Episode #9 - Systems and Goals

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Kevin: welcome everyone to another episode of the Reframeable Podcast, a podcast that brings you people's stories and ideas about how we can work to reframe our relationship, not just with alcohol, but with stress, anxiety, relationships, enjoyment, and so much more. Because changing our relationship with alcohol is about so much more than changing the contents of our glass.

This podcast is brought to you by the Reframe app. Reframe is the number one iOS app to help you cut back or quit drinking alcohol. It uses neuroscience to reframe your relationship with alcohol and unlock the healthiest, happiest you.

My name is Kevin Bellack. I'm a certified professional recovery coach and the head of coaching at the Reframe app.

So in today's episode, I wanted to pick up a little bit where we left off in our last 15 minute reframe in episode number seven, where we talked about the habit loop. I I want to shift a bit now with that and this time talk about the systems [00:01:00] and routines in our lives.

These are the things that we do day in and day out that help us succeed or not. Too often in our culture, we are too goal-oriented with less focus on what actually goes into achieving a goal. We look to see what project needs to get done at work, at our house with our family or our health. We try and break these down into things that we can easily understand.

When is it the deadline to complete this at work? How much weight do I need to lose? Do I need to quit drinking altogether, or do I need to cut back to a certain amount? We focus so much on end results and we look at other people who have done it and focus on their end results without actually stopping and taking a look at a very important question, which is who did they have to become to be successful at that thing?

What system did they have to build into their life over time to be successful?

So today I want to reframe the way we [00:02:00] think about our goals and challenge you to think about your systems a little bit more. Having a goal, something to strive for is important, but let's also think about what you do on a day-to-day basis that helps you get to that goal. Because the problem with being so heavily focused on achieving goals is that we may have a tendency to only look at the end result and become discouraged if we aren't getting there as fast as we think we should, when really we could be making great progress along the way.

Goals also give an either or scenario where we either achieve them and are successful or we don't, and we are unsuccessful, which also doesn't allow us to focus on the progress that we've made. And what happens when we get hit with roadblocks along the way? What do we do when our 30 day plan turns into 130 day plan?

How can we look at the results we're getting on a daily basis and know that what we're doing is helping us move forward, even if the [00:03:00] results that we are seeing aren't the results that we expected or aren't in the timeframe we expected?

So in Atomic Habits, James Clear says that true habit change is identity change. If we want to build habits that stick and change anything in our life, we have to ask ourselves, who do I need to become in order to be successful at this? Who do I need to become in order to do this thing that I'm setting out to do?

A good example to differentiate between goals and systems is that a goal is setting out to complete a marathon. Building a system in our life is about becoming a runner and doing the things that a runner does and all aspects of our life, not just checking off boxes along the way to get to this one goal.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-goal . Goals can definitely help motivate us and drive us forward just like that goal of running a marathon.

But we should always have in the [00:04:00] back of our mind this question of what happens when I attain that goal, or what happens if I don't attain that goal? What do I do then? How do I handle setbacks? If we're working on our system, if we're working on our habits and we're building a foundation to be successful in what we're doing, then once we get there, we're going to be on more solid ground, and we can become that person who looks at what's next, where do I want to go from here?

And then potentially choose a new goal along the way, but all the while, keep showing up as a runner regardless of the next goal.

So a problem with making any change is that we can get discouraged when we don't seem to be making the progress that we thought we would, or the progress that we hoped we would, or the progress that we expected, whatever it might be.

We can get discouraged if we set a goal and we don't achieve it. Or don't achieve it fast enough. So it's important to take a look at how you see success and how important momentum can be on any journey. And this is where [00:05:00] combining systems and goals is important. It's not that I don't think goals are important, like I said, it's just that we have to be smart about them.

And I'm sure a lot of people have heard the acronym SMART when it comes to goals, but we want to, we wanna make our goals specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-based. So Clear says we don't rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems. So basically, you might have some lofty goals, but how do those goals align with our current habits and routines that we have in place?

If we have this goal way up here and our systems are currently way down there, we need to first work on that gap in between. One way I like to do that is to have a goal. , but have that goal be more short-term and smarter. We can still have a long-term goal of, of, let's just say, for example, I wanna be alcohol free, but Right.

That's a, that's rather, [00:06:00] that's rather vague. So how can we bring that into the here and now? And how about bringing that goal down? And instead of saying, I'm going to be alcohol free forever or indefinitely, bring it down and say, my goal over this next week is to be alcohol free. Or even if you said, my goal today is to be alcohol free, that's good too because what you want to do is set a goal that's closer to the system that you have in place now and build from there.

Build that foundation up brick by brick. Use SMART goals. We set that specific goal that I wanna be alcohol free. It's measurable because I want to record zero drinks. and then we get to the A and smart, which I think is the most important one personally, and that's, is it attainable? Because setting a goal that's unattainable is only setting yourself up for failure.

So be honest with yourself, but also challenge yourself too. For instance, if [00:07:00] you're saying, oh, I have this event going on this weekend, so I'll start on Monday because this is too hard. I would say to challenge yourself and ask, do I have to go to that event this weekend? , is that more important than this goal I have?

Or maybe challenge yourself in a different way and ask, can I go and just not drink? Sure. That might be different than how you, you know, I've ever shown up before. But that is an option as well. Then we can start thinking about the how. How can I get through this event, alcohol free. We'll start working on that then.

Another note on setting attainable goals is to be realistic, right? I mean, it has to be attainable. So maybe losing 15 pounds is your goal, but setting a goal of losing 15 pounds this week is not attainable, at least in a sustainable, healthy way. Right? Um, my goal can't be that I'm going to dunk a basketball.

