Finishing the Year Strong: Maintaining Healthy Rituals & Routines

Kevin: [00:00:00] right. Ready? Welcome everyone to another episode of the Reframeable podcast, the podcast that brings you people's stories and ideas about how we can work to reframe our relationship, not just with alcohol, but with stress, anxiety, relationships, enjoyment. And so much more because changing our relationship with alcohol is about so much more than changing the contents of our glass.

This podcast is brought to you by the Reframe app. Reframe is the number one app to help you cut back or quit drinking alcohol. It uses neuroscience to reframe your relationship with alcohol and unlock the healthiest, happiest you. My name is Kevin Bellack. I'm a certified professional recovery coach and the head of coaching at The ReFrame App.

Steph: I'm Steph Prangley. I'm a nutritional therapy practitioner and a ReFrame coach as well.

Kevin: Welcome, Steph. How's it going?

Steph: I know it's been a while. Feels like it, yeah. I don't think we've recorded in almost a month now. Uh

Kevin: uh. Uh, yeah. Do you want [00:01:00] to fill us in on what's been new with you?

Steph: Yeah, well, anyone who's been on my meetings knows.

I keep saying I'm not bringing my A game, I'm bringing like my D plus game or C minus game, uh, but it's been rough. So I had, I had my knee surgery, all went well with that but I caught a cold, which turned into bronchitis, so. We haven't recorded in three or four weeks since probably pre op. We just had to keep, I had to keep canceling because I lost my voice.

I had this like violent cough, fatigue, everything that kind of comes with it. And bronchitis like notoriously carries on forever. So, I finally had my post op appointment with my doctor today, and he kind of threw me some, some steroid meds to help with, uh, both the bronchitis and some, like, residual swelling and stuff that's going on in the knee, but it's just been so hard, [00:02:00] like, keeping My head up, really.

I mean, it just feels like I need a win here, it's been, it's just seems like non stop, like life has been coming at me, so. Yeah.

Kevin: Uh, yeah, that's so tough. When, that's a great way to put it, like, I just need a win. Anything, which might play into... So kind of what we're talking about today, but we'll see, as things get off track, uh, as things change, uh, but yeah, I mean, that's so tough for the, I feel for it cause that's when you have both, to have one, okay, I'm sick.

Like, it's not a big deal. It can't be, but you know, to be sick. surgery and trying to recover from both. I'm sorry. That is not fun.

Steph: That's a lot. Well, and I thought like back when it was just a cold, we Went to an apple [00:03:00] orchard up in Western North Carolina. And so I've been like baking apple themed goods.

So I mean, that's like kind of new for me. I'm not much of a baker. Like I love to cook, but you know, baking is, there's so much precision. Like you actually have to measure stuff, you can't be like. two garlic cloves. How about a whole head? So it's been kind of fun to explore, Baking and my appetite's been really weird since I've been sick.

So it's just been fun to figure out a different way to channel some of this energy. Like normally I would want to go for a walk or workout or, whatever, like get my heart pumping. It just hasn't been possible. I couldn't breathe for a while. So, uh, I don't know. It's just, I recommend that with clients too.

It's like get creative with. How you want to spend your time, like, am I going to really get into baking? Probably not, but I have these gorgeous apples [00:04:00] and why not like experiment with some different recipes and all like the food is more palatable than what I normally eat.

Kevin: Yeah I like that.

Explore. Yeah. Use what you have. Start where you are. Use, use what you have. Do what you can. It's not the same. Yeah, trying to keep that positive mindset or get, even get a positive mindset, right? It's overwhelming sometimes when you're feeling that, so.

Steph: Well, honestly, I, I try, like, I kind of stopped trying to have a positive mindset and just accepted that it sucked, or that it sucks.

And, I found a lot more freedom with that, I guess. I'm like, okay, this sucks. I can't do what I want to do. I'm sick. I can't breathe. I can't. Like sleep through the night without these violent coughs, but what can I do now? Like make some baked goods?

Kevin: Yeah, I'm gonna make myself sick of Apple themed baked goods by the end of October.

It's a good [00:05:00] goal to have.

Steph: Oh, and I started listening to your band, the Blue October. Oh, yeah?

Kevin: Yeah. Something good did come out of it.

Steph: Something good did come out of it. Yeah, I was like, I'll give this a try and I'm like, oh, yeah, this is totally my vibe. It reminds me of being all like emo and tortured as a, in the early two thousands when I'm like, why can't someone just love me listening to like dashboard confessional?

That's, it gave me like all those vibes for like back in when I was like in my twenties and late teens.

Kevin: Yeah. Especially if you go, you have to go back to like the nineties and early two thousands albums, like where, it's definitely a upward trajectory for them. But yeah, all those vibes are sitting back there and there's some as they go along, but, uh, Yeah, definitely gets more upbeat and I love the, just the change of their sound too over the years.

It's cool to watch. So [00:06:00]

Steph: well, I'm feeling the tortured vibe right now. So it was like the earlier, the earlier tunes were definitely like, yeah, I do feel kind of tortured. I'm going to roll with this feeling.

Kevin: Yeah. Hey, why not embrace it? Yeah, well, uh, I should come better prepared for some of the what's new.

I'm just, uh I can't remember if I've been taught. I don't think, yeah, we haven't recorded since I I share this in meetings occasionally, but yeah, I started that 70. So sorry to rub this in, but I'm, I'm walking and moving and feeling good, at the moment. But yeah, I started that 75 hard, I think today is day 24.

