science-backed ways to navigate this conundrum and make decisions towards a healthier you.
Decision fatigue isn't simply confined to choosing between a glass of wine or sparkling water at the end of a long day. In fact, it infiltrates multiple facets of daily life, impacting not just personal habits, but also relationships, professional output, and overall well-being.
Let's dive into the scientific underpinnings a bit. Baumeister et al. (1998) coined the term "ego depletion" to describe the idea that self-control or willpower operates like a finite resource. In their seminal study, they found that subjects who resisted the temptation of cookies and chocolate were later less able to persist in a problem-solving task. This led to the hypothesis that exerting willpower in one task depletes a general resource, leaving less of it for subsequent tasks.
For example, imagine you're on a strict diet, and you've committed to not eating any sweets or unhealthy snacks. One day, you find a plate of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies in your office lunchroom. You love chocolate chip cookies, and they smell amazing. But you remember your diet commitment, and with a tremendous amount of willpower, you resist the temptation and walk away without taking a cookie.
Later in the evening, you find yourself needing to study for an upcoming exam. Normally, you'd aim to study for a couple of hours. However, you find it unusually difficult to concentrate. After just 30 minutes, you feel drained and decide to stop studying and watch TV instead.
In this example, the act of resisting the cookies earlier in the day depleted your reserve of self-control or willpower, making it harder for you to persist in your studying later on. Your willpower was stretched thin by the initial act of resistance, which left less of this "finite resource" for the subsequent task of studying.
The brain plays a pivotal role in decision-making, with specific neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin influencing how choices are made. Exerting self-control tends to lower levels of glucose in the brain, which is the primary energy source for neural activity. A study by Gailliot et al. (2007) found that replenishing glucose levels could actually restore self-control, giving a physiological explanation for why making many decisions can be so exhausting.
From the moment the alarm buzzes in the morning to the final glance at a smartphone before sleep, modern life is replete with micro-decisions. What to wear, what to eat, how to prioritize work tasks — the list is never-ending. Each of these decisions, no matter how trivial, taps into the brain's decision-making reservoir. By the time evening rolls around, the well might be running dry, which often results in opting for the path of least resistance: pouring that extra glass of wine, binging on unhealthy snacks, or zoning out in front of the TV.
When decision fatigue sets in, the quality of our choices deteriorates — and our capacity for future planning also takes a hit. A study by Hagger et al. (2010) found that ego depletion negatively affects future planning, attention, and task performance. It's a snowball effect: poor decisions deplete resources, which leads to further poor decisions, creating a cycle that's hard to break.
Research has identified certain times of day when people are most susceptible to decision fatigue. It turns out that self-control and the ability to make good choices actually follow a diurnal pattern, generally peaking in the morning and declining as the day progresses. This explains why, by the time wine o'clock comes around, the willpower muscle is not just tired — it's utterly fatigued.
Interestingly, the social environment can either alleviate or exacerbate decision fatigue. Supportive relationships, work settings that foster autonomy, and a social milieu that bolsters self-esteem all act as buffers. However, environments rife with stress, criticism, and high demands can accelerate the rate at which decision-making resources are drained.
Decision avoidance or decision simplification is a strategy to reduce decision fatigue by minimizing or automating trivial choices to conserve mental energy for more important tasks. Methods include adopting a minimalist wardrobe, meal planning, automating recurring decisions like bill payments, and time-blocking activities. By delegating, limiting options, or using heuristics for minor choices, we can streamline our decision-making process, preserving our cognitive resources and enabling better focus and performance in areas that truly matter. Overall, decision avoidance aims to improve well-being by prioritizing meaningful decisions over trivial ones.
Understanding the multifaceted nature of decision fatigue helps us implement changes that facilitate better choices, especially when it comes to ingrained habits like alcohol consumption. The objective isn't just to make fewer decisions, but to make better ones by mitigating the factors that lead to decision fatigue.
On the surface, the relationship between decision fatigue and alcohol consumption might seem indirect or even non-existent. However, upon closer inspection, it becomes evident that the two are intricately connected, impacting each other in ways that could either hinder or aid in the quest for healthier drinking habits.
Alcohol consumption, especially habitual drinking, often comes under the purview of "automatic behavior," with little conscious thought involved. Automatic behaviors are regulated by the brain's reward system, which releases dopamine to reinforce actions it finds pleasurable. When trying to reduce or quit alcohol, conscious effort and self-control must override this ingrained neurological pattern. This, in turn, depletes your limited willpower reservoir. What's particularly challenging is that you’re also expending willpower in various other tasks throughout the day. When faced with the choice to drink or not to drink, the odds are stacked against you, thanks to decision fatigue.
Time of day plays a crucial role. Many people find that their craving for a drink peaks in the late afternoon or evening — coincidentally, around the same time that decision fatigue usually sets in. This is no coincidence! It’s a synchronization of factors that work against the goal of cutting back on alcohol or quitting.
It's worth mentioning the role of emotions. Emotional decisions, such as those triggered by stress or negative feelings, often require higher amounts of self-control to regulate. Work-related stress, relationship issues, and regular daily hassles can compound decision fatigue, making it more difficult to resist a drink.
Another complicating factor is the domino effect begun by the first drink. Alcohol impairs judgment and diminishes self-control, traits already compromised by decision fatigue. After the first drink, each subsequent decision about having another becomes progressively harder to make responsibly.
Succumbing to temptation can result in negative emotions like guilt or self-blame, which (ironically) many people try to "drown" by consuming more alcohol, thus perpetuating a cycle. This entire sequence often begins with decision fatigue, which undermines the initial resolve to not drink.
A 2012 study published in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research found a direct relationship between depleted self-control resources and increased alcohol consumption. Participants who engaged in tasks that depleted their self-control were more likely to drink alcohol afterward, supporting the concept that decision fatigue can lead to lapses in attempts to control drinking.
Understanding this link between decision fatigue and alcohol consumption provides valuable insights. It emphasizes the need for strategies designed to conserve mental energy, especially at vulnerable moments, as a part of any effort to reduce or quit drinking. Here are seven ways we can do just that.
Reserve certain days of the week as alcohol-free days. Mark these on a physical calendar, stick a note on your refrigerator, or use reminders on your phone (which you can do through the Reframe app!). The brilliance of this strategy lies in its preemptive nature: the decision to abstain is made well in advance, eliminating the need for willpower on the designated day. This ensures that no mental energy is expended in making the “drink or not to drink” decision when the day arrives. It’s already set in stone, leaving your cognitive resources available for other tasks.
Meal planning can seem like a minor chore, but every decision, no matter how small, contributes to decision fatigue. Automate this aspect of your life by planning meals for the week or opting for a meal kit delivery service. Not only does this eliminate decision making, but a well-fed brain is much better at making good decisions. Research has shown that low glucose levels impair self-control, increasing the likelihood of making poor choices like overindulging in alcohol. By automating meal choices, you remove one more variable from the equation, preserving your willpower for the more significant decisions like abstaining from alcohol or drinking less.
An environment that supports your goals can be a game-changer. Designate an entirely alcohol-free space in your home: a particular room, a comfy reading chair, or even a mocktail station stocked with all your favorite non-alcoholic beverages. The psychology behind this is rooted in environmental cues that influence behavior. When the choice to not drink is seamlessly integrated into your surroundings, the decision becomes much easier. The decision is almost outsourced to the environment, reducing the cognitive load on you.
Broad goals like "I'll drink less" sound ambitious, but they often lack the actionable specificity needed for successful implementation. The brain struggles with ambiguity and, in the absence of a clear plan, it’s more likely to revert to familiar habits when fatigued. Instead of making sweeping declarations, break the goal into smaller, manageable decisions such as "I'll only have one drink at dinner" or "I'll choose a mocktail at the office party." Small, concrete decisions reduce the cognitive load, making each decision less taxing on the brain's finite pool of resources. Numerous studies, including one by psychologist Roy F. Baumeister, underscore the effectiveness of breaking down large goals into specific actions for better self-regulation. This strategy makes it easier to monitor progress and make course corrections, preserving willpower for other decisions throughout the day.
Embarking on a journey to change your drinking habits doesn't have to be lonely. Partnering with a friend who shares the same goal offers multiple benefits. First, it cuts down on the number of solo decisions we have to make, reducing overall decision fatigue. Also, it introduces an accountability factor that can act as an additional layer of reinforcement. Studies have found that accountability to someone else can significantly improve the chances of reaching a set goal. The mere act of having to report your choices to someone else can act as a powerful deterrent against poor decisions. This dual-pronged approach provides a built-in safety net that makes each step of the journey easier to navigate.
In the world of behavioral psychology, what gets measured gets managed. Maintaining a simple journal or even a digital log that tracks each drinking episode (which you can do through Reframe!) — and equally important, each successfully avoided opportunity to drink — can provide a goldmine of insights. A visual representation of choices, plotted over time, serves as a continuous feedback loop. This tactile involvement with your goal provides both a record and, importantly, a sense of accomplishment, reinforcing positive behavior. It's akin to the dopamine release associated with achieving micro-goals, further strengthening resolve and diminishing decision fatigue.
While eliminating decision fatigue may not be feasible, certain practices mitigate its impact. Activities like 10-minute meditation sessions or even a brisk jog around the block act as cognitive refreshers. Research has found that engaging in mindfulness activities restores self-control and decision-making abilities. These brief moments of respite recharge the decision-making battery, providing new energy to make healthier choices about alcohol consumption.
Adopting these strategic approaches makes the battle against decision fatigue less daunting. Each action item complements the other, creating an interwoven defense specifically designed to outsmart decision fatigue. The trick lies not just in making fewer decisions, but in making more efficient ones — and making sure they align with our overarching goal of reducing alcohol consumption.
The Work by Byron Katie is a life-changing method that helps with alcohol moderation. Explore its four powerful questions, and discover a practical 7-step action plan to reframe your thinking and foster healthier habits
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
Picture a sunny day at the beach, where the sounds of seagulls harmonize with children laughing as they build sandcastles. A family unpacks a picnic: cheese sandwiches for the kids, a crisp salad for mom, and a few cold beers for dad. As the children enjoy playing in the sand, dad savors his beers. That is, until he looks at his children with a pang of guilt. “Is this how I want to be remembered?” His question reflects the internal struggle that often accompanies our attempts to moderate or quit alcohol.
While the internet is rife with articles and tips about cutting back on alcohol, a shift in focus can be surprisingly effective. This brings us to "The Work" by Byron Katie, a system of self-inquiry designed to shift mental habits. Originally created as a way to address stress, depression, and other forms of emotional suffering, The Work helps us challenge the thoughts that keep us attached to unhealthy behaviors.
Byron Katie is an American author and motivational speaker who is best known for creating a self-inquiry method known as "The Work." Born in 1942, Katie hit a low point in her life in her early 40s, suffering from depression and various other emotional issues. She had a life-altering realization in 1986, which she claims led to a complete end of her suffering. She developed The Work as a method to help millions of others achieve a similar state of peace and clarity.
When people hear the term "The Work," it might conjure up images of labor-intensive endeavors or complicated research projects. However, Byron Katie's The Work is something altogether different. It's a methodology aimed at scrutinizing the thought patterns that lead to emotional distress, harmful behavior, or a cycle of regret.
Here’s a closer look at each component of Katie’s unique mental framework, which consists of four questions and a Turnaround. Remember: for the best results, it’s important to answer these questions as thoroughly and honestly as possible.
Imagine thinking "I'm not good enough." Many people grapple with this thought, which can lead to destructive behaviors, such as excessive drinking to numb the feeling of inadequacy. The first question, “Is it true?“ challenges the validity of this thought. This question is compelling because it requires more than a knee-jerk reaction. It asks for evidence, nudging us to really evaluate whether the thought stands up to scrutiny. This question alone can sometimes lead to a breakthrough, as individuals realize that many of their long-held beliefs are not actually true.
Let's say the answer to the first question was "Yes." The second question takes it to another level: "Can you absolutely know that it's true?" This question pushes for an even deeper level of introspection. It's a call to examine the bases of the beliefs and whether they're rock-solid. A closer look often shows that certainty is a mirage. A truth in one context can be a falsehood in another. This question throws a wrench into the machinery of our thought processes, forcing us to reevaluate what we once considered indisputable.
The third question steers the process toward emotional awareness: "How do you react when you believe that thought?" For instance, believing we need alcohol to unwind often leads to repeated drinking, emotional distance from loved ones, and a gnawing sense of dependency. By confronting the emotional and physical reactions that accompany a thought, we see the full impact of that belief, good or bad. This question links thoughts to outcomes, making clear how a single belief can shape our actions and emotional state.
"Who would you be without the thought?" After grappling with the truth, certainty, and emotional aftermath of a thought, answering the fourth question offers us a glimpse into a different reality. It opens the door to envision a life not governed by that particular belief. In the context of alcohol moderation or abstinence, the idea of enjoying social situations without the crutch of alcohol could seem like a newfound freedom.
The final step, the "Turnaround," reverses the original thought to explore its opposite or other variations. For instance, the Turnaround for "I need a drink to relax" could be "I don’t need a drink to relax." It invites a host of alternative truths (“I can relax without a drink,” “I do yoga to relax,” etc.), further diluting the power of the original, troublesome thought.
In combination, these four questions and the Turnaround become a powerful algorithm for dissecting the thoughts that influence behavior and emotional well-being. Each question peels away a layer of unquestioned beliefs, revealing a core that is often malleable and not as deterministic as initially believed. For anyone willing to invest in emotional and psychological betterment, Byron Katie’s exercise serves as a structured, insightful pathway to a less burdened mind.
When it comes to alcohol moderation or complete abstinence, we may find that changing our drinking habits is not as simple as just putting down the bottle. The pull towards alcohol often begins in the mind, rooted in thoughts and beliefs that have been ingrained over time. This is precisely where The Work proves invaluable. By focusing on the mental constructs that underlie drinking behavior, this exercise provides a unique strategy that complements traditional approaches to alcohol moderation, such as behavioral therapy or medication.
Let’s take the commonly-held belief that alcohol is essential for social interactions. Society often glamorizes drinking through media portrayals, telling us that alcohol is synonymous with fun, relaxation, and even sophistication. This creates a mental narrative that suggests we can't be socially adept or enjoy an evening without a drink in hand. The first question of The Work, "Is it true?", calls this assumption into question. Upon reflection, many may find that they have had rewarding social experiences without alcohol. Therefore, the automatic response that alcohol is essential for social enjoyment starts to waver.
Another recurrent thought is that alcohol is a necessary coping mechanism for stress or emotional turmoil. “I need a drink to unwind” or “Alcohol helps me forget my problems” are statements that many have heard or said. The second question, "Can you absolutely know that it's true?", often reveals that these are not universal truths but conditioned responses. Many people unwind or cope with difficulties without relying on alcohol. This realization can be eye-opening, paving the way for exploring healthier coping mechanisms.
The third question, "How do you react when you believe that thought?", allows us to become aware of the emotional and physical toll of our drinking habits. Do we feel guilty after giving in to the urge? Is there a strain on relationships or a decline in work performance? Recognizing these repercussions makes it increasingly hard to ignore the negative consequences of alcohol consumption.
The fourth question, "Who would you be without the thought?", encourages us to envision a life free from the clutches of alcohol dependency. What would it be like to wake up without a hangover, to enjoy a social event without needing a drink to “loosen up,” or to handle stress through exercise or meditation instead of through alcohol? This can be a liberating mental exercise, inspiring changes in behavior.
Finally, the Turnaround offers alternative perspectives that challenge the initial thought, suggesting that not only is it possible to relax, socialize, or cope without alcohol, but it may actually be more rewarding and beneficial.
In summary, The Work provides a comprehensive framework for addressing the psychological underpinnings of alcohol consumption. It equips us with the intellectual tools to question, challenge, and ultimately change the thought patterns that drive us towards alcohol, making it a potent ally in the quest for moderation or abstinence.
Translating an intellectual understanding of The Work into actionable steps can make all the difference. A seven-step plan brings the principles off the page and into everyday life, offering an effective approach to alcohol moderation or abstinence.
The first action is straightforward but immensely valuable: writing down the thoughts that come up when contemplating drinking. Whether these thoughts are about needing alcohol to unwind or believing that a party won't be enjoyable without a drink, getting them down on paper brings clarity. It's like taking a snapshot of the mind, providing a tangible reference for self-inquiry.
With your thoughts in black and white, choose one to scrutinize. Pick a thought that frequently crops up and incites strong emotional or physical reactions, such as the urge to reach for a drink. Identifying such a critical thought provides a focal point for your investigation and increases the likelihood of a meaningful revelation.
Once you’ve picked the thought, dedicate some quiet time to ask Byron Katie's four questions. This is where the rubber meets the road! Be honest and thorough in your answers, possibly jotting down your reflections for each question. This both amplifies your self-awareness and creates a written record that can be revisited to track progress.