I'm a hair under five 11 and I've just been to the chiropractor twice this week because of my back. [00:08:00] So is that attainable? No, it's not. You know, if I fix my back and I do specific exercises and drills and work at it, can I do that someday also? No. Um, okay. Maybe I could, but I'm pretty sure that I was as close as I'll ever get to dunking up basketball in college.

And if it didn't happen, then I'm, I'm gonna retire that goal right now. But you get my point, right? There are some things that are unattainable, and then there are things that maybe we just need to challenge ourselves to try out and see how it goes. And learn from the experience. Don't sell yourself short.

So continuing on the smart goals next, is it relevant? Is this relevant to how I want to show up in my life? This is where we can come back to our, our why, the reason for making a change in the first place. Does this goal align with that? And finally, a smart goal is time-based. So as in our example, in the next week, I'm going to focus on being alcohol free.[00:09:00]

I. . So in my example, I said, I want to not drink alcohol over the next week. That's my goal. So now the question becomes, what are the things that are going to prevent me from doing this? What are the things that are going to help me do this? Who do I need to become in order to do this? What system do I need to work on implementing this week?

Again, I like to focus on short-term goals and not get too far ahead of myself. So just bringing it down to that can be important in the beginning, especially. So this is where we need to start building our foundation, building and adjusting our systems. A good place to start is by taking a look at our current routines, showing yourself and proving your to yourself that you can build up habits that are positive is important.

But we, we also don't want to be overwhelmed right from the jump, so we just need to pick a place and start somewhere. I like taking a look at the book ends of our day. , what, what does your morning and nighttime routines look like right now? And maybe you just said what [00:10:00] routines? Uh, and that's fine too.

But just pick a time of day to work on and take a look at it. What are you currently doing during that time? What would be some things you would like to do? And we don't want to add in 50 different tasks all at once. So we don't have to exercise for two hours in the morning or meditate for 20 minutes before bed or journal for five pages after dinner or anything like that.

We can start small and we should start small If we want this to be sustainable change. Ask, what are some things that we want to start doing in our morning routine? How can we start building a system in our life that helps us do what we want to do as it pertains to removing or reducing alcohol in our life?

A good routine morning, afternoon, or evening, whatever it might be, could consist of movement or meditation or using the Reframe app and doing your daily tasks.

But think about those things. Is it best to do your daily tasks first thing in the morning to start your day off on the right foot? Or do you think it's better to do it at [00:11:00] 6:00 PM when you're potentially having a craving to drink right after work and therefore it kind of sets you up in a more positive way to attack your nighttime routine.

Remember, there is no right way to set up your routines and your systems except the one that works for you. And it will probably take a lot of trial and error to determine what works best for you right now and, and that can definitely change in the future too.

So what's your point, Kevin? Great systems goals, yada, yada, yada. Uh, my point is that we need both and we need to focus less on huge, lofty goals and focus more on what we do day in and day out that can help us achieve those goals. We need to think about where we can take a look at the systems in our life.

what routines do we have that aren't serving us? What habits do we have that aren't helping us? What would we like them to be instead and how can we get them there? We need to try new things. We need to give things time to actually work and not abandon them [00:12:00] after 21 days or 30 days because we thought we'd be farther along.

Recognize that whatever systems that we already have in place have been built over years and years in our life, and they potentially served a purpose at one time or another, but maybe they're no longer doing so. But because they've been built over many years, they will take time to adjust and change. So how can we focus on the small wins, focus on smarter goals that are more attainable and keep building that foundation along the way.

So I'll leave you with one last thought on this, you know, from Atomic Habits, uh, to help with these questions. And, and that is when he talks about what making progress really looks like by comparing it to an ice cube. So there's an ice cube in front of you, and the room is a chilly 25 degrees Fahrenheit.

Then ever so slowly, the room begins to heat up one degree and it's 26 degrees, continuing on 27 degrees, [00:13:00] 28, but still the ice cube has not changed at all. It's just sitting there as cold as ever. The room keeps heating up though. 29 degrees 30, no change, visible at all 31 degrees. Still nothing. But then all of a sudden it hits 32 degrees and a bead of sweat starts to form on the side of the ice cube, and change has started to occur.

Visible change, I should say, has started to occur, and that one degree shift, which was seemingly no different than all the ones before, it has unlocked this huge change. and a lot of times, this is the change that we see from other people. We see that change once it hits 32 and 33 and 34 degrees.

We rarely see people's change from 25 to 26 or 26 to 27 degrees, but that doesn't mean that change wasn't worth it. That doesn't mean that change was wasted. Clear says breakthrough moments are often the result of many previous actions, [00:14:00] which build up the potential required to unleash a major change. So remember that the next time you feel that you should have started to see a change already, don't complain that nothing is happening when you're heating up your ice cube, recognize the hard work you're putting in. Look at the foundation that you're building. Keep trying new things and learning. Just keep heating up that ice cube. Give yourself patience to just keep working on you because that is never wasted energy.

Thank you all for listening to this week's episode of the Reframeable Podcast. Brought to you by the Reframe app. Reframe is the number one iOS app to help you cut back or quit drinking alcohol. It uses neuroscience to reframe your relationship with alcohol and unlock the healthiest, happiest you. If you're enjoying this podcast, please like, subscribe and share with those that you feel may benefit from it.

I wanna thank you again for listening and be sure to come back soon for another episode, [00:15:00] and I hope you have a great day.