So I am all in on that. And that, that also kind of, uh, is something that, I use, for today's theme too, about, maintaining rituals and that, because it gives me, it helps me because it gives me certain things to do that I want [00:07:00] to do. Uh, I read every day anyway. But this tells me I got to read 10 pages.

So, okay, I have that. And, I, I want to move anyway, and I want to go for a walk outside. This makes me do it. I want to drink more water. Boom. Got to drink a gallon, and it's, it's just all those things that I, I needed because after, uh, I threw my back out in May, I kind of derailed myself for the whole summer and was in just, just that funk of, I can't get back into anything.

And, uh, so I was, I usually. Something like that happens. And I usually get to the point where I'm like, I'm sick of myself. I need to do something. Here's a challenge. I'm going to just dive into it. So that's been benefiting me at the moment. Yeah, so that's basically the main thing that I've been focused on outside of, I guess, work, these past couple of weeks.

So, yeah.

Steph: Yeah. I've been following along and you, I don't know, like [00:08:00] the, like rules of 75 hard, but you seem to have a really healthy perspective on it. Like I see you doing like. Weights and stuff like that. But I see you like active recovery, walk days and stretches and stuff like that. I think that's, it's just such a, like a healthy way to, to approach something like that because certain personalities, especially people in our recovery space can.

That can become a new sort of addictive tendency, pushing too hard and the no pain, no gain kind of thing. And it's, I mean, since we're both experienced with injuries to our bodies. So I think we both approach it from like, how can I do this and not get injured at the same time? Exactly. But that comes from a prior place of like always pushing through to, especially college sports and stuff like that.

Yeah. It's like, okay. We can only learn this lesson so many times before maybe making a change.

Kevin: Yeah. [00:09:00] And like, cause like in 2018, I think I tore my labrum in my shoulder and, uh, from doing, I'm going to start back up and working out and all this. And I just did too much too soon. And, uh, and I got physical therapy for it and it fixed it.

Uh, from the standpoint of, it wasn't like pain every time I reach for something, but I still have to watch, it's still there. So like today I kind of took it easy on some of the things because I could feel that it was a little overdoing it a little bit. I just have to always watch that.

And yeah, like the perspective on the eating and stuff, I'm working to do this like sustainably, uh not like restrictive and things like that. I'm following my own rules and, and trying to do build something that I can carry with me in the future. And actually I have this crazy idea, which I don't know why I'm saying this here out loud to listening, but I'm not looking to do a 75 hard.

My thought in my head is that I'm doing [00:10:00] 366 hard because it's leap year next year. So. I'm on day 24 of 366. Uh, it's a little thing that I, I'm like kind of playing around with in my head, uh, that I think I'm just going to do this all the same roles for a whole year. Cause I can do, I did the 75 part before I've done that.

I want to challenge, myself a little bit more, but I'm not, I'm also not getting ahead of myself. Cause like he just said, I have the, I know I have the tendency to push it a little too much. And, but right now I'm going to focus on 75 days with the thought of continuing on after that, but we'll see how that goes.

Steph: Well, that's the kind of mind games we have to play sometimes too, right? Like, even with some clients, it's like, can you commit to 30 days? Can you commit to 90 days? And then we'll reevaluate, talking about, doing an alcohol free challenge, it can go the same way. But I mean, if you're doing it in a sustainable way where, I mean, if you at least have [00:11:00] that awareness that you have the tendency to push yourself too hard, like.

It's just, it's so hard to do. It's so hard to, cause your, your body, your muscles remember that, they remember what you used to be able to do. It's like you were an athlete. I was an athlete. I'm like, I remember how I used to be able to lift weights and move my body and stuff. And it's just like, I don't know if I go to the gym, I'm like, yeah, I can squat that.

I can squat more than that. I can keep going. And then the next day it's like. Toilet trust fall, when you're like, I hope it's back there because I'm going for it. Uh,

Kevin: I know exactly what you mean. I've never heard it put like that. That's hilarious. Toilet trust fall.

Steph: Trust the process. Yeah.

Kevin: Oh, that's so funny.

If uh, yeah. Yeah. And, and I, my, luckily I had my, 16 month checkup for my knee and everything was good. He's like, yeah, just make sure, don't squat. Don't do lunges. Uh, don't, run long distances. I'm like, [00:12:00] okay, so when you say don't squat, I mean, like, not like a bar on my back with weight.

Right. And he's like, yeah, I'm like, okay. Cause I'm squatting with body weight and stuff lunges. I'm taking it easy. I'm like running distances. I did. I also with that whole three 66, I was like, well, then I can run a marathon again next year. And I had, I, so he talked me off of that. Not that I couldn't do it, but I just don't know why that even popped in my head.

I was reading never finished. And I think that was the thing that kept like motivating me. And I'm like, I need to stop listening to this guy. Staff, uh, but yeah, we'll see how it goes. I am feeling good now and just ride it. We'll see in, uh, February in Cleveland, uh, when I have many layers on walking outside for 45 minutes, how that feels, but.

I'm used to it. I like the cord.

Steph: I do too. Yeah. [00:13:00] I'm built for survival. Yeah. Well that's awesome. I mean, maybe you can set a goal instead of running, do like a, like a metric century or something on a bike. Like there's like those organized rides that you can train for and that's a little bit more knee friendly.