After you've gone through the four questions, it's time for the Turnaround. Formulate the opposite of your original thought and examine how this new thought feels. Does it bring relief? Does it seem more valid than the initial thought? This practice challenges the neural pathways accustomed to old thinking patterns, inviting your brain to consider fresh possibilities.
Armed with new insights, try to engage in replacement behaviors the next time the urge to drink arises. If the original thought was about needing alcohol to socialize, consider testing the waters with non-alcoholic beverages at the next social gathering. Pay attention to the experience and note how it differs from events where alcohol was involved.
Sometimes it helps to involve trusted individuals in the process. Share the insights you’ve gained through The Work, and ask for their perspectives. They may offer valuable observations that could add another layer of understanding to the process.
After a reasonable period — say, a few weeks — revisit the original thought and go through the four questions again. Assess any changes in your emotional response or behavior. If the initial insight feels less potent, consider whether another thought that may require scrutiny has taken its place.
By diligently following these steps, you can feel more empowered to deconstruct the beliefs that have fueled your habitual alcohol use. It's a path not just to changing your relationship with alcohol moderation or quitting but also towards greater emotional freedom and self-understanding.
While the journey to cut back or quit alcohol often comes with its set of hurdles, integrating The Work into our routine can be freeing. This exercise doesn’t promise a magic fix, but it provides the tools for healthier decision-making. Imagine a future family beach day where dad joins in building sandcastles with the kids, experiencing genuine happiness and leaving no room for guilt. A future like this is possible, thanks to the power of introspection and the right kind of work!
Picture a sunny day at the beach, where the sounds of seagulls harmonize with children laughing as they build sandcastles. A family unpacks a picnic: cheese sandwiches for the kids, a crisp salad for mom, and a few cold beers for dad. As the children enjoy playing in the sand, dad savors his beers. That is, until he looks at his children with a pang of guilt. “Is this how I want to be remembered?” His question reflects the internal struggle that often accompanies our attempts to moderate or quit alcohol.
While the internet is rife with articles and tips about cutting back on alcohol, a shift in focus can be surprisingly effective. This brings us to "The Work" by Byron Katie, a system of self-inquiry designed to shift mental habits. Originally created as a way to address stress, depression, and other forms of emotional suffering, The Work helps us challenge the thoughts that keep us attached to unhealthy behaviors.
Byron Katie is an American author and motivational speaker who is best known for creating a self-inquiry method known as "The Work." Born in 1942, Katie hit a low point in her life in her early 40s, suffering from depression and various other emotional issues. She had a life-altering realization in 1986, which she claims led to a complete end of her suffering. She developed The Work as a method to help millions of others achieve a similar state of peace and clarity.
When people hear the term "The Work," it might conjure up images of labor-intensive endeavors or complicated research projects. However, Byron Katie's The Work is something altogether different. It's a methodology aimed at scrutinizing the thought patterns that lead to emotional distress, harmful behavior, or a cycle of regret.
Here’s a closer look at each component of Katie’s unique mental framework, which consists of four questions and a Turnaround. Remember: for the best results, it’s important to answer these questions as thoroughly and honestly as possible.
Imagine thinking "I'm not good enough." Many people grapple with this thought, which can lead to destructive behaviors, such as excessive drinking to numb the feeling of inadequacy. The first question, “Is it true?“ challenges the validity of this thought. This question is compelling because it requires more than a knee-jerk reaction. It asks for evidence, nudging us to really evaluate whether the thought stands up to scrutiny. This question alone can sometimes lead to a breakthrough, as individuals realize that many of their long-held beliefs are not actually true.
Let's say the answer to the first question was "Yes." The second question takes it to another level: "Can you absolutely know that it's true?" This question pushes for an even deeper level of introspection. It's a call to examine the bases of the beliefs and whether they're rock-solid. A closer look often shows that certainty is a mirage. A truth in one context can be a falsehood in another. This question throws a wrench into the machinery of our thought processes, forcing us to reevaluate what we once considered indisputable.
The third question steers the process toward emotional awareness: "How do you react when you believe that thought?" For instance, believing we need alcohol to unwind often leads to repeated drinking, emotional distance from loved ones, and a gnawing sense of dependency. By confronting the emotional and physical reactions that accompany a thought, we see the full impact of that belief, good or bad. This question links thoughts to outcomes, making clear how a single belief can shape our actions and emotional state.
"Who would you be without the thought?" After grappling with the truth, certainty, and emotional aftermath of a thought, answering the fourth question offers us a glimpse into a different reality. It opens the door to envision a life not governed by that particular belief. In the context of alcohol moderation or abstinence, the idea of enjoying social situations without the crutch of alcohol could seem like a newfound freedom.
The final step, the "Turnaround," reverses the original thought to explore its opposite or other variations. For instance, the Turnaround for "I need a drink to relax" could be "I don’t need a drink to relax." It invites a host of alternative truths (“I can relax without a drink,” “I do yoga to relax,” etc.), further diluting the power of the original, troublesome thought.
In combination, these four questions and the Turnaround become a powerful algorithm for dissecting the thoughts that influence behavior and emotional well-being. Each question peels away a layer of unquestioned beliefs, revealing a core that is often malleable and not as deterministic as initially believed. For anyone willing to invest in emotional and psychological betterment, Byron Katie’s exercise serves as a structured, insightful pathway to a less burdened mind.
When it comes to alcohol moderation or complete abstinence, we may find that changing our drinking habits is not as simple as just putting down the bottle. The pull towards alcohol often begins in the mind, rooted in thoughts and beliefs that have been ingrained over time. This is precisely where The Work proves invaluable. By focusing on the mental constructs that underlie drinking behavior, this exercise provides a unique strategy that complements traditional approaches to alcohol moderation, such as behavioral therapy or medication.
Let’s take the commonly-held belief that alcohol is essential for social interactions. Society often glamorizes drinking through media portrayals, telling us that alcohol is synonymous with fun, relaxation, and even sophistication. This creates a mental narrative that suggests we can't be socially adept or enjoy an evening without a drink in hand. The first question of The Work, "Is it true?", calls this assumption into question. Upon reflection, many may find that they have had rewarding social experiences without alcohol. Therefore, the automatic response that alcohol is essential for social enjoyment starts to waver.
Another recurrent thought is that alcohol is a necessary coping mechanism for stress or emotional turmoil. “I need a drink to unwind” or “Alcohol helps me forget my problems” are statements that many have heard or said. The second question, "Can you absolutely know that it's true?", often reveals that these are not universal truths but conditioned responses. Many people unwind or cope with difficulties without relying on alcohol. This realization can be eye-opening, paving the way for exploring healthier coping mechanisms.
The third question, "How do you react when you believe that thought?", allows us to become aware of the emotional and physical toll of our drinking habits. Do we feel guilty after giving in to the urge? Is there a strain on relationships or a decline in work performance? Recognizing these repercussions makes it increasingly hard to ignore the negative consequences of alcohol consumption.
The fourth question, "Who would you be without the thought?", encourages us to envision a life free from the clutches of alcohol dependency. What would it be like to wake up without a hangover, to enjoy a social event without needing a drink to “loosen up,” or to handle stress through exercise or meditation instead of through alcohol? This can be a liberating mental exercise, inspiring changes in behavior.
Finally, the Turnaround offers alternative perspectives that challenge the initial thought, suggesting that not only is it possible to relax, socialize, or cope without alcohol, but it may actually be more rewarding and beneficial.
In summary, The Work provides a comprehensive framework for addressing the psychological underpinnings of alcohol consumption. It equips us with the intellectual tools to question, challenge, and ultimately change the thought patterns that drive us towards alcohol, making it a potent ally in the quest for moderation or abstinence.
Translating an intellectual understanding of The Work into actionable steps can make all the difference. A seven-step plan brings the principles off the page and into everyday life, offering an effective approach to alcohol moderation or abstinence.
The first action is straightforward but immensely valuable: writing down the thoughts that come up when contemplating drinking. Whether these thoughts are about needing alcohol to unwind or believing that a party won't be enjoyable without a drink, getting them down on paper brings clarity. It's like taking a snapshot of the mind, providing a tangible reference for self-inquiry.
With your thoughts in black and white, choose one to scrutinize. Pick a thought that frequently crops up and incites strong emotional or physical reactions, such as the urge to reach for a drink. Identifying such a critical thought provides a focal point for your investigation and increases the likelihood of a meaningful revelation.
Once you’ve picked the thought, dedicate some quiet time to ask Byron Katie's four questions. This is where the rubber meets the road! Be honest and thorough in your answers, possibly jotting down your reflections for each question. This both amplifies your self-awareness and creates a written record that can be revisited to track progress.
After you've gone through the four questions, it's time for the Turnaround. Formulate the opposite of your original thought and examine how this new thought feels. Does it bring relief? Does it seem more valid than the initial thought? This practice challenges the neural pathways accustomed to old thinking patterns, inviting your brain to consider fresh possibilities.
Armed with new insights, try to engage in replacement behaviors the next time the urge to drink arises. If the original thought was about needing alcohol to socialize, consider testing the waters with non-alcoholic beverages at the next social gathering. Pay attention to the experience and note how it differs from events where alcohol was involved.
Sometimes it helps to involve trusted individuals in the process. Share the insights you’ve gained through The Work, and ask for their perspectives. They may offer valuable observations that could add another layer of understanding to the process.
After a reasonable period — say, a few weeks — revisit the original thought and go through the four questions again. Assess any changes in your emotional response or behavior. If the initial insight feels less potent, consider whether another thought that may require scrutiny has taken its place.
By diligently following these steps, you can feel more empowered to deconstruct the beliefs that have fueled your habitual alcohol use. It's a path not just to changing your relationship with alcohol moderation or quitting but also towards greater emotional freedom and self-understanding.
While the journey to cut back or quit alcohol often comes with its set of hurdles, integrating The Work into our routine can be freeing. This exercise doesn’t promise a magic fix, but it provides the tools for healthier decision-making. Imagine a future family beach day where dad joins in building sandcastles with the kids, experiencing genuine happiness and leaving no room for guilt. A future like this is possible, thanks to the power of introspection and the right kind of work!
You don’t have to turn to alcohol to cope with your social anxiety. Here are some tips and tricks for how to calm your nerves in a social situation without drinking.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
You’ve just arrived at a party. You quickly scan the room, looking for friendly faces, but your worst fear has suddenly come true: you don’t see anyone you know. Your heart starts racing and you begin to panic. You’re awkwardly standing in the corner by yourself, and can feel your anxiety building by the minute. Normally, you’d distract yourself by going to get a cocktail, but you’ve committed to being sober for 30 days, so that’s not really an option. What can you do to help calm your nerves?
In this post, we’ll gain insight into social anxiety and explore tips and tricks for coping with it without alcohol. We’ll also look at how alcohol worsens anxiety, creating a vicious cycle. Let’s get started!
Before we dive into alcohol-free strategies for coping with social anxiety, let’s take a quick moment to discuss why alcohol isn’t good for anxiety in the first place.
Many of us have probably used alcohol at some point or another to relax or “take the edge off” in a social situation. In fact, ordering a beer or glass of wine at the bar is typically one of the first things we do at a social event.
However, although a drink or two might seem like a good way to calm our nerves in the moment, mixing anxiety and alcohol in the long run can end up doing more harm than good. This is largely because alcohol throws off our brain’s delicate balance of mood-regulating chemicals.
It’s a bit like the chicken and egg relationship: anxiety can lead to drinking, but drinking can also lead to anxiety. This effect usually occurs a few hours to a day after drinking — otherwise known as “hangxiety.”
The problem is that drinking to cope with social anxiety can quickly become a habit, especially since it can worsen our symptoms. It’s easy to get into the habit of finding some “liquid courage” when we feel uncomfortable in social situations. Over time, this could spiral into physical and mental dependence.
Sadly, social anxiety and alcohol misuse often go hand-in-hand. One study estimates that about 1 in 5 people with social anxiety disorder (SAD) also struggle with alcohol abuse or dependence. Many more fall into gray area drinking, and would like to drink less than they do on social occasions.
Overall, the research is pretty clear: using alcohol for social anxiety can lead to a harmful cycle of ups and downs.
So, if drinking alcohol isn’t good for our social anxiety, what are some things we can do instead? Here are 7 tips for coping with social anxiety without alcohol:
Social anxiety is often linked to negative expectations about an event, or a negative assessment of our own capabilities. For instance, we might tell ourselves negative things such as “I’m not good enough” or “everyone thinks I’m an idiot.” The problem is that the more we feed ourselves this type of language, the worse we’ll feel — and the worse our anxiety will become.
Positive self-talk can be a powerful tool to help challenge our thoughts and adjust our mindset. Try making a list of things you like about yourself, or things that you’re particularly good at. Similarly, try writing down phrases that you can tell yourself before and during a social situation. For instance, you might repeat, “I’m capable and I can do this” or “I’m valuable and worthy regardless of what others think of me.” It can also be helpful to acknowledge how we’re feeling, but respond to ourselves with kindness and compassion. For instance, we might say to ourselves, “I know I’m feeling a little anxious right now, and that’s totally ok. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.” Even if it feels odd at first, keep practicing it. Over time, you’re likely to find these phrases actually help give you more confidence and calm your nerves.
Journaling our thoughts is a great coping mechanism for social anxiety. In fact, numerous studies have shown that journaling reduces overall levels of depression and anxiety. Even just a small amount of time spent journaling can lower blood pressure!
Anxiety is often accompanied by rumination — dwelling on negative thoughts. Journaling allows us to get these thoughts out of our head and down on paper, so we can process them in a more analytical, non-emotional way, and then respond appropriately to them.
In other words, instead of simply letting negative thoughts run rampant in our mind, journaling allows us to engage our thoughts and determine whether they are true or false. As a result, we’re better able to exercise control over our anxiety, rather than having it control us.
Social anxiety can often lead to physiological changes, such as rapid breathing, a racing heart, and sometimes even sweating. Learning relaxation techniques can be helpful both before and during social situations, as they can help slow our breathing and calm our nerves. Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) can be particularly effective, as it can help relieve tension when surrounded by people we might not know very well.
We can practice PMR through a two-step process. First, we systematically tense particular muscle groups in our body, such as our neck and shoulders. Then, we release the tension and notice how our muscles feel when we relax them. We can do this for every muscle group in our body. Doing so can help lower our overall tension and stress levels, and help us relax when we’re feeling anxious. The more regularly we practice this, the easier it’ll become.
If this feels too overwhelming, simply engaging in breathing exercises or bringing attention to our breath can also help provide relief. For instance, we can practice the 4-7-8 breathing technique, which has been shown to reduce anxiety. This involves breathing in for 4 seconds, holding our breath for 7 seconds, and exhaling for 8 seconds.
Similarly, mindfulness is another great tool that offers an array of emotional benefits, such as helping decrease anxiety, rumination, and emotional reactivity. In fact, people who practice mindfulness are better able to relax, have improved self-esteem, and possess more enthusiasm.
Mindfulness is a type of meditation where we’re focused on our senses and how we’re feeling in the moment. Often with social anxiety, we’ll be thinking about past social events or worrying about future ones, so finding the time to ground yourself and be present can be an effective way to calm yourself down.
Mindfulness is most effective when we practice it regularly — even for just 5-10 minutes a day. Even something as simple as mindful deep breathing can help. We can do this by focusing our attention on our breath, slowly breathing in, holding our breath for a few seconds, and slowly breathing out. There are also many apps and guided meditations out there that we can turn to for help.
Physical activity has incredible benefits not just for our physical health, but our mental health as well. In fact, exercise is one of 10 self-care practices that can boost our mental health.
Whenever we work out, our brain releases chemicals called endorphins, which make us feel good and give us a natural high. Studies show that regular physical activity can boost our mood, decrease tension, and reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety. In fact, some studies suggest exercise works as well as medication for alleviating anxiety and depression. One vigorous exercise session can alleviate symptoms for hours, and a regular schedule may significantly reduce them over time.
Experts recommend getting at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity and two sessions of muscle strengthening activity a week. This might sound like a lot, but we don’t have to do it all at once. We can break it up by doing 30 minutes of exercise a day, 5 days a week. But even just five minutes of aerobic exercise can stimulate anti-anxiety effects!
This might seem fairly obvious, but it can be helpful to avoid places that don’t serve alcohol, particularly if we struggle with temptation. This doesn’t mean that we have to avoid all social situations with alcohol, but at least for a time, we can consider taking a break from them. Instead, try spending time with people doing activities that don’t involve alcohol. For example, we might meet a group of friends at a park for an afternoon instead of a restaurant that serves alcohol.
We can also consider joining meetup groups related to our interests, or taking up a hobby that connects us to others, such as painting, kayaking, or knitting. We might even find that bonding with people who share common interests without alcohol makes it easier to overcome our social anxiety. Volunteering for a cause close to our heart is another great opportunity to connect with like-minded people.