Yeah,

Kevin: and that's what he said, too. He's like, oh, biathlon where you bike and swim and I'm like, yeah But I hate both of those words that you hate all those words that came out of your mouth Like I just know it's like not my thing But you never know like I kind of I probably end up will getting a bike eventually Like a stationary one, at least, uh, I have a bike.

It's not like made for, for like riding on the road or anything. It's just like kind of tooling around bike. But, uh, yeah, eventually I could see myself getting a stationary bike in order to exercise more and, uh, less wear and tear on the knee,

but swimming, I just sank, [00:14:00] so I'm not, I don't know if I need to put myself through that. Yeah, but it's a good idea. I mean, to, to do something different. And right now it's like, I like walking outside 45 minutes. It's like my commute. I treat it like my, my old commute to work where I listen to audible. I listen to podcasts.

My wife and I just walked yesterday and chatted for a bit. And so I do definitely look forward to that each day.

Steph: Love it. Yeah. I walk as a commute too. Like, I walk to work and then I walk, like, after work and it's just a nice way to, I don't know, separate myself from my computer or whatever too, so.

Oh, you do both ways?

Kevin: Mm hmm. That's interesting. I like that.

Steph: I mean, the morning is kind of whatever. I do that to tire out the puppy more than anything, but the after work one I'm realizing is like really, really important for me, it's pretty easy for me to let. Especially like our, like the app stuff that we do with our [00:15:00] clients to let that kind of bleed into the evening.

And if I don't have something very representative of the end of my day, then I, I kind of never end my day. So I'll, uh, once I get Once I'm, like, not coughing so violently, I'll probably alternate walks and going to, like, a 430 spin class or something like that. Or yoga or something. So.

Kevin: Good plan.

Steph: Yep.

Alright. Well, you're 75 slash 366 hard. It's a good segue. We ready to move on to shop talk. All right. In this segment, we'll talk about a recovery related topic that's on our mind and yours. We hope to cover the topic from all angles and land somewhere actionable and helpful for you. If you have a topic you want us to cover in the podcast, send an email to podcast at reframe app.

com. Or if you are a reframe user, [00:16:00] uh, when you're in the app, give it a shake and just let us know that you have a podcast. recommendation for us. So today we want to talk about how to maintain healthy rituals and routines when our schedules get kind of bonkers. We're releasing this at the end of October.

We're kind of heading into the holiday season. We have Halloween coming up in the states that we have Thanksgiving, uh, Hanukkah, Christmas. New Year's, all of it. It is so easy to say, screw it. I'll just start over in January. But what we want to talk about today is what if you went into this holiday season, feeling your best, both physically, mentally, emotionally.

What if you have the capacity to handle holiday parties and. Get the kids off to school and deal with their parties and then just really enjoy like the excitement and the hustle and bustle of the season. Like what would, [00:17:00] how would, how could, like, how can we create routines and rituals to support just having a healthier.

Outlook and way to move through, way to navigate the holiday season. So that's what I wanted to talk about today.

Kevin: Where to begin?

Steph: Yeah, I can start a little bit and just talk about, it's like a before and after sort of thing. This is my second holiday season, alcohol free. When I was a drinker, I tended to do that screw it. I'll start over in January stuff. We're going to do another episode on avoiding that. Like we're going to kind of hit this topic pretty hard.

But even with my drinking patterns, I was like, Oh, I'll give up alcohol for 30 days or 60 days so I can return and drink like a normal person. I was always in this all or nothing camp. And I think that's what this all comes down to is moving away from, either I'm [00:18:00] all in or I'm in this, screw it mentality, I'll start over when and that when is it can be the new year, but it can be anything else too. It can be, I'll start taking care of myself when I get that promotion or, when I'm done with school or whatever. There's always like this future date, this future thing that's when we can start doing whatever the thing is.

So now like for the holidays or moving into busier seasons, stuff like that everything I do, I kind of learned as part of my recovery too. So the things that keep me happy and balanced and not as tempted to drink are the same things that just keep me. sane and balanced and grounded in general.

And so that's either like busy life, like it can apply to that. It can apply to stress at work. It can apply to addressing someone's relationship with alcohol. I talk about all the [00:19:00] time, but just time and nature and creative time are really important to me and opting out and only attending what I call like the highest value events are, that's also really important to me.

Like, I know sometimes we have obligations. that we can't just, we can't always say no to the things that aren't highest value, but at least minimizing them. And then of course, like making sure I'm eating regularly and eating vegetables and fiber and stuff like that, hydration, rest, all of that kind of stuff.

So, for me being, the all or nothing kind of person, I really had to learn a lot of compassion with that. And that comes from, Perfectionism, it comes from people pleasing, it comes from all of these sort of toxic traits, or whatever you want to call them, that sort of led to my drinking in the first place, too.

So it all overlaps. It's all, like, part of the same umbrella of [00:20:00] just... like navigating life in a way that brings me joy, keeps me grounded, keeps me happy. So, that's just kind of like my experience with it. I try to get more realistic about the, like doing it all mentality. So I talk a lot about like my group fitness classes, just movement as an example.

So I love doing spin class. I love doing yoga class, but that isn't. Always like the best move when I'm really busy or really stressed. Like sometimes it feels like too much. So it's just like, can I build in an extra walk then instead? More walks, fewer fitness classes. It's still movement. It's still counts.