If we feel like we’ve tried everything but are still struggling, it might be beneficial to seek the support of a counselor, therapist, or medical professional. There’s nothing wrong with getting outside help! A doctor can walk us through all our options for dealing with anxiety, including prescription medication options for managing symptoms. Similarly, a therapist can help us better understand the root of our social anxiety and develop a plan for managing triggers. We can also join an online community or self-help group, which connects us with others who struggle as we do. This helps us know we’re not alone and can have a positive impact on our emotional health and well-being.
Finally, we should also consider turning to a trusted family member or friend and opening up about our social anxiety. While it can be difficult to be vulnerable, having a built-in support system can make a world of difference. Our loved ones will support us when we need it, or at least be more understanding. For instance, if our friends are aware that we struggle with social anxiety, they may meet up with us before a social situation so we don’t have to go alone.
Social anxiety can be debilitating and difficult to cope with — especially if we’ve become accustomed to turning to alcohol for relief. However, one of the worst things we can do for any kind of anxiety — including social anxiety — is to consume alcohol, as this will only worsen symptoms in the long run. We can learn to cope with social anxiety without alcohol by practicing positive self-talk, relaxation techniques, and mindfulness, journaling, exercising, choosing social situations that don’t involve alcohol, and seeking support from professionals and loved ones. If we’re continuing to struggle with social anxiety after making lifestyle changes, we should also consider contacting a medical professional.
If you want to stop using alcohol to cope with social anxiety, consider trying Reframe. We’re a neuroscience-backed app that has helped millions of people reduce their alcohol consumption and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
You’ve just arrived at a party. You quickly scan the room, looking for friendly faces, but your worst fear has suddenly come true: you don’t see anyone you know. Your heart starts racing and you begin to panic. You’re awkwardly standing in the corner by yourself, and can feel your anxiety building by the minute. Normally, you’d distract yourself by going to get a cocktail, but you’ve committed to being sober for 30 days, so that’s not really an option. What can you do to help calm your nerves?
In this post, we’ll gain insight into social anxiety and explore tips and tricks for coping with it without alcohol. We’ll also look at how alcohol worsens anxiety, creating a vicious cycle. Let’s get started!
Before we dive into alcohol-free strategies for coping with social anxiety, let’s take a quick moment to discuss why alcohol isn’t good for anxiety in the first place.
Many of us have probably used alcohol at some point or another to relax or “take the edge off” in a social situation. In fact, ordering a beer or glass of wine at the bar is typically one of the first things we do at a social event.
However, although a drink or two might seem like a good way to calm our nerves in the moment, mixing anxiety and alcohol in the long run can end up doing more harm than good. This is largely because alcohol throws off our brain’s delicate balance of mood-regulating chemicals.
It’s a bit like the chicken and egg relationship: anxiety can lead to drinking, but drinking can also lead to anxiety. This effect usually occurs a few hours to a day after drinking — otherwise known as “hangxiety.”
The problem is that drinking to cope with social anxiety can quickly become a habit, especially since it can worsen our symptoms. It’s easy to get into the habit of finding some “liquid courage” when we feel uncomfortable in social situations. Over time, this could spiral into physical and mental dependence.
Sadly, social anxiety and alcohol misuse often go hand-in-hand. One study estimates that about 1 in 5 people with social anxiety disorder (SAD) also struggle with alcohol abuse or dependence. Many more fall into gray area drinking, and would like to drink less than they do on social occasions.
Overall, the research is pretty clear: using alcohol for social anxiety can lead to a harmful cycle of ups and downs.
So, if drinking alcohol isn’t good for our social anxiety, what are some things we can do instead? Here are 7 tips for coping with social anxiety without alcohol:
Social anxiety is often linked to negative expectations about an event, or a negative assessment of our own capabilities. For instance, we might tell ourselves negative things such as “I’m not good enough” or “everyone thinks I’m an idiot.” The problem is that the more we feed ourselves this type of language, the worse we’ll feel — and the worse our anxiety will become.
Positive self-talk can be a powerful tool to help challenge our thoughts and adjust our mindset. Try making a list of things you like about yourself, or things that you’re particularly good at. Similarly, try writing down phrases that you can tell yourself before and during a social situation. For instance, you might repeat, “I’m capable and I can do this” or “I’m valuable and worthy regardless of what others think of me.” It can also be helpful to acknowledge how we’re feeling, but respond to ourselves with kindness and compassion. For instance, we might say to ourselves, “I know I’m feeling a little anxious right now, and that’s totally ok. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.” Even if it feels odd at first, keep practicing it. Over time, you’re likely to find these phrases actually help give you more confidence and calm your nerves.
Journaling our thoughts is a great coping mechanism for social anxiety. In fact, numerous studies have shown that journaling reduces overall levels of depression and anxiety. Even just a small amount of time spent journaling can lower blood pressure!
Anxiety is often accompanied by rumination — dwelling on negative thoughts. Journaling allows us to get these thoughts out of our head and down on paper, so we can process them in a more analytical, non-emotional way, and then respond appropriately to them.
In other words, instead of simply letting negative thoughts run rampant in our mind, journaling allows us to engage our thoughts and determine whether they are true or false. As a result, we’re better able to exercise control over our anxiety, rather than having it control us.
Social anxiety can often lead to physiological changes, such as rapid breathing, a racing heart, and sometimes even sweating. Learning relaxation techniques can be helpful both before and during social situations, as they can help slow our breathing and calm our nerves. Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) can be particularly effective, as it can help relieve tension when surrounded by people we might not know very well.
We can practice PMR through a two-step process. First, we systematically tense particular muscle groups in our body, such as our neck and shoulders. Then, we release the tension and notice how our muscles feel when we relax them. We can do this for every muscle group in our body. Doing so can help lower our overall tension and stress levels, and help us relax when we’re feeling anxious. The more regularly we practice this, the easier it’ll become.
If this feels too overwhelming, simply engaging in breathing exercises or bringing attention to our breath can also help provide relief. For instance, we can practice the 4-7-8 breathing technique, which has been shown to reduce anxiety. This involves breathing in for 4 seconds, holding our breath for 7 seconds, and exhaling for 8 seconds.
Similarly, mindfulness is another great tool that offers an array of emotional benefits, such as helping decrease anxiety, rumination, and emotional reactivity. In fact, people who practice mindfulness are better able to relax, have improved self-esteem, and possess more enthusiasm.
Mindfulness is a type of meditation where we’re focused on our senses and how we’re feeling in the moment. Often with social anxiety, we’ll be thinking about past social events or worrying about future ones, so finding the time to ground yourself and be present can be an effective way to calm yourself down.
Mindfulness is most effective when we practice it regularly — even for just 5-10 minutes a day. Even something as simple as mindful deep breathing can help. We can do this by focusing our attention on our breath, slowly breathing in, holding our breath for a few seconds, and slowly breathing out. There are also many apps and guided meditations out there that we can turn to for help.
Physical activity has incredible benefits not just for our physical health, but our mental health as well. In fact, exercise is one of 10 self-care practices that can boost our mental health.
Whenever we work out, our brain releases chemicals called endorphins, which make us feel good and give us a natural high. Studies show that regular physical activity can boost our mood, decrease tension, and reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety. In fact, some studies suggest exercise works as well as medication for alleviating anxiety and depression. One vigorous exercise session can alleviate symptoms for hours, and a regular schedule may significantly reduce them over time.
Experts recommend getting at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity and two sessions of muscle strengthening activity a week. This might sound like a lot, but we don’t have to do it all at once. We can break it up by doing 30 minutes of exercise a day, 5 days a week. But even just five minutes of aerobic exercise can stimulate anti-anxiety effects!
This might seem fairly obvious, but it can be helpful to avoid places that don’t serve alcohol, particularly if we struggle with temptation. This doesn’t mean that we have to avoid all social situations with alcohol, but at least for a time, we can consider taking a break from them. Instead, try spending time with people doing activities that don’t involve alcohol. For example, we might meet a group of friends at a park for an afternoon instead of a restaurant that serves alcohol.
We can also consider joining meetup groups related to our interests, or taking up a hobby that connects us to others, such as painting, kayaking, or knitting. We might even find that bonding with people who share common interests without alcohol makes it easier to overcome our social anxiety. Volunteering for a cause close to our heart is another great opportunity to connect with like-minded people.
If we feel like we’ve tried everything but are still struggling, it might be beneficial to seek the support of a counselor, therapist, or medical professional. There’s nothing wrong with getting outside help! A doctor can walk us through all our options for dealing with anxiety, including prescription medication options for managing symptoms. Similarly, a therapist can help us better understand the root of our social anxiety and develop a plan for managing triggers. We can also join an online community or self-help group, which connects us with others who struggle as we do. This helps us know we’re not alone and can have a positive impact on our emotional health and well-being.
Finally, we should also consider turning to a trusted family member or friend and opening up about our social anxiety. While it can be difficult to be vulnerable, having a built-in support system can make a world of difference. Our loved ones will support us when we need it, or at least be more understanding. For instance, if our friends are aware that we struggle with social anxiety, they may meet up with us before a social situation so we don’t have to go alone.
Social anxiety can be debilitating and difficult to cope with — especially if we’ve become accustomed to turning to alcohol for relief. However, one of the worst things we can do for any kind of anxiety — including social anxiety — is to consume alcohol, as this will only worsen symptoms in the long run. We can learn to cope with social anxiety without alcohol by practicing positive self-talk, relaxation techniques, and mindfulness, journaling, exercising, choosing social situations that don’t involve alcohol, and seeking support from professionals and loved ones. If we’re continuing to struggle with social anxiety after making lifestyle changes, we should also consider contacting a medical professional.
If you want to stop using alcohol to cope with social anxiety, consider trying Reframe. We’re a neuroscience-backed app that has helped millions of people reduce their alcohol consumption and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Step into the vibrant world of neurodiversity with our newest blog post! From ADHD to autism, uncover the intricacies of our brain's vast spectrum.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
For a long time, having a mind that’s wired differently was seen as a problem rather than as a sign of the valuable diversity that exists among us. However, as author, activist, and neurodiversity advocate Temple Grandin says, ““The world needs all types of minds.”
Neurodiversity is a term that highlights the natural variations in how human brains function. Instead of treating differences like ADHD, autism, or dyslexia as disorders or abnormalities, neurodiversity embraces them as part of the broad spectrum of human brain variations. Just like no two fingerprints are the same, our brains too have their own unique signatures! Let’s explore the intricacies of navigating the world through the neurodivergent lens and learn how these differences can ultimately be inspiring and make our communities creative, resilient, and compassionate.
Neurodiversity isn't just a 21st-century buzzword. The journey of its understanding and acceptance has deep roots that have evolved over the decades.
The modern perspective on neurodiversity has shifted towards acceptance, understanding, and appreciation of neurological differences. From schools implementing inclusive educational practices to businesses recognizing the unique strengths of neurodiverse employees, the movement continues to gain momentum.
Genetic studies and advanced brain imaging have shown that variations in neural structures and functions are super common. In fact, no two brains are identical. It's these very differences that give rise to the vast array of talents, perspectives, and ways of problem-solving! Let's explore the main avenues of research that changed how we see neurodiversity today:
Science is still unraveling the myriad mysteries of our brain, but one thing is clear: neurodiversity is a natural, inherent, and vital aspect of the human experience. It's not just about labels or conditions — it's about recognizing the wondrous spectrum of human cognition and capability.
Now, let’s examine five of the main types of neurodiversity in more detail.
ADHD, which stands for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, is often characterized in popular culture by hyperactive children bouncing off walls or daydreaming students who seem "elsewhere." But there's so much more depth to this neurodiverse condition!
While ADHD is characterized by symptoms such as inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity, the degree to which these traits are expressed is unique for everyone. The different subtypes of ADHD include predominantly inattentive, predominantly hyperactive-impulsive, and combined presentation.
Despite its challenges, ADHD can come with a silver lining. Many with the condition possess unique strengths such as creativity, enthusiasm, resilience, and the ability to think outside the box. Some even thrive in high-pressure situations, demonstrating an uncanny ability to hyperfocus on tasks they're passionate about.
While medications can be effective for managing some ADHD symptoms, a comprehensive approach often includes behavioral therapies, counseling, educational support, and lifestyle adjustments. Tailored strategies, such as using visual aids or breaking tasks into manageable chunks, can make a world of difference.
ADHD, far from being a one-size-fits-all label, is a rich tapestry of experiences, challenges, and strengths. As society grows in understanding, the narrative is shifting from mere symptom management to embracing the unique perspectives and capabilities of those with ADHD. It’s not about "fixing" anyone — it’s about understanding, supporting, and celebrating the vibrant diversity of the human experience.
Autism, or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), is one of the most discussed yet often misunderstood conditions in the realm of neurodiversity. Often simplified to repetitive behaviors or social challenges, autism encompasses a vast array of experiences and abilities.
While autism is characterized by varying degrees of social communication challenges and repetitive behaviors, it's called a "spectrum" because of the wide range of symptoms, strengths, and levels of disability that can manifest in different people.
While signs of autism can be noticed in early childhood — delayed speech, intense focus on specific interests, or challenges with eye contact are the big ones — the journey continues into adulthood. With the right support, many adults with autism lead independent, fulfilling lives, while some might require ongoing assistance.
Movies and media often portray a narrow image of autism — either a non-verbal individual needing constant care or a genius with a unique talent. While these representations can be accurate for some, they don't capture the vast middle ground where many on the spectrum live their lives.
Autism brings with it a plethora of strengths. Many autistic individuals have profound abilities in specific areas such as music, math, visual arts, or memory. Their unique perspective on the world can lead to innovative problem-solving and creativity.
Autism, in all its complexity, teaches us that there's no singular way to experience the world. As awareness grows and myths are dispelled, society is slowly but surely moving towards a more inclusive and understanding space for the autistic community that celebrates the spectrum of experiences and strengths that autism brings!
Dyslexia — a neurologically-based learning difference that affects one's ability to read, write, and spell — is a term many have heard but few truly understand. While it’s often associated with "reading letters backward," the reality is much more intricate.
First things first: dyslexia is not about intelligence or a lack of effort — dyslexic brains process language differently. And while some people with dyslexia might, indeed, reverse letters, the condition spans much broader challenges.
Dyslexia is often termed an "invisible" learning difference. Because of this, it can go undetected for years. Early detection and support can make a significant difference, allowing individuals to develop strategies that harness their strengths.
Modern technology is a boon for those with dyslexia. Tools such as text-to-speech software, spell-checkers, audiobooks, and apps specifically designed for dyslexic learners are leveling the academic playing field and offering newfound independence.
But dyslexia itself isn't just about challenges — it comes with a host of strengths! Many with dyslexia excel in big-picture thinking, problem-solving, and creativity. Their unique brain wiring often lends itself to out-of-the-box insights and spatial reasoning abilities.
Dyslexia offers a fresh perspective on the world of language and learning. Recognizing, understanding, and supporting those with dyslexia means appreciating that there isn't just one "right" way to learn or process information.
When we think of learning differences, we often zoom in on reading, writing, and arithmetic. But what about tying shoelaces, buttoning shirts, or coordinating body movements? Enter dyspraxia — a lesser-known neurodivergent condition that affects motor coordination.
While dyspraxia primarily affects motor skills, it isn't limited to the physical. It's not about being "clumsy" but rather about the brain processing movement differently.
In our technology-driven world, adaptive tools can be game-changers. Whether it's voice-to-text software for those who find typing tough or specialized utensils designed for easier grip, innovations are making daily tasks more accessible.
Plus, dyspraxia, like many neurodiverse conditions, comes with its set of strengths. Folks with dyspraxia often develop heightened resilience, problem-solving skills, and empathy, having faced unique challenges themselves.
In the vast realm of neurodiversity, Tourette's Syndrome (often simply called Tourette's) holds a special place. Often reduced to a caricature of involuntary swearing in pop culture, the truth about Tourette's is layered.
Tourette's is a neurological condition characterized by repetitive, involuntary movements and vocalizations called "tics." These tics can be motor (like blinking or shrugging) or vocal (like humming or throat-clearing). However, there’s more to it:
While there's no "cure" for Tourette's, behavioral therapies, medications, and supportive interventions can help manage symptoms. Over time, many people also develop their own coping strategies, from deep breathing exercises to engaging in activities that channel their energy positively.
Facing daily challenges often cultivates resilience. Many with Tourette's develop strong problem-solving skills, empathy, and a deep-seated sense of perseverance. Their unique experiences often endow them with a rich perspective on life.
Tourette's teaches us the profound lesson of looking beyond the surface. By delving deeper into understanding this condition, we move towards a world where every twitch, hum, or unexpected sound is met with understanding!