Like, I'm not like making or breaking my health with that. It's just, what is realistic for me this day, this week, whatever. Yeah.

Kevin: Yeah. I love that. And it's like, just makes me think of like, know how you operate. Right. Like you said, like I'm usually all or [00:21:00] nothing. And how can I do things in a way that, that works either within that, so that I can go all in on something or , to help.

Give me options, uh, so that, you can, I remember you talking a while back about your menu, right? Menu of things that you have to do with whether it's like your, uh, exercise, yeah, I want to go to a spin class tonight, but then tonight comes and it's like, I don't feel like it.

So let's look at the menu. Let's look at the other things because, uh, getting out and walking is, is, yeah, is, is still better than not doing something perhaps. But maybe not doing something's better than getting out and walking to if you need that rest, right? I mean, just knowing what you need there and kind of being a little bit more intuitive is the right word with it, but gracious to yourself, if you need that, uh, break to do something less.

Steph: Yeah, it does require a certain amount [00:22:00] of, yeah, I would say like intuition or just the ability to tune in to yourself. And a lot of that's what. A lot of recovery is right. Is like. Okay, I want to drink, but I know I don't want to drink. What is it that my body really wants right now? And like, you're just kind of doing that exercise over and over and over again.

It's the same thing, even, for me, alcohol's been removed for a little while. I mean, I still have to tune in to what my body needs. So, yeah, I'm glad you brought up, like, the menu of options. I just used movement as an example, but it really is kind of with everything.

Kevin: Yeah, and, and, having that again, know how you operate, right? Maybe the menu works for you. Maybe it doesn't, but find that thing that, that you want to do. And, uh, it can be easy. As you alluded to, to just say, screw it, I'll start over in, in January. I know that was, that's my mentality with a lot of things and I work on it [00:23:00] all the time.

And uh, I've said before that, in 2018, I did Sober October and I went, made it five days, drank, that was done. And basically I said, screw it, I'll start over next year. And I might've did a half ass attempt on something else in December. But. It pushed it off and then a year later, then I came in and I was about come at that same time in October, I was around six months.

Alcohol free, different mindset. Obviously I had, was working on it all year up until that point. But then I had to go into the holidays and, I was feeling confident. But one thing we have to keep in mind is like, It's different, right? I mean, if, if you've never gone through a period of time with addressing how you're showing up with alcohol, if you're, if you're cutting back, if you're cutting out, whatever that looks like [00:24:00] for you, just recognize it's going to feel different.

It's going to be different. And don't I, first and foremost, don't beat yourself up. If you're, like, why am I, why am I so tired? Why am I feeling like this? Why do I, uh, why am I triggered like this or whatever? Because it's different. I mean, and it's, it's almost like. Everybody says, all right, well, January 1st is coming up and we'll just start then.

And that's one of the reasons like when I did this challenge to like two years ago, I did it. I started like October 21st because I was sitting there thinking like I'm going to start November 1st and it's a first of the month. It's a Monday. It's perfect. Those two line up, it'll take me to this time and the future.

And that'll work. And I was like, that's when I stopped. I'm like, all right, that's it. You're starting tomorrow. Like, I'm like, just do it. Like, cause if you do that, you're just always going to find a reason to push it off. And that's why I did that. Did it too, because I'm like, this will get me to [00:25:00] January 3rd.

So I took it upon myself to try a challenge that would help guide me through the. Holidays that here. But I did that and I was, two or three. Two years alcohol free at that point, I believe. And I felt ready for it, right? If I did that the year before would not have gone well, if I did the year before that would not have been able to do it.

So, just being, being realistic too on where you're at, because that first holiday season, I learned real quick that I got drained when. I went to these events and showed up absolutely 1000 percent differently than I did before, which was drinking Kevin and not giving a shit. It was open bar.

Uh, and, and that was it. There's one goal there and yeah. So showing up differently, getting all the questions, why aren't you drinking, [00:26:00] what's going on? Yeah, it was tiring and I could have skipped out on some, but it was like a lot of work stuff and, and that but I rec, I realized real quick that I have to do things differently.

I have to rest up beforehand. I know we've talked about this with, you and then certain events, like making sure that your, that battery's charged, making sure that you have rest available afterwards to, uh, like not available, scheduled planned. because you're going to probably need it.

Everyone's different. But knowing, whether you're an extrovert and introvert and what charges you and what, what recharges you, what drains you and, and going into it, that in mind is important.

Steph: Yeah. I agree. A hundred percent. Yeah. That's like that. The prevent, like the prevention plan. Sort of involves tackling halt things ahead of time, cause I would say most people feel that like what you're talking about, just like the drained energy moving through all of this, [00:27:00] especially not relying on alcohol as heavily as you used to or not having alcohol as an option at all.

It's very, very draining because. You're learning a new skill. It's like, it's, we forget that sometimes. It's like, it's more than just remove it. Like even like our intro to this podcast, right. It's more than just removing what's in the glass. It's, we show up differently in life when we don't have this, the substance to lean on and it is kind of tiring.

So, I also like what you said about not beating yourself up too. Like, cause I, I wonder this, like. I kind of think that I'll always struggle with being this all or nothing person and I've found ways to ease up on that, but, it's been really important for me to not beat myself up when I see those tendencies kind of coming [00:28:00] in too, and even just like what you're doing with this, like 75 slash whatever hard, it's like you acknowledge, you tend to be an all or nothing person, you've structured this challenge in a way that can be sustainable and is like kind of tackling the other things like injury prevention.

It's, it's holding that higher, but you realize that I'm also the kind of person that needs to commit to something like this. To get me out of the rut I've been in since I, threw out my back or whatever. And it's like, I don't know, just finding a way to, to

finding a way to make that work for you in a way that isn't detrimental. It isn't an all or nothing. It's just saying, Hey, I do better when I have like someone telling me I need to be doing this thing. Like that accountability thing is so important, but you can structure the [00:29:00] challenge in a way that isn't going to be like detrimental to you long term.

Yeah,

Kevin: absolutely. And, and that's what people. Think with things like that, like, Oh, I couldn't possibly work out two times a day for 45 minutes each. And it's like, yeah, but it's like, one of those is a walk every day, outside walk, uh, 45 minutes. And if you don't like that, you got to find something else.

Right. But I love that. And it's, it's low impact. It's good for my knee to keep strengthening that. And occasionally I'll throw in a quick 30, 60 second jog here and there, but, uh, and, and that's, that's. Helpful for me. I also started uh, a specific program working out, uh, online and, and that's keeping me accountable.

And whenever I'm not feeling it. I stretch 45 minutes, I'll sit there and stretch while reading a book, perhaps, or, actually my last two, uh, [00:30:00] maybe this is against the 75 hard rules. I don't really care. But the last two, uh, therapy sessions I had, I was like, you don't mind if I sit here and stretch while we're talking, right?

Like that, just, we, we sit there and I'm. Knock out a workout because I fit it in where I need to. But I, but I needed to stretch that day and I needed to get this done and I had other stuff going on. So I fit it in where I could. But it wasn't, it's a, these challenges like this helped me check off that box.

Whereas before I would have just said like, I don't have time for this. So, but you know, you can start with all this whole list of stuff that you can do, or you can just focus on one area and say like every day, no matter what, I'm going to pick up that book and read. Five pages, I'm going to go for a walk, even if it's 10 minutes, I'm going to, it have that one thing that you can check off.

You don't need to check off 50 things or anything like that. But what do you [00:31:00] want to do? And what like helps you, what recharges you? What do you, what do you feel motivated to work on now? Because if you're not motivated to work on it, it's going to be tough to fit that in. But. And I don't always like to rely on motivation because if I relied on motivation, I wouldn't work out half the time.

So I rely on accountability and posting the stuff on Instagram, joining this group and, and having somebody, to be accountable to things like that are helpful to me. So it's like, I know how I operate. And I try and build something to help me operate in that way.

Steph: Yeah, I mean, what you're describing is just like the overcoming the inertia, like changing habits are really hard.

It's and it's that way for a reason, right? Because I mean, imagine having to learn how to like relearn how to walk every day or. Learn how to tie your shoes or how you brush your teeth or whatever. Like that's exhausting. And that's, I mean, that's basically what we're asking our brain to do [00:32:00] when we're trying to do a new habit.

It's like, we're so used to like whatever the habit is, but changing that even when it's for the best, it's so incredibly difficult. And so, you're talking about. If movement is your goal or whatever to saying, I'm going to commit to walking every day, even if it's around the block, it's 5, 10 minutes, whatever, and all you're doing is overcoming that inertia and building it into your day and finding a way to build into your day so that.

You can evaluate your life, evaluate these rituals and routines that are going to help you achieve whatever goal it is you're trying to achieve and doing it in a realistic way and doing it in a way that that isn't going to be in this all or nothing kind of mindset because a 10 minute walk.

After dinner, like, that's really beneficial. Like, it's beneficial for your digestion. It's beneficial for blood sugar. It's beneficial to just get outside, especially as we [00:33:00] approach these winter months. It's like that fresh air, even when it's cold, even when it's cloudy. It's just, it's so refreshing for our bodies to have access to that, so.

Kevin: Yeah, yeah, uh, I'm not saying that you have to go outside and do something every single day. Right. But what would, what would work for you? Like thinking about like, Oh, I want to walk more. Can you get a partner to do it with either either in person or just someone to Oh, yeah.

Check in for accountability and say, Hey, three times this week, let's go. We're going to go for a walk or, or whatever. I know we're, we're kind of beating on that thing, but, but insert whatever for walk, like, any kind of thing that you want to keep consistent with and focus on. As we close out these last few months of 2023, right?

I mean, that is, I think, uh, a super beneficial thing to do is to end the year [00:34:00] strong with something, and it doesn't have to be hitting all our goals, like all at once and doing all that, but it can just be, setting, starting a small habit. To carry with you into the new year, and you feel like you're ahead of the game.

So yeah, making that decision.

Steph: Yeah. And honestly, you probably won't be hitting all of whatever your goals are. Like, do we ever? I mean, I don't know. I don't like, I reviewed, like, I have a very intense, like planner kind of system, and so I'll. Like, I'll look at it, I'll look at it, every quarter I'll evaluate it, every month I'll evaluate it, every week and every day, and I do, like, this evaluation I do is, is different levels, so quarterly goals might be something like God, what's been on my list for a while, oh, there's like a mountain here I want to hike, that, uh, I haven't been able to train for, [00:35:00] obviously, but it's like, the elevation gain and, Like how far it is.