When we appreciate and understand neurodiversity, we foster environments where everyone’s strengths are acknowledged, empowering people to flourish in their unique ways. Plus, diversified teams in workplaces or schools tend to be more creative and resilient. So, it’s a win-win for everyone!
One effective way to do so is by creating so-called safe spaces — a term that has become a bit of a buzzword, but refers to a powerful and practical strategy. A "safe space" in the context of neurodiversity refers to an environment (physical, social, or digital) where neurodiverse members can be themselves, without fear of judgment, stigma, or sensory overload. It's where understanding reigns, and accommodations are made to ensure everyone can participate comfortably.
A pioneer in this arena, EventWell founder Helen Moon, stands as a great example of addressing the need for neuroinclusive spaces, especially in events and hospitality. EventWell has made strides in educating professionals and advocating for positive change. Their focus? Ensuring every event is not just an experience but an inclusive celebration for all attendees through the following widely applicable strategies:
One of the areas where the influence of neurodiversity is particularly salient is in our relationship with alcohol. Understanding how our unique neurological makeup interacts with alcohol can pave the way for a more mindful approach to drinking.
For many neurodiverse people, social situations can be overwhelming. In settings where alcohol is present, it may seem as a potential “buffer” against social anxiety, sensory overload, or other challenges. For some, it might provide temporary relief from the feelings of being "different" or "out of place."
Neurodiverse individuals might also experience heightened sensitivities to substances, including alcohol. For example, some people with autism might have a heightened sensitivity to tastes, smells, and the physical effects of alcohol, making the experience of drinking quite intense.
Recognizing and understanding one's neurological differences is a crucial step towards mindful alcohol consumption. By being more in tune with how one’s body and mind respond to alcohol, we can make informed decisions about when to drink, how much to consume, or whether to abstain entirely.
For those on a journey to reduce or quit alcohol, integrating this understanding can lead to more sustainable and personalized strategies, ensuring the path chosen aligns with their unique neurological narrative. Here are some strategies:
Feeling inspired to dive deeper into the world of neurodiversity? Here are some steps to engage with, understand, and advocate for it:
In a world that's constantly evolving, understanding and embracing neurodiversity is not just the right thing to do — it's the smart thing to do. It’s about seeing potential, fostering creativity, and building a society where everyone has a place to shine. So, when we meet someone who thinks or behaves differently than us, we can appreciate their strengths and learn from their resilience and adaptability.
Neurodiversity enriches our collective experience, offering diverse perspectives, talents, and ways of engaging with the world. When we create spaces that respect and celebrate these differences, we're not only championing inclusion — we're acknowledging the immense value of every person within them!
For a long time, having a mind that’s wired differently was seen as a problem rather than as a sign of the valuable diversity that exists among us. However, as author, activist, and neurodiversity advocate Temple Grandin says, ““The world needs all types of minds.”
Neurodiversity is a term that highlights the natural variations in how human brains function. Instead of treating differences like ADHD, autism, or dyslexia as disorders or abnormalities, neurodiversity embraces them as part of the broad spectrum of human brain variations. Just like no two fingerprints are the same, our brains too have their own unique signatures! Let’s explore the intricacies of navigating the world through the neurodivergent lens and learn how these differences can ultimately be inspiring and make our communities creative, resilient, and compassionate.
Neurodiversity isn't just a 21st-century buzzword. The journey of its understanding and acceptance has deep roots that have evolved over the decades.
The modern perspective on neurodiversity has shifted towards acceptance, understanding, and appreciation of neurological differences. From schools implementing inclusive educational practices to businesses recognizing the unique strengths of neurodiverse employees, the movement continues to gain momentum.
Genetic studies and advanced brain imaging have shown that variations in neural structures and functions are super common. In fact, no two brains are identical. It's these very differences that give rise to the vast array of talents, perspectives, and ways of problem-solving! Let's explore the main avenues of research that changed how we see neurodiversity today:
Science is still unraveling the myriad mysteries of our brain, but one thing is clear: neurodiversity is a natural, inherent, and vital aspect of the human experience. It's not just about labels or conditions — it's about recognizing the wondrous spectrum of human cognition and capability.
Now, let’s examine five of the main types of neurodiversity in more detail.
ADHD, which stands for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, is often characterized in popular culture by hyperactive children bouncing off walls or daydreaming students who seem "elsewhere." But there's so much more depth to this neurodiverse condition!
While ADHD is characterized by symptoms such as inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity, the degree to which these traits are expressed is unique for everyone. The different subtypes of ADHD include predominantly inattentive, predominantly hyperactive-impulsive, and combined presentation.
Despite its challenges, ADHD can come with a silver lining. Many with the condition possess unique strengths such as creativity, enthusiasm, resilience, and the ability to think outside the box. Some even thrive in high-pressure situations, demonstrating an uncanny ability to hyperfocus on tasks they're passionate about.
While medications can be effective for managing some ADHD symptoms, a comprehensive approach often includes behavioral therapies, counseling, educational support, and lifestyle adjustments. Tailored strategies, such as using visual aids or breaking tasks into manageable chunks, can make a world of difference.
ADHD, far from being a one-size-fits-all label, is a rich tapestry of experiences, challenges, and strengths. As society grows in understanding, the narrative is shifting from mere symptom management to embracing the unique perspectives and capabilities of those with ADHD. It’s not about "fixing" anyone — it’s about understanding, supporting, and celebrating the vibrant diversity of the human experience.
Autism, or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), is one of the most discussed yet often misunderstood conditions in the realm of neurodiversity. Often simplified to repetitive behaviors or social challenges, autism encompasses a vast array of experiences and abilities.
While autism is characterized by varying degrees of social communication challenges and repetitive behaviors, it's called a "spectrum" because of the wide range of symptoms, strengths, and levels of disability that can manifest in different people.
While signs of autism can be noticed in early childhood — delayed speech, intense focus on specific interests, or challenges with eye contact are the big ones — the journey continues into adulthood. With the right support, many adults with autism lead independent, fulfilling lives, while some might require ongoing assistance.
Movies and media often portray a narrow image of autism — either a non-verbal individual needing constant care or a genius with a unique talent. While these representations can be accurate for some, they don't capture the vast middle ground where many on the spectrum live their lives.
Autism brings with it a plethora of strengths. Many autistic individuals have profound abilities in specific areas such as music, math, visual arts, or memory. Their unique perspective on the world can lead to innovative problem-solving and creativity.
Autism, in all its complexity, teaches us that there's no singular way to experience the world. As awareness grows and myths are dispelled, society is slowly but surely moving towards a more inclusive and understanding space for the autistic community that celebrates the spectrum of experiences and strengths that autism brings!
Dyslexia — a neurologically-based learning difference that affects one's ability to read, write, and spell — is a term many have heard but few truly understand. While it’s often associated with "reading letters backward," the reality is much more intricate.
First things first: dyslexia is not about intelligence or a lack of effort — dyslexic brains process language differently. And while some people with dyslexia might, indeed, reverse letters, the condition spans much broader challenges.
Dyslexia is often termed an "invisible" learning difference. Because of this, it can go undetected for years. Early detection and support can make a significant difference, allowing individuals to develop strategies that harness their strengths.
Modern technology is a boon for those with dyslexia. Tools such as text-to-speech software, spell-checkers, audiobooks, and apps specifically designed for dyslexic learners are leveling the academic playing field and offering newfound independence.
But dyslexia itself isn't just about challenges — it comes with a host of strengths! Many with dyslexia excel in big-picture thinking, problem-solving, and creativity. Their unique brain wiring often lends itself to out-of-the-box insights and spatial reasoning abilities.
Dyslexia offers a fresh perspective on the world of language and learning. Recognizing, understanding, and supporting those with dyslexia means appreciating that there isn't just one "right" way to learn or process information.
When we think of learning differences, we often zoom in on reading, writing, and arithmetic. But what about tying shoelaces, buttoning shirts, or coordinating body movements? Enter dyspraxia — a lesser-known neurodivergent condition that affects motor coordination.
While dyspraxia primarily affects motor skills, it isn't limited to the physical. It's not about being "clumsy" but rather about the brain processing movement differently.
In our technology-driven world, adaptive tools can be game-changers. Whether it's voice-to-text software for those who find typing tough or specialized utensils designed for easier grip, innovations are making daily tasks more accessible.
Plus, dyspraxia, like many neurodiverse conditions, comes with its set of strengths. Folks with dyspraxia often develop heightened resilience, problem-solving skills, and empathy, having faced unique challenges themselves.
In the vast realm of neurodiversity, Tourette's Syndrome (often simply called Tourette's) holds a special place. Often reduced to a caricature of involuntary swearing in pop culture, the truth about Tourette's is layered.
Tourette's is a neurological condition characterized by repetitive, involuntary movements and vocalizations called "tics." These tics can be motor (like blinking or shrugging) or vocal (like humming or throat-clearing). However, there’s more to it:
While there's no "cure" for Tourette's, behavioral therapies, medications, and supportive interventions can help manage symptoms. Over time, many people also develop their own coping strategies, from deep breathing exercises to engaging in activities that channel their energy positively.
Facing daily challenges often cultivates resilience. Many with Tourette's develop strong problem-solving skills, empathy, and a deep-seated sense of perseverance. Their unique experiences often endow them with a rich perspective on life.
Tourette's teaches us the profound lesson of looking beyond the surface. By delving deeper into understanding this condition, we move towards a world where every twitch, hum, or unexpected sound is met with understanding!
When we appreciate and understand neurodiversity, we foster environments where everyone’s strengths are acknowledged, empowering people to flourish in their unique ways. Plus, diversified teams in workplaces or schools tend to be more creative and resilient. So, it’s a win-win for everyone!
One effective way to do so is by creating so-called safe spaces — a term that has become a bit of a buzzword, but refers to a powerful and practical strategy. A "safe space" in the context of neurodiversity refers to an environment (physical, social, or digital) where neurodiverse members can be themselves, without fear of judgment, stigma, or sensory overload. It's where understanding reigns, and accommodations are made to ensure everyone can participate comfortably.
A pioneer in this arena, EventWell founder Helen Moon, stands as a great example of addressing the need for neuroinclusive spaces, especially in events and hospitality. EventWell has made strides in educating professionals and advocating for positive change. Their focus? Ensuring every event is not just an experience but an inclusive celebration for all attendees through the following widely applicable strategies:
One of the areas where the influence of neurodiversity is particularly salient is in our relationship with alcohol. Understanding how our unique neurological makeup interacts with alcohol can pave the way for a more mindful approach to drinking.
For many neurodiverse people, social situations can be overwhelming. In settings where alcohol is present, it may seem as a potential “buffer” against social anxiety, sensory overload, or other challenges. For some, it might provide temporary relief from the feelings of being "different" or "out of place."
Neurodiverse individuals might also experience heightened sensitivities to substances, including alcohol. For example, some people with autism might have a heightened sensitivity to tastes, smells, and the physical effects of alcohol, making the experience of drinking quite intense.
Recognizing and understanding one's neurological differences is a crucial step towards mindful alcohol consumption. By being more in tune with how one’s body and mind respond to alcohol, we can make informed decisions about when to drink, how much to consume, or whether to abstain entirely.
For those on a journey to reduce or quit alcohol, integrating this understanding can lead to more sustainable and personalized strategies, ensuring the path chosen aligns with their unique neurological narrative. Here are some strategies:
Feeling inspired to dive deeper into the world of neurodiversity? Here are some steps to engage with, understand, and advocate for it:
In a world that's constantly evolving, understanding and embracing neurodiversity is not just the right thing to do — it's the smart thing to do. It’s about seeing potential, fostering creativity, and building a society where everyone has a place to shine. So, when we meet someone who thinks or behaves differently than us, we can appreciate their strengths and learn from their resilience and adaptability.
Neurodiversity enriches our collective experience, offering diverse perspectives, talents, and ways of engaging with the world. When we create spaces that respect and celebrate these differences, we're not only championing inclusion — we're acknowledging the immense value of every person within them!
What is FOMO? It's more than a buzzword — it's a real psychological hurdle, especially when you're trying to cut back on alcohol or quit.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
Imagine attending a weekend barbecue where every sense seems to be engaged in the celebration. The smoky aroma of burgers on the grill fills the air, punctuated by bursts of laughter and chatter. In the background, the soundtrack of clinking beer bottles and wine glasses seems to affirm that everyone is enjoying themselves. For many, this setting is the epitome of weekend relaxation and social connection.
However, for those of us who have made the conscious decision to change our drinking habits, the same environment transforms into a landscape of temptations and tests. Each clink of glass may reverberate as a reminder of the choice we’ve made, casting a shadow on our social experience. What was once a leisurely get-together can feel like navigating a minefield of social expectations and self-imposed limitations. This is one of the challenges o
When it comes to making healthier choices, especially concerning alcohol consumption, it's often easier said than done. A major roadblock people face is not just the physiological craving for alcohol but the psychological dread associated with missing out on something seemingly important — commonly known as the fear of missing out, or FOMO.
FOMO has garnered a lot of attention from the scientific community. Researchers at the University of Essex, for instance, demonstrated that FOMO is linked to lower life satisfaction and poorer emotional well-being. FOMO has been shown to induce a form of social anxiety, making people more susceptible to external pressures, like peer influence. This is why the fear feels so potent — it's not just a figment of imagination but is rooted in actual psychological disturbances.
From a neuroscience standpoint, FOMO is closely related to the brain's reward system, which involves neurotransmitters like dopamine. When contemplating the decision to skip drinks at a social event, the brain weighs the potential "loss" heavily. A 2016 study discovered neural correlates of FOMO, highlighting that it activates the same areas of the brain that are associated with rewards and pleasure. In essence, the brain tricks itself into believing that not partaking in alcohol is missing out on a rewarding experience, making the decision to abstain or cut back exceedingly difficult.
Alcohol consumption, particularly in social settings, can land us in major FOMO territory. It's not merely the elixir in the glass that beckons; it's the entire ambiance. The toast with colleagues, the celebratory chug among friends, or even a simple wine toast at a romantic dinner — all these contribute to a heightened sense of loss when abstaining or cutting back. Moreover, the social acceptability of drinking culture makes alcohol a convenient social lubricant, further complicating the internal tug-of-war between the intention to change our drinking habits and the fear of missing out.
It might be tempting to dismiss FOMO as trivial, but its implications go beyond that Friday night hangout. Studies have shown that chronic exposure to high levels of social stressors, such as FOMO, can adversely affect both mental and physical health. It increases the risk of developing anxiety disorders and contributes to higher levels of stress hormones, like cortisol, which are harmful in the long term. In a way, this forms a vicious cycle — stress leads to FOMO, which then leads to actions like excessive drinking that induce more stress, thereby fueling a continuing loop of unhealthy behavior.
The relationship between FOMO, meaningful interactions, and alcohol consumption is multi-dimensional. It is influenced by individual personality traits, socio-cultural norms, and even brain chemistry. Its understanding requires an interdisciplinary approach that blends insights from psychology, neuroscience, and social science. The importance of unraveling this complex interplay cannot be overstated, especially when considering the far-reaching impacts on mental and physical health.
Understanding the science behind FOMO and its relationship with alcohol provides crucial insights into how deeply ingrained this phenomenon is. It's not just a fleeting concern but a significant psychological and neurological event that can shape choices and influence behavior in impactful ways. Armed with this knowledge, the path towards healthier habits may still be challenging, but it's one illuminated with the light of understanding.
While the initial decision to quit or cut back on alcohol might come with a sense of empowerment and optimism, what often follows is a more nuanced emotional landscape that includes the resurgence of FOMO. This fear tends to strike hardest during the first weeks and months of changing our drinking habits, but its echo can persist much longer.
Consider social invitations, the harbingers of temptation. The simple act of receiving an invite to a happy hour or a wine-and-cheese soiree might instigate internal conflict. The immediate reaction could be an excitement, promptly followed by the remembrance of the commitment to sobriety or reduced drinking. Now, the excitement is tinged with anxiety. The prospect of being the only one not drinking, or worse, having to explain the decision to abstain, can stir a variety of apprehensions. These apprehensions often root themselves in FOMO — the fear that by saying “no” to alcohol, we are also saying “no” to social connections, fun, and even opportunities.
In the age of social media, FOMO finds another arena to flourish. Picture friends sharing Instagram Stories or posts from a raucous night out, complete with artisanal cocktails and champagne toasts. Witnessing such narratives can make anyone reconsider their choices, even when intellectually aware that social media is but a curated highlight reel. FOMO capitalizes on these moments of vulnerability, exacerbating the feeling that everyone else is having a better time — probably because they're freely enjoying alcohol.