I can't just like go out and hike that. Right. So if my quarterly goal is to hike, to hike that at the end of say, I don't know, second quarter 2024, then I can put in some monthly goals for what I need to do in order to like eventually build up to that. And then weekly I can look at, okay, how am I supporting that?

There's like this injury prevention lens there, whatever, I'm going to move away from it. So other, like other goals that I've had that I've done, like using this is, I mean, business related goals, of course, social goals. So like, a big part of my life was drinking at the bar and a lot of my friends still drink and I didn't want to lose these.

These relationships and they aren't the kind of relationships that I had to lose. It's just a lot of what they do is at night, and I like to go to bed at like 8. 30. So,[00:36:00] I've talked before about, game night, like we do, we host game nights now. So like Wednesday nights have just become the thing, like we have them at the Prangley's house.

We play games, and in a couple weeks we're doing one that's, we're calling it the Prangley's Pumpkin Palooza. So cheesy. I know my husband did not sign off on that, but I, I like printed invitations and mail them to people and stuff. And we're going to carve pumpkins and I'm doing like apple and pumpkin and fall treat themed treats.

And we're just going to like, have a good time with pumpkin themed, whatever. So like, that was something I wrote down in my goals. Cause I'm like. We are not like we are not getting enough social time and like I'm not I don't get triggered. So they drink like at our house or whatever. The activity never centers around drinking like we're not going to the bar to talk like we're coming over to our house to play games or do this like pumpkin carving contest thing and [00:37:00] alcohol happens to be there.

So I don't know. It's like for me having that kind of order just like you're 75 hard but having you. This process for me checking in on hitting these goals and a broad scope of them to like, we do talk a lot about movement, but, I have vocational goals. I have spiritual goals, like all of the menu of stuff we always talk about, like, how can I support, my well being in this like holistic way.

And then a lot of that is building these rituals. And so, yeah, we're talking about,

Kevin: and I'll throw another one in is like that. I'm focused on now, I say I'm working on, but. Feel like to work on something, you actually have to do it every once in a while. And that's my sleep. And, that's, that's been tough lately for various reasons.

It's always, I'm kind of like, I know this isn't a thing, but I feel like I'm like a night owl and an early bird all at the same time. Which [00:38:00] doesn't bode well for sleep. Uh, but you know, lately, one of the things I'm doing is like, usually the walk outside goes to. The end of the day and I get it in whenever I walked on Friday, I think, or one of the days, like Thursday or Friday, I was like out there at 11 o'clock at night walking.

And I came, came home and yeah, I was kind of wired. So I was up till two 30. Uh, that didn't, that didn't bode well. But then again, it's like, that's how I need to manage my time better and move that walk earlier and figure that stuff out. Right. Ultimately, like that's something I'm, I'm working on as part of this is like really looking at how can I get the benefits of more sleep?

Uh, I need that. I haven't been doing well with it and I, I talk about I always like to work on my bookends for the day. Uh, I just shared that on, on Instagram. I [00:39:00] think I kind of was yesterday or day before. But it, uh, I, I feel like the, the bookends we can control more and, and definitely the first bookend for me, I can control more when I wake up, like I have more, a little bit more time, someone else, maybe, yours is in the middle of the day or at the end of the day that you can control depending on your schedule, depending on, what you have going on.

But. The, the beginning of the day I can control a little bit better and I'm trying to control it even better. Like for me, reading is big reading cup of coffee is the way I love to start my day. I need to put my phone down and some of that, so I've been getting better at, what, I'm going to get up.

I'm going to get my coffee, get my water and pick up my book and just read, put my phone down. Uh, so, learning how, you, where some of these pitfalls are and be like, okay, put the phone down. And then once you're done with this and check this off, then go on and do the things that you need to do there or want to do.[00:40:00]

And then the end of the day, setting up that other bookend. Is important for me, but that's the one I'm working on right now. I got the, I got the, I got the morning one down. But how can I, I always call it, put myself to bed, like I'm like a child, like I need to just sometimes tell myself, go to bed.

And I picked up a new, uh, book. I want to read because I like to read fiction at night. Like, whenever I had a good routine, I always had fiction every night. I read at least a page. Usually it was a lot more just because or a couple, a little bit more at least. But that's one of the things I like.

So. Cool. I wasn't, I didn't have books that I was like interested in. I kind of fell off of one. And so I picked up Pet Sematary. I'm like, Oh, I've, I've wanted to read this. I I've seen it that there's. part of that movie that still haunts me to this day, decades later after seeing it, whenever I'm, uh, standing near a bed, if anybody's seen it, I don't want to talk, not that I'm giving anything away, I [00:41:00] guess, but yeah, just don't want to go there.

Freaks me out. Uh, but then I opened the book and read the introduction and it's by Stephen King's writing, like this, when people ask me, what's the most terrifying. Book that I've ever written or most horrifying book to me that I've ever written. It's Pet Cemetery. And I was like, yes, this is gonna be good Anyway,

Steph: I love that.

That's your like light nighttime reading. Oh, yeah. Well in last

Kevin: year whenever I was doing well It was I read Carrie I read Salem's Lot, The Shining and then The Stand is the one that I fell off and got derailed on So I'm like, you know what, I'm, I was going to go in order, but then I was like, no, I'm just going to mix it up and pick one that I want to read.