It's not only individual neurochemistry at play here; social pressures significantly bolster FOMO. In many cultures, alcohol consumption is not merely tolerated but celebrated. There are toasts for milestones, drinks for celebrations, and spirits to lighten spirits. To abstain or cut back can sometimes feel like swimming against a very persistent tide. It’s not just the fear of missing out on the drink but also the bonding, the shared laughter, and the communal experience that comes with it.
Strangely enough, being aware of FOMO doesn't necessarily make it easier to combat. Knowledge doesn't always translate into emotional immunity. However, awareness does offer a starting point for developing coping mechanisms. It allows for the space to dissect why the fear arises, what triggers it, and how it can be either sidestepped or confronted.
So, for those of us on the path to reducing alcohol intake or quitting altogether, be prepared: FOMO will try to make an uninvited comeback. But understanding its many faces — social, psychological, and neurological — can better equip us to fend off its insidious influence.
Let's face it, changing a deeply entrenched habit like alcohol consumption isn't just about willpower; it's also about reengineering social experiences. The temporary void that is left behind when we decide to change our drinking habits can be rather daunting. This is where intentionally curating new social activities can play a game-changing role. Here are some ways to reroute the course of social life that don't involve alcohol.
A common reason why FOMO surges during alcohol abstinence or reduction is that our social calendar may suddenly look depressingly empty. But who said fun and socializing can only happen over drinks? Organizing a game night with board games or video games can offer an equally exhilarating social experience. If the outdoors beckon, a nature hike or even a simple picnic can serve as a bonding activity that also benefits physical health. Movie outings, cooking parties, or even joining group classes — be it dance, pottery, or cooking — are great ways to socialize and learn something new. You can even join a community meeting our check out one of our science-backed courses on the Reframe app! By keeping our calendar brimming with alternative social plans, FOMO's grip loosens, and our mind gets increasingly preoccupied with new forms of enjoyment.
One powerful antidote to FOMO is JOMO, or the "joy of missing out." This is about relishing the present and appreciating the unique benefits that come from changing our drinking habits. Instead of looking at pictures of friends with cocktails and feeling left out, the focus shifts to the physical and psychological improvements we experience. Better sleep quality, improved liver function, increased energy levels, and clearer skin are just the tip of the iceberg. The psychological boosts can include enhanced focus, less anxiety, and a more robust emotional equilibrium. By consciously shifting focus to these gains, the so-called “losses” begin to pale in comparison.
Journeying alone on the path of alcohol reduction or sobriety can sometimes make the challenges appear insurmountable. This is why having an alcohol-free or alcohol-conscious buddy can make a world of difference. It could be a friend, a family member, or even a co-worker who shares the same goal. When there's another person invested in the same objective, it establishes a support system that's reciprocal. Sharing struggles, strategies, and small victories adds an accountability factor that can be incredibly motivating. Plus, the emotional support that comes from someone who understands the specific challenges makes the entire process less lonely and more attainable.
One of the toughest aspects of cutting back on alcohol or quitting altogether is the inevitable explanation that seems required when declining a drink. How about eliminating that awkwardness from the get-go? Honesty can be a fantastic tool in this journey. If it feels comfortable, letting friends or event hosts know about the decision to cut back or quit drinking can work wonders. This straightforward approach has multiple benefits. Firstly, it lifts the emotional burden and internal tension that comes from trying to dodge the issue. Secondly, it usually reduces peer pressure; most people respect a clearly stated personal choice. Lastly, it may even inspire others to be more mindful of their drinking habits. Transparency can turn an internal struggle into an external declaration of self-care.
Music is often referred to as the soul’s therapy for good reason. The emotional impact of a well-curated playlist can be as uplifting as any social drink. As part of this alcohol-free or alcohol-conscious journey, consider making a “No Drink” playlist filled with favorite songs that evoke happiness, nostalgia, or even empowerment. Turn on this playlist while getting ready to go out or even during a gathering at home. Let the music serve as both an emotional boost and a reminder of the ability to feel good — no alcohol necessary!
Social gatherings often pose the challenge of how to gracefully decline an offer to drink. Why not prepare for these moments in advance? Having a pre-practiced “script” or a set of polite, assertive responses can be incredibly helpful. It could be as simple as saying, “I’m focusing on my health right now, so I’m skipping the alcohol tonight.” No need for elaborate explanations; clarity trumps verbosity. The script doesn’t just make it easier to say no; it also reduces the stress and anxiety associated with such moments.
Humans are motivated by rewards. That’s basic psychology. So why not use this to our advantage? Setting achievable milestones — like completing a week or a month without alcohol — and rewarding ourselves upon reaching them can be highly motivating. These rewards can range from small indulgences like a spa day to more grand experiences like a weekend getaway. The key is to make the rewards appealing enough to act as a strong incentive to stick to the goal of changing our drinking habits.
While it may feel all-encompassing at the beginning of the journey to cut back on or quit alcohol, it's essential to remember that FOMO is not a life sentence. As the days turn into weeks and the weeks into months, something incredible begins to happen: new habits form, and the old ones, the ones that used to induce FOMO, start to fade away.
As the benefits of this new lifestyle accumulate, they serve as reinforcing loops. Imagine waking up fresh every morning, without the haze of last night's drinks clouding the mind. Visualize the physical changes, perhaps weight loss or clearer skin, that become noticeable and add a spring to every step. These tangible benefits have a way of pushing out the old worries and fears. The social scenarios that once seemed impossible without alcohol suddenly become manageable, even enjoyable.
So while the journey may begin with that single step, it certainly doesn't end there. It evolves into a trek of discovery, one where each milestone is a beacon illuminating the many rewards that lie ahead.
Imagine attending a weekend barbecue where every sense seems to be engaged in the celebration. The smoky aroma of burgers on the grill fills the air, punctuated by bursts of laughter and chatter. In the background, the soundtrack of clinking beer bottles and wine glasses seems to affirm that everyone is enjoying themselves. For many, this setting is the epitome of weekend relaxation and social connection.
However, for those of us who have made the conscious decision to change our drinking habits, the same environment transforms into a landscape of temptations and tests. Each clink of glass may reverberate as a reminder of the choice we’ve made, casting a shadow on our social experience. What was once a leisurely get-together can feel like navigating a minefield of social expectations and self-imposed limitations. This is one of the challenges o
When it comes to making healthier choices, especially concerning alcohol consumption, it's often easier said than done. A major roadblock people face is not just the physiological craving for alcohol but the psychological dread associated with missing out on something seemingly important — commonly known as the fear of missing out, or FOMO.
FOMO has garnered a lot of attention from the scientific community. Researchers at the University of Essex, for instance, demonstrated that FOMO is linked to lower life satisfaction and poorer emotional well-being. FOMO has been shown to induce a form of social anxiety, making people more susceptible to external pressures, like peer influence. This is why the fear feels so potent — it's not just a figment of imagination but is rooted in actual psychological disturbances.
From a neuroscience standpoint, FOMO is closely related to the brain's reward system, which involves neurotransmitters like dopamine. When contemplating the decision to skip drinks at a social event, the brain weighs the potential "loss" heavily. A 2016 study discovered neural correlates of FOMO, highlighting that it activates the same areas of the brain that are associated with rewards and pleasure. In essence, the brain tricks itself into believing that not partaking in alcohol is missing out on a rewarding experience, making the decision to abstain or cut back exceedingly difficult.
Alcohol consumption, particularly in social settings, can land us in major FOMO territory. It's not merely the elixir in the glass that beckons; it's the entire ambiance. The toast with colleagues, the celebratory chug among friends, or even a simple wine toast at a romantic dinner — all these contribute to a heightened sense of loss when abstaining or cutting back. Moreover, the social acceptability of drinking culture makes alcohol a convenient social lubricant, further complicating the internal tug-of-war between the intention to change our drinking habits and the fear of missing out.
It might be tempting to dismiss FOMO as trivial, but its implications go beyond that Friday night hangout. Studies have shown that chronic exposure to high levels of social stressors, such as FOMO, can adversely affect both mental and physical health. It increases the risk of developing anxiety disorders and contributes to higher levels of stress hormones, like cortisol, which are harmful in the long term. In a way, this forms a vicious cycle — stress leads to FOMO, which then leads to actions like excessive drinking that induce more stress, thereby fueling a continuing loop of unhealthy behavior.
The relationship between FOMO, meaningful interactions, and alcohol consumption is multi-dimensional. It is influenced by individual personality traits, socio-cultural norms, and even brain chemistry. Its understanding requires an interdisciplinary approach that blends insights from psychology, neuroscience, and social science. The importance of unraveling this complex interplay cannot be overstated, especially when considering the far-reaching impacts on mental and physical health.
Understanding the science behind FOMO and its relationship with alcohol provides crucial insights into how deeply ingrained this phenomenon is. It's not just a fleeting concern but a significant psychological and neurological event that can shape choices and influence behavior in impactful ways. Armed with this knowledge, the path towards healthier habits may still be challenging, but it's one illuminated with the light of understanding.
While the initial decision to quit or cut back on alcohol might come with a sense of empowerment and optimism, what often follows is a more nuanced emotional landscape that includes the resurgence of FOMO. This fear tends to strike hardest during the first weeks and months of changing our drinking habits, but its echo can persist much longer.
Consider social invitations, the harbingers of temptation. The simple act of receiving an invite to a happy hour or a wine-and-cheese soiree might instigate internal conflict. The immediate reaction could be an excitement, promptly followed by the remembrance of the commitment to sobriety or reduced drinking. Now, the excitement is tinged with anxiety. The prospect of being the only one not drinking, or worse, having to explain the decision to abstain, can stir a variety of apprehensions. These apprehensions often root themselves in FOMO — the fear that by saying “no” to alcohol, we are also saying “no” to social connections, fun, and even opportunities.
In the age of social media, FOMO finds another arena to flourish. Picture friends sharing Instagram Stories or posts from a raucous night out, complete with artisanal cocktails and champagne toasts. Witnessing such narratives can make anyone reconsider their choices, even when intellectually aware that social media is but a curated highlight reel. FOMO capitalizes on these moments of vulnerability, exacerbating the feeling that everyone else is having a better time — probably because they're freely enjoying alcohol.
It's not only individual neurochemistry at play here; social pressures significantly bolster FOMO. In many cultures, alcohol consumption is not merely tolerated but celebrated. There are toasts for milestones, drinks for celebrations, and spirits to lighten spirits. To abstain or cut back can sometimes feel like swimming against a very persistent tide. It’s not just the fear of missing out on the drink but also the bonding, the shared laughter, and the communal experience that comes with it.
Strangely enough, being aware of FOMO doesn't necessarily make it easier to combat. Knowledge doesn't always translate into emotional immunity. However, awareness does offer a starting point for developing coping mechanisms. It allows for the space to dissect why the fear arises, what triggers it, and how it can be either sidestepped or confronted.
So, for those of us on the path to reducing alcohol intake or quitting altogether, be prepared: FOMO will try to make an uninvited comeback. But understanding its many faces — social, psychological, and neurological — can better equip us to fend off its insidious influence.
Let's face it, changing a deeply entrenched habit like alcohol consumption isn't just about willpower; it's also about reengineering social experiences. The temporary void that is left behind when we decide to change our drinking habits can be rather daunting. This is where intentionally curating new social activities can play a game-changing role. Here are some ways to reroute the course of social life that don't involve alcohol.
A common reason why FOMO surges during alcohol abstinence or reduction is that our social calendar may suddenly look depressingly empty. But who said fun and socializing can only happen over drinks? Organizing a game night with board games or video games can offer an equally exhilarating social experience. If the outdoors beckon, a nature hike or even a simple picnic can serve as a bonding activity that also benefits physical health. Movie outings, cooking parties, or even joining group classes — be it dance, pottery, or cooking — are great ways to socialize and learn something new. You can even join a community meeting our check out one of our science-backed courses on the Reframe app! By keeping our calendar brimming with alternative social plans, FOMO's grip loosens, and our mind gets increasingly preoccupied with new forms of enjoyment.
One powerful antidote to FOMO is JOMO, or the "joy of missing out." This is about relishing the present and appreciating the unique benefits that come from changing our drinking habits. Instead of looking at pictures of friends with cocktails and feeling left out, the focus shifts to the physical and psychological improvements we experience. Better sleep quality, improved liver function, increased energy levels, and clearer skin are just the tip of the iceberg. The psychological boosts can include enhanced focus, less anxiety, and a more robust emotional equilibrium. By consciously shifting focus to these gains, the so-called “losses” begin to pale in comparison.
Journeying alone on the path of alcohol reduction or sobriety can sometimes make the challenges appear insurmountable. This is why having an alcohol-free or alcohol-conscious buddy can make a world of difference. It could be a friend, a family member, or even a co-worker who shares the same goal. When there's another person invested in the same objective, it establishes a support system that's reciprocal. Sharing struggles, strategies, and small victories adds an accountability factor that can be incredibly motivating. Plus, the emotional support that comes from someone who understands the specific challenges makes the entire process less lonely and more attainable.
One of the toughest aspects of cutting back on alcohol or quitting altogether is the inevitable explanation that seems required when declining a drink. How about eliminating that awkwardness from the get-go? Honesty can be a fantastic tool in this journey. If it feels comfortable, letting friends or event hosts know about the decision to cut back or quit drinking can work wonders. This straightforward approach has multiple benefits. Firstly, it lifts the emotional burden and internal tension that comes from trying to dodge the issue. Secondly, it usually reduces peer pressure; most people respect a clearly stated personal choice. Lastly, it may even inspire others to be more mindful of their drinking habits. Transparency can turn an internal struggle into an external declaration of self-care.
Music is often referred to as the soul’s therapy for good reason. The emotional impact of a well-curated playlist can be as uplifting as any social drink. As part of this alcohol-free or alcohol-conscious journey, consider making a “No Drink” playlist filled with favorite songs that evoke happiness, nostalgia, or even empowerment. Turn on this playlist while getting ready to go out or even during a gathering at home. Let the music serve as both an emotional boost and a reminder of the ability to feel good — no alcohol necessary!
Social gatherings often pose the challenge of how to gracefully decline an offer to drink. Why not prepare for these moments in advance? Having a pre-practiced “script” or a set of polite, assertive responses can be incredibly helpful. It could be as simple as saying, “I’m focusing on my health right now, so I’m skipping the alcohol tonight.” No need for elaborate explanations; clarity trumps verbosity. The script doesn’t just make it easier to say no; it also reduces the stress and anxiety associated with such moments.
Humans are motivated by rewards. That’s basic psychology. So why not use this to our advantage? Setting achievable milestones — like completing a week or a month without alcohol — and rewarding ourselves upon reaching them can be highly motivating. These rewards can range from small indulgences like a spa day to more grand experiences like a weekend getaway. The key is to make the rewards appealing enough to act as a strong incentive to stick to the goal of changing our drinking habits.
While it may feel all-encompassing at the beginning of the journey to cut back on or quit alcohol, it's essential to remember that FOMO is not a life sentence. As the days turn into weeks and the weeks into months, something incredible begins to happen: new habits form, and the old ones, the ones that used to induce FOMO, start to fade away.
As the benefits of this new lifestyle accumulate, they serve as reinforcing loops. Imagine waking up fresh every morning, without the haze of last night's drinks clouding the mind. Visualize the physical changes, perhaps weight loss or clearer skin, that become noticeable and add a spring to every step. These tangible benefits have a way of pushing out the old worries and fears. The social scenarios that once seemed impossible without alcohol suddenly become manageable, even enjoyable.
So while the journey may begin with that single step, it certainly doesn't end there. It evolves into a trek of discovery, one where each milestone is a beacon illuminating the many rewards that lie ahead.
Is the green-eyed monster getting the best of you? Here are ten strategies to help you overcome jealousy and gain control of your emotions.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
Your partner has been spending a lot of time with a new coworker on a work project. This particular coworker is very intelligent and good looking, and you start worrying your partner might find them attractive. Pretty soon, these worries turn into bitterness and anger, and you start scrolling through social media for signs that your partner is cheating on you.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion that can be difficult to tame. It can quickly create a whirlwind of chaos, drive a wedge in relationships, and prevent us from living a happy, healthy life. If you’re wondering how to overcome jealousy, how to handle a jealous partner, or how to stop jealousy for interfering in your relationships, it’s time to dig deeper. In this post, we’ll explore what jealousy is and why it can be so problematic. We’ll also explore tips for managing jealousy in healthy, effective ways. Let’s get started!
We’ve all experienced that green-eyed monster, otherwise known as jealousy. We’ve likely been warned of its destructive nature or told something to the effect of “jealousy ruins relationships.” Maybe we’ve even told others, “Don’t be jealous!”
Jealousy is a complex emotion that usually arises when we’re worried about losing someone or something important to us. It’s different from envy, which involves wanting something that belongs to someone else. For instance, we might envy our friend’s brand new car, or envy a colleague’s career success.