But yeah, that's my, that's my light nighttime reading only one, only one time I remember, uh, actually waking up from nightmares. And it was during the shine when I was reading the shining and [00:42:00] yeah, one time out of all those books so far that had actually gave me nightmares. But yeah, I remember that that was freaky.

Steph: Do you, did you watch friends? Oh, yeah. Ever? They like, did it like, Joey would put the shining in the freezer to keep him safe. That's funny.

Kevin: Yeah. Yeah, we're actually, uh, my daughter goes through, we, we usually land on a series like The Office or, uh, Friends is the one we're on now where we're all sitting around.

We just throw that on. That's right. The shiny goes in the freezer.

Steph: Yeah. And Phoebe's sexy phlegm. That's what I have going on right now too.

Kevin: Are you going to sing for us? Smelly cat? Yeah. Or no? Stinky shoes?

Steph: I shouldn't. Yeah, the stinky, my stinky shoes.

Kevin: That's funny. But yeah, like that, so like, I know that helps me to, to read at night because then I'm like, especially when I have something I want to read because then I'm like, Ooh, I want to go read [00:43:00] this. Right. But you know, doing that book and is can be anything. It's only going to help and I remember someone saying in a meeting, like we were talking about morning rituals and, uh, they said something which I love, which is like my morning ritual starts the night before I don't do that.

If I don't lay out my clothes, if I don't go to bed, if I don't do this, then my morning is going to be off and it's not going to work. So, recognizing the kind of, uh. Beneficial, back and forth between those two is why I'd like to focus on them, uh, because the middle of the day, just gonna get sucked up with stuff.

Uh, can't can't always control it. Can't ever control it sometime, depending. But, uh, yeah, that's kind of my approach. And so if you're looking to start somewhere. I would say pick one of those, those bookends and just say, what is something that I am looking to improve? Is it my sleep?

Is it just getting to [00:44:00] bed or is it just, ending my night? Is it waking up and including something in my morning, uh, and just start there and start small?

Steph: Agree. And I mean, something you said that's probably the most important thing is, It's figuring out what works for you because it's like, especially in the recovery community, it's a lot of meditation, journaling, yoga going around and there's nothing wrong with any of those things, but they just might not be the high value thing for you.

Like, you're talking about if you want to go to bed early, you have to have a book you're excited to read. Because so then you're like excited to go to bed. You're like, Ooh, I can't wait. Like, I'm starting to get tired. I'm going to go and read Pet Sematary. Like, and I don't even know what I'm talking about. I listened to like true crime and go to sleep.

Kevin: Aren't you the one that like uses true crime as a sleep story?

Steph: True crime and. Cult stories and memoirs, sometimes addiction memoirs, but yeah, it's all like dark stuff for sure. So yeah, no judgment here. What am I [00:45:00] even doing?

But yeah, picking something that's high value that you look forward to doing related to your goal. So going to bed early, what's going to get you in bed early? Well, for you, it's, reading Stephen King. And like for me in the morning, like I've never been a big journaler, but I do have this like elaborate planner thing.

And there's like a whole blank page where I might just sit down and look at my schedule for the day. Look at how things are aligning with my goals for the week and the month and the quarter, whatever, and maybe write out some intentions or Like lately, it's been writing about how pissed off I am that I can't get a win, and just getting it out of my head, like physically out of my head and onto the paper is a really, like, is a, it's good for me, like, it feels like it's leaving my body.

And then. I'm sore a lot. Like I sit for a living, whatever. I like to start my day with like supportive yin yoga. Like I don't do, I'll do like some breath work kind of [00:46:00] stuff, but I'm just not the kind of person who can sit and like journal out feelings or sit and meditate. But if I'm doing these like restorative yoga poses, I do find myself kind of getting into a meditative state.

So, and I, and I look forward to that and it feels good on my body. So just finding what it is that you really like to do so that you'll actually stick to the ritual. And then that's sort of a form of habit stacking. Yeah.

Kevin: And, uh, yeah, same. Yeah, cause the, the thing I'm doing now too, is I'm doing like a body beach, body workout.

It's body now. But it's called chop wood, carry water, which as soon as I heard that, I was like, Ooh, I'm signing up for that. Cause I love the book. I love that one book. And it's, there's a lot out there about that whole mentality. But it's a lot of, he calls it primal movements. So you're on the ground and you're kind of moving around and stuff, which is totally strengthening my back.

It's totally, I feel it already in three weeks. [00:47:00] I'm starting week four now and I can feel how it's strengthening these things. And that's what I was hoping for when I started it. Uh, glad that, that, someone told me about that because, it's exactly what I needed and I kind of just lucked into it.

But I'm going to, after this week it's over, I'm going to start again on week one and just go through it again. But something we were talking about earlier this morning too. So, so finding that thing that, uh. Benefits you, like you said, the in yoga, uh, because you sit all day and that helps like doing something that you enjoy that benefits you.

I mean, you can stack all those things on there. Uh, that's just all the more motivation to do it. But yeah, we were talking this morning, uh, in the meeting, I actually texted my wife from the meeting. I'm like, can you bring up my, uh, journal from downstairs by my coffee? And so she brought up my journal and it's this nice leather bound, leatherish, I think it's leather bound, uh, journal with these nice [00:48:00] pages and, and all this that I bought because I was like, Oh, you know what?