But jealousy is often accompanied by feelings of resentment, anger, hostility, inadequacy, and bitterness. It typically stems from insecurity, low self-esteem, or a fundamental fear of unworthiness. It can also range in intensity. In severe cases, jealousy can lead to paranoia, distrust, abuse, or even physical violence.
Jealousy is most often associated with romantic relationships. For instance, feelings of jealousy might arise if our partner spends time hanging out or talking at length with someone who seems threatening to the relationship. Studies show that men tend to feel jealous over a third party’s dominance and are more concerned about sexual infidelity, whereas women tend to feel jealous of a third party’s attractiveness and are more concerned about emotional infidelity.
But jealousy can also show up in our professional environment, within friendships, families, and elsewhere. For instance, if a sibling accomplishes a major feat and receives a lot of attention for it, we might experience jealousy. Or when a coworker receives a promotion or reward that we thought we deserved, we might become jealous.
Tracking with studies about relationship jealousy, one study found that women are more prone than men to get jealous over their employers’ physical attractiveness. Men, on the other hand, are more prone to feel jealous over their employers’ physical dominance.
For as negative a reputation as it has, jealousy is actually a very natural emotion. In fact, research suggests that jealousy is not inherently bad: in small doses, it can serve as a reminder to cherish a close relationship. For instance, one study found that friendship jealousy — which arises when a person is threatened by their friend’s romantic relationship or new friend — can help protect and maintain friendships.
The main problem with jealousy isn’t that we feel it; the problem is what it does to us when we don’t know how to deal with it. When we don’t control our jealousy, it can overpower or shape the way we feel about ourselves and the world.
In other words, while it’s not an inherently bad emotion, unchecked jealousy can be problematic, preventing us from maintaining healthy relationships. It can even cause physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomach aches, chest pain, high blood pressure, weight gain or loss, insomnia, heart palpitations, and weakened immunity.
Pathological jealousy can be particularly dangerous. This type of jealousy is often irrational; it may result from an underlying mental health disorder, such as anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, or a mood disorder. Usually this type of jealousy requires professional treatment.
Now that we have a better understanding of what jealousy is and how it can become problematic, let’s look at how to handle jealousy effectively. Understanding where our jealousy comes from and learning to control it in healthy, adaptive ways improves many areas of our lives, from our relationships to our careers and personal goals.
So if you’re wondering how to combat jealousy effectively, here are 10 effective ways.
The most important step in learning how to handle jealousy is to acknowledge that you’re having jealous feelings. We can’t fix a problem unless we admit there’s a problem! When you notice jealousy creeping in, ask yourself what, exactly, you’re jealous about. But don’t judge yourself! Doing so will only increase jealousy’s power over you. Instead, recognize that you’re having jealous feelings and tell yourself it’s ok — because it is! Jealousy is a normal part of the human experience. There’s power in naming our emotions, even the uglier ones.
What lies at the root of our jealousy? One of the best ways to deal with jealousy is to recognize where it’s actually coming from. For instance, maybe you realize that your friend’s new relationship is causing jealousy because you haven’t had much luck dating, and you worry that you’ll never find the right person. Or maybe you realize that when your partner starts spending a lot of time with a new friend, you feel jealous because that was the first sign you noticed when a previous partner cheated. Whether our jealousy stems from insecurity, fear, or past relationship patterns, knowing more about the causes can help us confront it.
If someone’s actions trigger jealous feelings, it’s important to discuss this with them as soon as possible. Opening up about our jealousy can help the other person understand where we’re coming from, and they might decide to adjust their behaviors to help us feel more secure. Voicing our concerns opens communications that keep our relationship strong. Remember not to “attack” the other person with an accusatory tone. The goal is to calmly and rationally explain our feelings.
Jealousy can teach us about ourselves and our needs. Instead of thinking of jealousy as something “bad” that we should ignore or eliminate, consider it a source of information. For instance, jealousy can tell us there’s a difference between what we have and what we want. Try asking yourself what need isn’t being met, and how you can work to fulfill it. For instance, maybe you feel jealous of your best friend because they’re pursuing a career as an artist, while we’re afraid to take that step. This might be a sign to rethink your career path. Remaining curious about our emotions can lead us to greater insights and truths.
Jealousy often correlates with low self-esteem and can be caused by insecurity. It can also come from harsh inner criticism in the form of negative self-talk. Self-compassion and self-love can boost our self-esteem and counter feelings of jealousy. How do we do this? By reminding ourselves of our positive traits, strengths, and skills; speaking gently to ourselves as we would a friend; practicing daily affirmations; and making time to engage in the activities we enjoy.
We might also consider writing down all of the things we like about ourselves and our life, such as our relationships, job, or how much we’ve grown in the past few years. Whenever we’re feeling jealous, we can turn to this list to help us feel more confident and secure.
Mindfulness techniques help us pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judging or criticizing them. Increasing our awareness around jealousy can help us notice any patterns it follows, including our jealousy triggers. Mindfulness can also help us accept our jealousy as part of our human emotional experience and move on, rather than letting it consume us or turn into self-blame. (We can’t say this enough: don’t judge yourself!)
Counting our blessings can go a long way in reducing feelings of jealousy, in addition to boosting our mood and mental health. When we’re struggling with jealousy, it can be difficult to see the good things in our life. Try keeping a gratitude journal and listing 3 things you’re grateful for every day. These can be both big and small things, like the fact that we have a roof over our head, access to nutritious food, a partner who loves us, or a new pair of gloves. Appreciating small things can help us realize that we have a lot to be grateful for, diminishing our jealousy of others.
It’s important not to avoid making rash decisions when feeling jealous. Choices made and words spoken during a heightened emotional state can have long-lasting negative consequences. Sometimes, it’s helpful to take a break from our feelings, gain some perspective, and self-soothe. We can do this by journaling, meditating, or exercising. Physically moving our body or “walking it off” can have a calming effect and bring a renewed perspective.
A trusted friend can give us a healthy outlet to vent our frustrations. Keeping things in, suppressing them, or trying to deal with them on our own is usually ineffective. Ask to sit down with a loved one to tell them that you're struggling. Be open and honest. Simply voicing concerns out loud can provide a sense of relief and help us gain some perspective.
Sometimes, it helps to talk things out with a licensed counselor or therapist. There’s nothing wrong with this! A trained provider can help us uncover the root cause of our jealousy and offer strategies to help us overcome it. Jealousy usually sends us a message about the unhealed parts of ourselves, and a therapist can help guide us through the process of inner healing.
Sometimes, jealousy is rooted in events that happened in our early childhood. For instance, if we constantly struggle with self-worth and feel like everyone is going to leave us, we might have an insecure attachment style. Therapy can help us become more confident to prevent this from becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We should probably consider therapy if our jealousy leads to obsessive, fixated or uncontrollable thoughts, compulsive behaviors, violent thoughts or urges, or prevents us from functioning normally day-to-day.
Jealousy is a normal human emotion; we all experience it from time to time. The problem arises when our jealousy overpowers us and prevents us from maintaining healthy relationships. This is why knowing how to handle our jealousy can make a world of difference. The most important thing we can do is acknowledge whenever we’re having jealous feelings. Ignoring, suppressing, or denying jealousy only makes it worse.
If you’re using alcohol as a way to deal with jealousy, consider trying Reframe. We’re a neuroscience-backed app that has helped millions of people reduce their alcohol consumption, develop healthier lifestyle habits, and enhance their well-being.
Your partner has been spending a lot of time with a new coworker on a work project. This particular coworker is very intelligent and good looking, and you start worrying your partner might find them attractive. Pretty soon, these worries turn into bitterness and anger, and you start scrolling through social media for signs that your partner is cheating on you.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion that can be difficult to tame. It can quickly create a whirlwind of chaos, drive a wedge in relationships, and prevent us from living a happy, healthy life. If you’re wondering how to overcome jealousy, how to handle a jealous partner, or how to stop jealousy for interfering in your relationships, it’s time to dig deeper. In this post, we’ll explore what jealousy is and why it can be so problematic. We’ll also explore tips for managing jealousy in healthy, effective ways. Let’s get started!
We’ve all experienced that green-eyed monster, otherwise known as jealousy. We’ve likely been warned of its destructive nature or told something to the effect of “jealousy ruins relationships.” Maybe we’ve even told others, “Don’t be jealous!”
Jealousy is a complex emotion that usually arises when we’re worried about losing someone or something important to us. It’s different from envy, which involves wanting something that belongs to someone else. For instance, we might envy our friend’s brand new car, or envy a colleague’s career success.
But jealousy is often accompanied by feelings of resentment, anger, hostility, inadequacy, and bitterness. It typically stems from insecurity, low self-esteem, or a fundamental fear of unworthiness. It can also range in intensity. In severe cases, jealousy can lead to paranoia, distrust, abuse, or even physical violence.
Jealousy is most often associated with romantic relationships. For instance, feelings of jealousy might arise if our partner spends time hanging out or talking at length with someone who seems threatening to the relationship. Studies show that men tend to feel jealous over a third party’s dominance and are more concerned about sexual infidelity, whereas women tend to feel jealous of a third party’s attractiveness and are more concerned about emotional infidelity.
But jealousy can also show up in our professional environment, within friendships, families, and elsewhere. For instance, if a sibling accomplishes a major feat and receives a lot of attention for it, we might experience jealousy. Or when a coworker receives a promotion or reward that we thought we deserved, we might become jealous.
Tracking with studies about relationship jealousy, one study found that women are more prone than men to get jealous over their employers’ physical attractiveness. Men, on the other hand, are more prone to feel jealous over their employers’ physical dominance.
For as negative a reputation as it has, jealousy is actually a very natural emotion. In fact, research suggests that jealousy is not inherently bad: in small doses, it can serve as a reminder to cherish a close relationship. For instance, one study found that friendship jealousy — which arises when a person is threatened by their friend’s romantic relationship or new friend — can help protect and maintain friendships.
The main problem with jealousy isn’t that we feel it; the problem is what it does to us when we don’t know how to deal with it. When we don’t control our jealousy, it can overpower or shape the way we feel about ourselves and the world.
In other words, while it’s not an inherently bad emotion, unchecked jealousy can be problematic, preventing us from maintaining healthy relationships. It can even cause physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomach aches, chest pain, high blood pressure, weight gain or loss, insomnia, heart palpitations, and weakened immunity.
Pathological jealousy can be particularly dangerous. This type of jealousy is often irrational; it may result from an underlying mental health disorder, such as anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, or a mood disorder. Usually this type of jealousy requires professional treatment.
Now that we have a better understanding of what jealousy is and how it can become problematic, let’s look at how to handle jealousy effectively. Understanding where our jealousy comes from and learning to control it in healthy, adaptive ways improves many areas of our lives, from our relationships to our careers and personal goals.
So if you’re wondering how to combat jealousy effectively, here are 10 effective ways.
The most important step in learning how to handle jealousy is to acknowledge that you’re having jealous feelings. We can’t fix a problem unless we admit there’s a problem! When you notice jealousy creeping in, ask yourself what, exactly, you’re jealous about. But don’t judge yourself! Doing so will only increase jealousy’s power over you. Instead, recognize that you’re having jealous feelings and tell yourself it’s ok — because it is! Jealousy is a normal part of the human experience. There’s power in naming our emotions, even the uglier ones.
What lies at the root of our jealousy? One of the best ways to deal with jealousy is to recognize where it’s actually coming from. For instance, maybe you realize that your friend’s new relationship is causing jealousy because you haven’t had much luck dating, and you worry that you’ll never find the right person. Or maybe you realize that when your partner starts spending a lot of time with a new friend, you feel jealous because that was the first sign you noticed when a previous partner cheated. Whether our jealousy stems from insecurity, fear, or past relationship patterns, knowing more about the causes can help us confront it.
If someone’s actions trigger jealous feelings, it’s important to discuss this with them as soon as possible. Opening up about our jealousy can help the other person understand where we’re coming from, and they might decide to adjust their behaviors to help us feel more secure. Voicing our concerns opens communications that keep our relationship strong. Remember not to “attack” the other person with an accusatory tone. The goal is to calmly and rationally explain our feelings.
Jealousy can teach us about ourselves and our needs. Instead of thinking of jealousy as something “bad” that we should ignore or eliminate, consider it a source of information. For instance, jealousy can tell us there’s a difference between what we have and what we want. Try asking yourself what need isn’t being met, and how you can work to fulfill it. For instance, maybe you feel jealous of your best friend because they’re pursuing a career as an artist, while we’re afraid to take that step. This might be a sign to rethink your career path. Remaining curious about our emotions can lead us to greater insights and truths.
Jealousy often correlates with low self-esteem and can be caused by insecurity. It can also come from harsh inner criticism in the form of negative self-talk. Self-compassion and self-love can boost our self-esteem and counter feelings of jealousy. How do we do this? By reminding ourselves of our positive traits, strengths, and skills; speaking gently to ourselves as we would a friend; practicing daily affirmations; and making time to engage in the activities we enjoy.
We might also consider writing down all of the things we like about ourselves and our life, such as our relationships, job, or how much we’ve grown in the past few years. Whenever we’re feeling jealous, we can turn to this list to help us feel more confident and secure.
Mindfulness techniques help us pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judging or criticizing them. Increasing our awareness around jealousy can help us notice any patterns it follows, including our jealousy triggers. Mindfulness can also help us accept our jealousy as part of our human emotional experience and move on, rather than letting it consume us or turn into self-blame. (We can’t say this enough: don’t judge yourself!)
Counting our blessings can go a long way in reducing feelings of jealousy, in addition to boosting our mood and mental health. When we’re struggling with jealousy, it can be difficult to see the good things in our life. Try keeping a gratitude journal and listing 3 things you’re grateful for every day. These can be both big and small things, like the fact that we have a roof over our head, access to nutritious food, a partner who loves us, or a new pair of gloves. Appreciating small things can help us realize that we have a lot to be grateful for, diminishing our jealousy of others.
It’s important not to avoid making rash decisions when feeling jealous. Choices made and words spoken during a heightened emotional state can have long-lasting negative consequences. Sometimes, it’s helpful to take a break from our feelings, gain some perspective, and self-soothe. We can do this by journaling, meditating, or exercising. Physically moving our body or “walking it off” can have a calming effect and bring a renewed perspective.
A trusted friend can give us a healthy outlet to vent our frustrations. Keeping things in, suppressing them, or trying to deal with them on our own is usually ineffective. Ask to sit down with a loved one to tell them that you're struggling. Be open and honest. Simply voicing concerns out loud can provide a sense of relief and help us gain some perspective.
Sometimes, it helps to talk things out with a licensed counselor or therapist. There’s nothing wrong with this! A trained provider can help us uncover the root cause of our jealousy and offer strategies to help us overcome it. Jealousy usually sends us a message about the unhealed parts of ourselves, and a therapist can help guide us through the process of inner healing.
Sometimes, jealousy is rooted in events that happened in our early childhood. For instance, if we constantly struggle with self-worth and feel like everyone is going to leave us, we might have an insecure attachment style. Therapy can help us become more confident to prevent this from becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We should probably consider therapy if our jealousy leads to obsessive, fixated or uncontrollable thoughts, compulsive behaviors, violent thoughts or urges, or prevents us from functioning normally day-to-day.
Jealousy is a normal human emotion; we all experience it from time to time. The problem arises when our jealousy overpowers us and prevents us from maintaining healthy relationships. This is why knowing how to handle our jealousy can make a world of difference. The most important thing we can do is acknowledge whenever we’re having jealous feelings. Ignoring, suppressing, or denying jealousy only makes it worse.
If you’re using alcohol as a way to deal with jealousy, consider trying Reframe. We’re a neuroscience-backed app that has helped millions of people reduce their alcohol consumption, develop healthier lifestyle habits, and enhance their well-being.
Learn what eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is, how it works, and how it can help us heal from trauma or painful life experiences.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
On the surface of things, you seem to have it all together. You go about your days fairly well — going to work, socializing with friends, and fulfilling your adult responsibilities. Underneath, however, you feel a heaviness, a deep seated pain that weighs you down. You keep trying to push it away, maybe even attempting to numb it with alcohol, but nothing seems to offer any relief. You’ve even noticed tension throughout your body that just never seems to go away. Could you be suffering from unhealed trauma?
A treatment known as eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy can help us heal from trauma or painful life experiences. What is EMDR therapy? We’ll also explore who can most benefit from it, and what to expect if we decide to try it. Let’s get started!
EMDR therapy is a relatively new psychotherapy or mental health technique that can help us heal from trauma and relieve psychological stress. It was initially developed in the late 1980s by psychologist Francine Shapiro, who randomly discovered that eye movements appeared to decrease the negative emotion associated with her own distressing memories.
Shapiro eventually developed a protocol that could be duplicated and studied, which is now known as EMDR therapy. It was first used to treat people suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but it’s now used to treat a variety of mental health conditions, such as alcohol and drug misuse, anxiety, chronic pain, depression, eating disorders, panic attacks, and phobias.
The goal of EMDR is to reduce symptoms of trauma or other distressing life experiences by changing how our memories are stored in our brain. According to the theory behind this method, traumatic and painful memories can cause PTSD when we don’t fully process them, or when we process them effectively. When we experience certain sights, sounds, words, or smells that trigger unprocessed memories, we re-experience them, triggering the emotional distress and other symptoms associated with PTSD.
With EMDR therapy, a trained professional typically leads us through a series of rhythmic left-right (side-to-side) eye movements as we recall traumatic or triggering experiences in small segments. These bilateral eye movements, along with focusing on the traumatic memory, are thought to reduce the memory’s emotional impact. As a result, we begin to heal from the fear or pain associated with trauma.
Unlike other forms of therapy that focus on changing our emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, EMDR therapy focuses directly on the specific memory to change the way it’s stored in our brain.
So, who can benefit from EMDR? According to research, a lot of us! While the most widespread use of EMDR is for treating PTSD, mental healthcare providers have also used it to treat anxiety disorders, depression, eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and alcohol and drug misuse. In fact, since the discovery of EMDR, meaningful change has been achieved in many areas, making it one of the most recommended psychotherapeutic treatments of trauma.
As for its effectiveness, research has a lot to say on that, too. In fact, one review concluded that EMDR therapy was useful for relieving distress caused by trauma and that it may work more quickly and effectively than trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). In fact, research findings have led the American Psychological Association (APA) to recommend EMDR for the treatment of PTSD.
Here’s a closer look at what the research says about who can benefit from EMDR therapy:
So now that we know what EMDR therapy is and who it can benefit, let’s look at what we can expect if we try it. Keep in mind that EMDR can be used on its own or in conjunction with medications or other psychotherapy techniques, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).
EMDR therapy usually takes about 3 months of weekly sessions under the supervision of a trained EMDR therapy provider. Treatment typically involves eight phases that focus on the past, present, and future. Each phase is designed to help us work through emotional distress and learn coping skills to better handle future stress.
Let’s take a closer look at each of the 8 phases.
This first phase involves providing our therapist with a complete history and overview of our life. This includes discussing our early childhood, family of origin and upbringing, and significant trauma or negative life experiences which cause distress or pain. These can range from general unpleasant life events and hardship, such as humiliation, bullying, rejection, or divorce, to extreme trauma like sexual abuse or near-death experiences.
The main goal is to identify past experiences which have led us to have negative beliefs about ourselves or the world. Based on our history, our therapist will work with us to develop a treatment plan that targets specific memories or incidents. While painful memories and emotions can be difficult to discuss, this is an essential component of EMDR and contributes to the healing process.
In the preparation phase, our therapist prepares us for the EMDR process by walking us through what to expect. It’s not uncommon for unpleasant emotions or memories to arise from the EMDR process, but it’s important to remain present and allow the processing to take place. Our therapist equips us with tools to cope with distressing feelings, such as mindfulness, deep breathing, guided imagery, and progressive muscle relaxation.
During the assessment phase, the therapist works with us to select a targeted memory or event from phase one, along with images, beliefs, feelings, and sensations about the event. For instance, if you were persistently bullied as a child, you might be asked to recollect a vivid mental image related to that, a negative belief about yourself that resulted from that (i.e. “I’m not worthy”), and any related emotions and body sensations. We’re also asked to rate the memory on a scale of 1-10 of how distressing it is. Furthermore, the therapist helps us identify positive beliefs that we would like to have about ourselves going forward.
This is when the actual EMDR processing of the memory and negative beliefs actually occurs. While focusing on the targeted memory or event, our therapist leads us through multiple bilateral stimulation sets to stimulate our brain to process whatever trauma is currently in our mind. These sets may include eye movements, tactile taps, or auditory tones.
After each set, our therapist will instruct us to clear our mind and discuss any thoughts, feelings, images, or sensations that arose. We’ll also be asked to rescale the intensity of our experience of the memory on a scale from 1-10 after each set. Whatever negative sensations we’re still feeling will become the focus of the next set, and this process will continue until we reach a lower level of intensity — or until the target memory no longer causes distress.
In the installation phase, our therapist works with us to strengthen the positive beliefs we came up with in step 3. The goal is for these new, more adaptive and positive beliefs to replace the negative views that we formerly held as a result of the unprocessed memory. For instance, we might focus on beliefs such as “I am safe,” “I am loveable,” and “I am worthy.” While thinking of the target memory and positive belief, our therapist guides us through more simulation sets to help embed it in our psyche. This is what we might call the “letting go” phase, when we’re making peace with the original unpleasant incident and any negativity associated with it.
During this phase, the therapist encourages us to attentively scan our body and notice any lingering physical sensations related to the distressing memory or incident. Trauma tends to be physiologically stored in the body, often manifesting in various physical sensations, such as tension, numbness, tingling, heat rashes, etc. If we have any lingering physiological disturbances, our therapist will perform more stimulation sets until it's fully resolved.
Closure comes at the end of the EMDR session to help return us to a calm state whether the reprocessing is complete or not. As it can take several sessions just to fully process one memory, it’s important not to leave the session in a more distressed state. In these cases, our therapist will use a series of calming exercises — such as guided imagery or meditations — so we can peacefully re-enter our normal life. We’ll then return to processing the memory in the next session. Our therapist also might assign homework to help maintain progress between sessions. For instance, they might ask us to journal, practice relaxation techniques, or use imagery that allows us to picture what it would be like to gradually face our fears.
Every new EMDR therapy session begins with reevaluation, in which we discuss our current psychological state and whether we feel the treatment and techniques are working. Our therapist might ask if any targeted memories have arisen since the previous session, and help us determine if we need to work through other distressing experiences.
Keep in mind that if any negative emotions and views of self have returned or are still present in our memory of the incident, that’s usually a sign that more stimulation sets are needed. Our therapist will help guide us through the steps above to ensure that healthier, more adaptive beliefs become fully installed on a more permanent level.
If we decide to try EMDR, it’s important to keep a few things in mind. First and foremost, be sure to find a trained professional, as EMDR is a specialized therapy that requires specific training. Consider browsing the EMDR International Association’s website to find a qualified EMDR therapist. Also inquire about the therapist’s specific experience with EMDR, as not all EMDR therapists specialize in every mental health condition.
Furthermore, although EMDR is considered safe, it’s important to remember that thinking about traumatic events can be distressing, particularly as we start therapy. However, our therapist can work with us to find healthy ways to cope with our feelings.
Finally, EMDR is not a quick fix. While it can provide rapid relief, results often take multiple sessions. But sticking with it is worthwhile, as a sense of freedom comes from fully confronting and healing from trauma.
If you’re using alcohol to numb painful emotions and memories, consider trying Reframe. We’re a neuroscience-backed app that has helped millions of people reduce their alcohol consumption and experience emotional healing.
On the surface of things, you seem to have it all together. You go about your days fairly well — going to work, socializing with friends, and fulfilling your adult responsibilities. Underneath, however, you feel a heaviness, a deep seated pain that weighs you down. You keep trying to push it away, maybe even attempting to numb it with alcohol, but nothing seems to offer any relief. You’ve even noticed tension throughout your body that just never seems to go away. Could you be suffering from unhealed trauma?
A treatment known as eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy can help us heal from trauma or painful life experiences. What is EMDR therapy? We’ll also explore who can most benefit from it, and what to expect if we decide to try it. Let’s get started!
EMDR therapy is a relatively new psychotherapy or mental health technique that can help us heal from trauma and relieve psychological stress. It was initially developed in the late 1980s by psychologist Francine Shapiro, who randomly discovered that eye movements appeared to decrease the negative emotion associated with her own distressing memories.
Shapiro eventually developed a protocol that could be duplicated and studied, which is now known as EMDR therapy. It was first used to treat people suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but it’s now used to treat a variety of mental health conditions, such as alcohol and drug misuse, anxiety, chronic pain, depression, eating disorders, panic attacks, and phobias.
The goal of EMDR is to reduce symptoms of trauma or other distressing life experiences by changing how our memories are stored in our brain. According to the theory behind this method, traumatic and painful memories can cause PTSD when we don’t fully process them, or when we process them effectively. When we experience certain sights, sounds, words, or smells that trigger unprocessed memories, we re-experience them, triggering the emotional distress and other symptoms associated with PTSD.
With EMDR therapy, a trained professional typically leads us through a series of rhythmic left-right (side-to-side) eye movements as we recall traumatic or triggering experiences in small segments. These bilateral eye movements, along with focusing on the traumatic memory, are thought to reduce the memory’s emotional impact. As a result, we begin to heal from the fear or pain associated with trauma.
Unlike other forms of therapy that focus on changing our emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, EMDR therapy focuses directly on the specific memory to change the way it’s stored in our brain.
So, who can benefit from EMDR? According to research, a lot of us! While the most widespread use of EMDR is for treating PTSD, mental healthcare providers have also used it to treat anxiety disorders, depression, eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and alcohol and drug misuse. In fact, since the discovery of EMDR, meaningful change has been achieved in many areas, making it one of the most recommended psychotherapeutic treatments of trauma.
As for its effectiveness, research has a lot to say on that, too. In fact, one review concluded that EMDR therapy was useful for relieving distress caused by trauma and that it may work more quickly and effectively than trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). In fact, research findings have led the American Psychological Association (APA) to recommend EMDR for the treatment of PTSD.
Here’s a closer look at what the research says about who can benefit from EMDR therapy:
So now that we know what EMDR therapy is and who it can benefit, let’s look at what we can expect if we try it. Keep in mind that EMDR can be used on its own or in conjunction with medications or other psychotherapy techniques, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).
EMDR therapy usually takes about 3 months of weekly sessions under the supervision of a trained EMDR therapy provider. Treatment typically involves eight phases that focus on the past, present, and future. Each phase is designed to help us work through emotional distress and learn coping skills to better handle future stress.
Let’s take a closer look at each of the 8 phases.
This first phase involves providing our therapist with a complete history and overview of our life. This includes discussing our early childhood, family of origin and upbringing, and significant trauma or negative life experiences which cause distress or pain. These can range from general unpleasant life events and hardship, such as humiliation, bullying, rejection, or divorce, to extreme trauma like sexual abuse or near-death experiences.
The main goal is to identify past experiences which have led us to have negative beliefs about ourselves or the world. Based on our history, our therapist will work with us to develop a treatment plan that targets specific memories or incidents. While painful memories and emotions can be difficult to discuss, this is an essential component of EMDR and contributes to the healing process.
In the preparation phase, our therapist prepares us for the EMDR process by walking us through what to expect. It’s not uncommon for unpleasant emotions or memories to arise from the EMDR process, but it’s important to remain present and allow the processing to take place. Our therapist equips us with tools to cope with distressing feelings, such as mindfulness, deep breathing, guided imagery, and progressive muscle relaxation.
During the assessment phase, the therapist works with us to select a targeted memory or event from phase one, along with images, beliefs, feelings, and sensations about the event. For instance, if you were persistently bullied as a child, you might be asked to recollect a vivid mental image related to that, a negative belief about yourself that resulted from that (i.e. “I’m not worthy”), and any related emotions and body sensations. We’re also asked to rate the memory on a scale of 1-10 of how distressing it is. Furthermore, the therapist helps us identify positive beliefs that we would like to have about ourselves going forward.
This is when the actual EMDR processing of the memory and negative beliefs actually occurs. While focusing on the targeted memory or event, our therapist leads us through multiple bilateral stimulation sets to stimulate our brain to process whatever trauma is currently in our mind. These sets may include eye movements, tactile taps, or auditory tones.
After each set, our therapist will instruct us to clear our mind and discuss any thoughts, feelings, images, or sensations that arose. We’ll also be asked to rescale the intensity of our experience of the memory on a scale from 1-10 after each set. Whatever negative sensations we’re still feeling will become the focus of the next set, and this process will continue until we reach a lower level of intensity — or until the target memory no longer causes distress.
In the installation phase, our therapist works with us to strengthen the positive beliefs we came up with in step 3. The goal is for these new, more adaptive and positive beliefs to replace the negative views that we formerly held as a result of the unprocessed memory. For instance, we might focus on beliefs such as “I am safe,” “I am loveable,” and “I am worthy.” While thinking of the target memory and positive belief, our therapist guides us through more simulation sets to help embed it in our psyche. This is what we might call the “letting go” phase, when we’re making peace with the original unpleasant incident and any negativity associated with it.
During this phase, the therapist encourages us to attentively scan our body and notice any lingering physical sensations related to the distressing memory or incident. Trauma tends to be physiologically stored in the body, often manifesting in various physical sensations, such as tension, numbness, tingling, heat rashes, etc. If we have any lingering physiological disturbances, our therapist will perform more stimulation sets until it's fully resolved.
Closure comes at the end of the EMDR session to help return us to a calm state whether the reprocessing is complete or not. As it can take several sessions just to fully process one memory, it’s important not to leave the session in a more distressed state. In these cases, our therapist will use a series of calming exercises — such as guided imagery or meditations — so we can peacefully re-enter our normal life. We’ll then return to processing the memory in the next session. Our therapist also might assign homework to help maintain progress between sessions. For instance, they might ask us to journal, practice relaxation techniques, or use imagery that allows us to picture what it would be like to gradually face our fears.
Every new EMDR therapy session begins with reevaluation, in which we discuss our current psychological state and whether we feel the treatment and techniques are working. Our therapist might ask if any targeted memories have arisen since the previous session, and help us determine if we need to work through other distressing experiences.
Keep in mind that if any negative emotions and views of self have returned or are still present in our memory of the incident, that’s usually a sign that more stimulation sets are needed. Our therapist will help guide us through the steps above to ensure that healthier, more adaptive beliefs become fully installed on a more permanent level.
If we decide to try EMDR, it’s important to keep a few things in mind. First and foremost, be sure to find a trained professional, as EMDR is a specialized therapy that requires specific training. Consider browsing the EMDR International Association’s website to find a qualified EMDR therapist. Also inquire about the therapist’s specific experience with EMDR, as not all EMDR therapists specialize in every mental health condition.
Furthermore, although EMDR is considered safe, it’s important to remember that thinking about traumatic events can be distressing, particularly as we start therapy. However, our therapist can work with us to find healthy ways to cope with our feelings.
Finally, EMDR is not a quick fix. While it can provide rapid relief, results often take multiple sessions. But sticking with it is worthwhile, as a sense of freedom comes from fully confronting and healing from trauma.
If you’re using alcohol to numb painful emotions and memories, consider trying Reframe. We’re a neuroscience-backed app that has helped millions of people reduce their alcohol consumption and experience emotional healing.
Unlock the secrets of your brain with our latest blog on classical conditioning! Learn how this fascinating science shapes your daily behaviors, choices, and even your relationship with alcohol. Ready to rewrite old habits and master your mind?
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
Ever wondered how our minds form associations between certain events? Why do we flinch when we see someone about to sneeze, or why do we feel a sudden rush of excitement when our phone dings with a new notification? Classical conditioning — a fundamental principle that drives many of our reactions and behaviors — holds the answers.
Classical conditioning, also known as Pavlovian or respondent conditioning, is a learning process through which a neutral stimulus becomes associated with one that is more significant. Over time, the brain links the two together, helping us adapt to our environment by streamlining our reactions to it.
What’s a good classical conditioning example? We’ve all heard of Pavlov’s dogs — the trusty four-legged study subjects that famously salivated at the sound of a bell that the Russian scientist used to build an association with forthcoming food. But there’s a lot more to classical conditioning — and neuroscience research in the decades that followed the initial experiments filled in a lot of the missing pieces. Let’s find out more and learn how the ideas behind classical conditioning can help us develop healthier habits and make our journeys to cut back on or quit alcohol smoother.
Let’s hop in our mental time machine and travel back to see where this fascinating concept of classical conditioning originated and look at what’s arguably the most famous classical conditioning example.
While the observable behaviors in classical conditioning are intriguing, the underlying neuroscience is equally (if not more) captivating. Let’s delve into what’s happening inside our brain when we’re being classically conditioned.
At its core, classical conditioning involves the formation and strengthening of synaptic connections between neurons. When two stimuli are paired together repeatedly, the neural pathways representing those stimuli undergo changes, making the connection more robust. This process is often summarized by the catchy phrase, “neurons that fire together, wire together.”
While the amygdala is a central player, other regions also pitch in:
Through a mix of strengthened neural connections, neurotransmitter releases, and the involvement of various brain regions, classical conditioning showcases the brain’s adaptability and the profound ways our experiences shape its structure and function. It's neuroplasticity in action!
Our brains are constantly making associations, whether we’re aware of it or not. Classical conditioning plays a role in our everyday lives. It affects our food preferences, fears, and even emotional responses. Ever heard a song on the radio that instantly transports you back to a summer vacation or a significant event? That’s the power of classical conditioning in action!
For many, alcohol holds a distinct place in social rituals, celebrations, and relaxation. But how does classical conditioning fit into our relationship with this beverage, especially when considering cutting back or quitting? Let's explore.
Here's how understanding classical conditioning can help:
Navigating the path of reducing or quitNavigating the path of reducing or quitting alcohol is uniquely challenging due to the numerous conditioned associations we've built over time. But with knowledge, intention, and support, it's entirely possible to rewrite these associations and embark on a healthier alcohol journey.ting alcohol is uniquely challenging due to the numerous conditioned associations we've built over time. But with knowledge, intention, and support, it's entirely possible to rewrite these associations and embark on a healthier alcohol journey.
Here are some additional tips to use classical conditioning to improve your life and achieve your goals:
Classical conditioning is more than just a fancy psychological term. It's a window into understanding how our brains work and how our experiences shape our reactions. By embracing its principles and taking actionable steps, we can not only gain insights into our behaviors but also mold them in ways that serve us best. So, the next time you feel a certain way because of a familiar scent or sound, give a nod to Mr. Pavlov and his dogs, and marvel at the wonders of your brain!
Understanding the intricacies of classical conditioning isn't just a fascinating exploration into the realms of psychology and neuroscience — it’s a tool that can guide us toward mastery over our choices and behaviors. Imagine the possibilities, the transformative changes you can usher into your life armed with this knowledge! Whether it's reshaping your relationship with alcohol, creating healthier habits, or simply understanding yourself better, the world of classical conditioning offers a world of potential. Let's embrace the incredible potential that lies within each one of us!
Ever wondered how our minds form associations between certain events? Why do we flinch when we see someone about to sneeze, or why do we feel a sudden rush of excitement when our phone dings with a new notification? Classical conditioning — a fundamental principle that drives many of our reactions and behaviors — holds the answers.
Classical conditioning, also known as Pavlovian or respondent conditioning, is a learning process through which a neutral stimulus becomes associated with one that is more significant. Over time, the brain links the two together, helping us adapt to our environment by streamlining our reactions to it.
What’s a good classical conditioning example? We’ve all heard of Pavlov’s dogs — the trusty four-legged study subjects that famously salivated at the sound of a bell that the Russian scientist used to build an association with forthcoming food. But there’s a lot more to classical conditioning — and neuroscience research in the decades that followed the initial experiments filled in a lot of the missing pieces. Let’s find out more and learn how the ideas behind classical conditioning can help us develop healthier habits and make our journeys to cut back on or quit alcohol smoother.
Let’s hop in our mental time machine and travel back to see where this fascinating concept of classical conditioning originated and look at what’s arguably the most famous classical conditioning example.
While the observable behaviors in classical conditioning are intriguing, the underlying neuroscience is equally (if not more) captivating. Let’s delve into what’s happening inside our brain when we’re being classically conditioned.
At its core, classical conditioning involves the formation and strengthening of synaptic connections between neurons. When two stimuli are paired together repeatedly, the neural pathways representing those stimuli undergo changes, making the connection more robust. This process is often summarized by the catchy phrase, “neurons that fire together, wire together.”
While the amygdala is a central player, other regions also pitch in:
Through a mix of strengthened neural connections, neurotransmitter releases, and the involvement of various brain regions, classical conditioning showcases the brain’s adaptability and the profound ways our experiences shape its structure and function. It's neuroplasticity in action!
Our brains are constantly making associations, whether we’re aware of it or not. Classical conditioning plays a role in our everyday lives. It affects our food preferences, fears, and even emotional responses. Ever heard a song on the radio that instantly transports you back to a summer vacation or a significant event? That’s the power of classical conditioning in action!
For many, alcohol holds a distinct place in social rituals, celebrations, and relaxation. But how does classical conditioning fit into our relationship with this beverage, especially when considering cutting back or quitting? Let's explore.
Here's how understanding classical conditioning can help:
Navigating the path of reducing or quitNavigating the path of reducing or quitting alcohol is uniquely challenging due to the numerous conditioned associations we've built over time. But with knowledge, intention, and support, it's entirely possible to rewrite these associations and embark on a healthier alcohol journey.ting alcohol is uniquely challenging due to the numerous conditioned associations we've built over time. But with knowledge, intention, and support, it's entirely possible to rewrite these associations and embark on a healthier alcohol journey.
Here are some additional tips to use classical conditioning to improve your life and achieve your goals:
Classical conditioning is more than just a fancy psychological term. It's a window into understanding how our brains work and how our experiences shape our reactions. By embracing its principles and taking actionable steps, we can not only gain insights into our behaviors but also mold them in ways that serve us best. So, the next time you feel a certain way because of a familiar scent or sound, give a nod to Mr. Pavlov and his dogs, and marvel at the wonders of your brain!
Understanding the intricacies of classical conditioning isn't just a fascinating exploration into the realms of psychology and neuroscience — it’s a tool that can guide us toward mastery over our choices and behaviors. Imagine the possibilities, the transformative changes you can usher into your life armed with this knowledge! Whether it's reshaping your relationship with alcohol, creating healthier habits, or simply understanding yourself better, the world of classical conditioning offers a world of potential. Let's embrace the incredible potential that lies within each one of us!
Holding onto hurt and resentment doesn’t harm the other person; it only harms us. Here are some tips for cultivating a forgiving mindset and practicing forgiveness.
Although it isn’t a treatment for alcohol use disorder (AUD), the Reframe app can help you cut back on drinking gradually, with the science-backed knowledge to empower you 100% of the way. Our proven program has helped millions of people around the world drink less and live more. And we want to help you get there, too!
The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge.
You’ll meet millions of fellow Reframers in our 24/7 Forum chat and daily Zoom check-in meetings. Receive encouragement from people worldwide who know exactly what you’re going through! You’ll also have the opportunity to connect with our licensed Reframe coaches for more personalized guidance.
Plus, we’re always introducing new features to optimize your in-app experience. We recently launched our in-app chatbot, Melody, powered by the world’s most powerful AI technology. Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol.
And that’s not all! Every month, we launch fun challenges, like Dry/Damp January, Mental Health May, and Outdoorsy June. You won’t want to miss out on the chance to participate alongside fellow Reframers (or solo if that’s more your thing!).
The Reframe app is free for 7 days, so you don’t have anything to lose by trying it. Are you ready to feel empowered and discover life beyond alcohol? Then download our app through the App Store or Google Play today!
You just can’t seem to move past it. You play it over and over in your mind: the words they said, the things they did, the pain they inflicted. And the more you think about it, the more enraged you become. You think to yourself, “There’s just no way I can forgive them. They’ve gone too far!”
Many of us struggle with forgiveness. We’ve all been hurt in one way or the other by the actions or words of another. But by holding onto that hurt, we actually end up hurting ourselves more.
In this post, we’ll explore the importance of forgiveness, and how forgiving others is beneficial for our physical, mental, and emotional health. We’ll also look at practical steps we can take to practice forgiveness. Let’s get started!
Contrary to what most people think, forgiveness is more about healing ourselves than another person. It’s a way to let go of grudges, hurt and bitterness so that we can live healthy, happy lives. After all, holding onto resentment doesn’t harm the other person, it only harms us.
Part of the trouble with forgiveness is that people think that they have to feel a certain way to forgive someone. But forgiveness is a choice — it’s a decision we can make regardless of our feelings and emotions. It’s very much an active process in which we consciously decide to let go of negative feelings, whether or not the person who hurt us “deserves” it.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we forget or excuse the harm that was done to us. It also doesn’t always mean that we make up with the person who caused us pain. Instead, it means that we choose to free ourselves from the pain the other person caused us. Doing so brings a certain kind of peace that allows us to focus on ourselves and move forward with our life.
As the author Lewis B. Smedes once wrote, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
Holding a grudge against someone who did us wrong can feel good. There’s often a feeling of strength and righteousness in remaining angry and not forgiving the person, especially if they’ve never apologized or acknowledged their wrongdoing in any way.
But when we hold a grudge and struggle to forgive, we actually do ourselves a disservice. There’s a reason for the saying, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." It’s true.
In fact, people who struggle with forgiveness tend to bring anger and bitterness into new relationships and experiences. They also tend to become depressed, irritable and anxious, becoming so wrapped up in the wrong that they can’t enjoy the present.
Chronic anger puts us into a fight-or-flight mode, which creates numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes can lead to worsening physical health, such as heart disease and diabetes.
On the other hand, research shows that forgiveness lowers stress levels, improving physical health and increasing peace of mind. Among the documented benefits of forgiveness are healthier relationships, less anxiety and stress, fewer symptoms of depression, lower blood pressure, a stronger immune system, improved heart health, and improved self-esteem.
One study explored the relationship among stress, forgiveness, and well-being. Researchers expected that people with greater lifetime stress would have greater mental health difficulties. However, one subset of people with greater lifetime stress had no correlating mental health issues: people who exhibited greater levels of forgiveness. Surprisingly, their higher level of forgiveness seemed to completely negate their lifetime of high stress. Forgiveness made all the difference.
Here’s a closer look at some of the benefits of forgiveness:
Peace: Forgiveness can bring us peace by helping to heal deep wounds and release us from negative emotions and stress. When we forgive someone, it might feel like we’re doing it for their benefit, but we’re really doing it to help ourselves. Forgiveness allows us to invite peace into our heart, and shed unhelpful feelings of distress.
Power: Forgiveness allows us to reclaim our power. Sometimes hurtful events or trauma can cause patterns of self-destruction. When someone has wronged us, we might feel that there’s nothing we can do about it. This creates a “victim mentality” that leaves us powerless. When we choose forgiveness, we retake control of our life and give ourselves permission to move on.
Connection: Forgiveness can help improve connections with other people. Resentment and anger toward someone affect our relationship with that person, of course, but those feelings seep into our other relationships too. We might have a short temper or have difficulty trusting people. Forgiveness frees us to become more loving and compassionate in all our relationships.
Positivity: Forgiveness can help us ruminate less, which improves our psychological health. The act of not forgiving is typically characterized by rumination, in which we mentally replay events over and over. These repetitive thoughts can eventually lead to anxiety and depression, or psychosomatic disorders in which stress and anxiety cause physical ailments like stomach pain or migraines. When we forgive, we free up space in our mind to think positive, healthier thoughts.
Ok, forgiveness is important — so how does it work? First and foremost, we have to choose to forgive, recognizing that it’s something that we can do to help ourselves move forward and heal.
Forgiveness expert Dr. Robert D. Enright outlined 4 phases of the journey to forgiving a specific person:
So what about practical tips for forgiving others — what does that look like? If we’re not used to forgiving others, it can be challenging. But, as with most anything else, it gets easier with practice.
We can start by learning to become what Dr. Robert Enright calls “forgivingly fit.” Just as we would start slowly with a new physical exercise routine, it helps if we build up our forgiving heart “muscles” slowly, incorporating regular “workouts” into our everyday life. Here are 7 tips:
Keep in mind that forgiveness is a process. It may not be easy at first, but as we strengthen our forgiveness muscles, it will start to come more naturally.
Forgiveness is a choice we make to free us from the burden of having to carry something that only causes us more pain. Holding onto grudges doesn’t hurt the other person — it only hurts us. Even if we don’t feel like forgiving another person, we can make the choice to do so, knowing that it is beneficial for our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Practicing compassion and empathy are crucial to the forgiveness process once we process our emotions and make the decision to forgive.
If you’re using alcohol as a coping mechanism for painful emotions, consider trying Reframe. We’re a neuroscience-backed app that has helped millions of people reduce their alcohol consumption and experience emotional healing.
You just can’t seem to move past it. You play it over and over in your mind: the words they said, the things they did, the pain they inflicted. And the more you think about it, the more enraged you become. You think to yourself, “There’s just no way I can forgive them. They’ve gone too far!”
Many of us struggle with forgiveness. We’ve all been hurt in one way or the other by the actions or words of another. But by holding onto that hurt, we actually end up hurting ourselves more.
In this post, we’ll explore the importance of forgiveness, and how forgiving others is beneficial for our physical, mental, and emotional health. We’ll also look at practical steps we can take to practice forgiveness. Let’s get started!
Contrary to what most people think, forgiveness is more about healing ourselves than another person. It’s a way to let go of grudges, hurt and bitterness so that we can live healthy, happy lives. After all, holding onto resentment doesn’t harm the other person, it only harms us.
Part of the trouble with forgiveness is that people think that they have to feel a certain way to forgive someone. But forgiveness is a choice — it’s a decision we can make regardless of our feelings and emotions. It’s very much an active process in which we consciously decide to let go of negative feelings, whether or not the person who hurt us “deserves” it.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we forget or excuse the harm that was done to us. It also doesn’t always mean that we make up with the person who caused us pain. Instead, it means that we choose to free ourselves from the pain the other person caused us. Doing so brings a certain kind of peace that allows us to focus on ourselves and move forward with our life.
As the author Lewis B. Smedes once wrote, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
Holding a grudge against someone who did us wrong can feel good. There’s often a feeling of strength and righteousness in remaining angry and not forgiving the person, especially if they’ve never apologized or acknowledged their wrongdoing in any way.
But when we hold a grudge and struggle to forgive, we actually do ourselves a disservice. There’s a reason for the saying, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." It’s true.
In fact, people who struggle with forgiveness tend to bring anger and bitterness into new relationships and experiences. They also tend to become depressed, irritable and anxious, becoming so wrapped up in the wrong that they can’t enjoy the present.
Chronic anger puts us into a fight-or-flight mode, which creates numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes can lead to worsening physical health, such as heart disease and diabetes.
On the other hand, research shows that forgiveness lowers stress levels, improving physical health and increasing peace of mind. Among the documented benefits of forgiveness are healthier relationships, less anxiety and stress, fewer symptoms of depression, lower blood pressure, a stronger immune system, improved heart health, and improved self-esteem.
One study explored the relationship among stress, forgiveness, and well-being. Researchers expected that people with greater lifetime stress would have greater mental health difficulties. However, one subset of people with greater lifetime stress had no correlating mental health issues: people who exhibited greater levels of forgiveness. Surprisingly, their higher level of forgiveness seemed to completely negate their lifetime of high stress. Forgiveness made all the difference.
Here’s a closer look at some of the benefits of forgiveness:
Peace: Forgiveness can bring us peace by helping to heal deep wounds and release us from negative emotions and stress. When we forgive someone, it might feel like we’re doing it for their benefit, but we’re really doing it to help ourselves. Forgiveness allows us to invite peace into our heart, and shed unhelpful feelings of distress.
Power: Forgiveness allows us to reclaim our power. Sometimes hurtful events or trauma can cause patterns of self-destruction. When someone has wronged us, we might feel that there’s nothing we can do about it. This creates a “victim mentality” that leaves us powerless. When we choose forgiveness, we retake control of our life and give ourselves permission to move on.
Connection: Forgiveness can help improve connections with other people. Resentment and anger toward someone affect our relationship with that person, of course, but those feelings seep into our other relationships too. We might have a short temper or have difficulty trusting people. Forgiveness frees us to become more loving and compassionate in all our relationships.
Positivity: Forgiveness can help us ruminate less, which improves our psychological health. The act of not forgiving is typically characterized by rumination, in which we mentally replay events over and over. These repetitive thoughts can eventually lead to anxiety and depression, or psychosomatic disorders in which stress and anxiety cause physical ailments like stomach pain or migraines. When we forgive, we free up space in our mind to think positive, healthier thoughts.
Ok, forgiveness is important — so how does it work? First and foremost, we have to choose to forgive, recognizing that it’s something that we can do to help ourselves move forward and heal.
Forgiveness expert Dr. Robert D. Enright outlined 4 phases of the journey to forgiving a specific person:
So what about practical tips for forgiving others — what does that look like? If we’re not used to forgiving others, it can be challenging. But, as with most anything else, it gets easier with practice.
We can start by learning to become what Dr. Robert Enright calls “forgivingly fit.” Just as we would start slowly with a new physical exercise routine, it helps if we build up our forgiving heart “muscles” slowly, incorporating regular “workouts” into our everyday life. Here are 7 tips:
Keep in mind that forgiveness is a process. It may not be easy at first, but as we strengthen our forgiveness muscles, it will start to come more naturally.
Forgiveness is a choice we make to free us from the burden of having to carry something that only causes us more pain. Holding onto grudges doesn’t hurt the other person — it only hurts us. Even if we don’t feel like forgiving another person, we can make the choice to do so, knowing that it is beneficial for our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Practicing compassion and empathy are crucial to the forgiveness process once we process our emotions and make the decision to forgive.
If you’re using alcohol as a coping mechanism for painful emotions, consider trying Reframe. We’re a neuroscience-backed app that has helped millions of people reduce their alcohol consumption and experience emotional healing.