I want to start journaling. By hand, I usually do it in my phone and I still do it always in my phone. And, but I wanted to do some in here and then it sat for weeks. And that was one of the people who shared, talked about, like, they got this beautiful journal and they don't want to mess it up. And so my thing is like, whatever you start with, just start ugly.

Just, uh, and, and that's what at one day I was just like, you know what, I'm going to write as close together and as, as indecipherable as possible and just go and write as fast as I can and ugly as I can. I already write ugly to begin with, so it's, that's why I like to type my stuff out, but you know, that, that I have to do this just right.

Mentality holds us back from, from doing so much when, you know what, if I just not to say like jump into a workout [00:49:00] program or something, unprepared or go too far, like do it safely and within your limits. But. Just start, whether that is something like that, whether that's journaling, whether that's meditation, you're, you're going to suck at it and just allow yourself to not be good at it.

If it's something new and be messy and don't like perfection is the enemy of good. Right. I mean, yeah. And it's with all, with any of these routines, I think if something like that is holding you back, almost purposefully go the other way and just draw over, Uh, in this instance and just rip the band aid off essentially and just start I don't know.

Steph: Yeah, that's, that's a reoccurring theme for, for us, like showing up messy and giving yourself permission to suck at something. Like what you're describing with the journaling and not wanting to like mess up this gorgeous journal. It's just like, Saying you're [00:50:00] going to wait to join the gym until you're already in shape, right?

Like it.

They won't let me in until I can. And

Kevin: that's like, that was like my ego, right? I mean, that was my ego. Like I used to be in phenomenal shape when I played football and afterwards and how dare I get to this point and I can't show my face until I get back to that. It's like, okay. Never going to get back to that.

And you know how I get back to that? If I do, I go into the gym and I had to put my ego aside for things like that. And at least that's how I saw it for, for in that instance, in a lot of these things. Yeah, our egos get in the way.

Steph: It's hard. I mean, it is really hard. Coming from, yeah, competitive athlete background, I.

It's, it's hard for me to show up in the gym and spin class, everything. It's like, I've put on a lot of weight over the past few years with chronic illness and just burnout, stress, drinking. Yeah, I mean, [00:51:00] accepting that, our bodies fluctuate, they change and they're not gonna, they're not gonna function like they did when we were 20 years old and all we were doing was.

Playing sports and, going to school, like if that's all I had to do, I probably could do that again, but I, I, my days aren't like that anymore.

Kevin: And that's, I just shared that on Instagram too, with like way to get out of your head by just showing every like, uh, before picture that I've taken over the last five years on, on a reel to just be like, look, this goes up and down this, it's not perfect.

And I just needed to get out of my head and, and. Be like, you know what, I'm going to keep going. I'm not, I'm not going to be that I have to get in shape to go to the gym. Like, I'm not going to sit there and focus on, uh, what's in the mirror in order to keep myself going from that capacity. I just said, you know what, I'm just going to keep working on this.

And that goes along with part of my [00:52:00] like year long plan, because I just want to show up for myself every day. It's not about doing a year. It's not about saying I did that for a year or 75 days or something like that. It's about. Just showing myself that I can do some of these things and be consistent and just show up for myself so that I feel better.

And if that's one thing, if that's six things, that's, I think, important to have that mindset shift. I'm not doing this to beat myself up, whatever, it is, or I'm not anything like that. I'm doing this for my health. I'm doing this for my mind. I'm doing this for yeah, just to feel better.

For myself and others.

Steph: Yeah. I mean, you said it perfectly. Like you just want to show up for yourself. And yeah, I saw that reel where you had all of those, like before and after pictures, it was just like showing that this is the human experience. Like, like I'm so tired of, these like perfectly curated, like all of this [00:53:00] content out there.

And it's like that everywhere. It's it's in the recovery space. It's in every sort of space that's on social media. And it's so refreshing just to see. A human being out there doing the best I can showing that like my body has changed over the past however many years and that's, and like, I just want to come here and show up for myself and release that from my

Kevin: body because I felt like I was hiding it.

It's not like I was, I felt like I was trying to be perfect and, and I was going to get to that place again before I showed up in that way. And I was like, I'm, I'm just gonna, I'm going to show up now. So yeah, how can we. I guess show up now for ourself. What does that look like heading into?

The end of the year here,

Steph: yeah, let's move on to our tips. This was a really good [00:54:00] discussion and we're already at an hour. We'll see how much of that you can cut.

Kevin: I got five minutes at this point, maybe from the beginning and, uh, before like we started up. But other than that, I don't know.

Steph: All right. So our tips for. Maintaining healthy rituals and routines when your schedule gets really busy, in particular around the holidays. The first thing I'm going to say, I added this kind of last minute, but really be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you're Wearing busyness as a badge of honor oh boy, that's a hard one because our society likes to, uh, I don't know,

it's like we're rewarded and praised for being exhausted and for being productive and being these like perfect little cogs in the capitalistic machine of, uh, [00:55:00] how our economy and everything runs and, what we I say this from experience and with so much love and compassion because I was that person. Uh, that was one of the first things I had to confront that was part of the perfectionism, this overachieving, high achieving, uh, type a kind of personality.

That was a lot of what I was drinking at. Uh, it was, alcohol. Having my wine at the end of the day, that was the only time I allowed myself to turn my brain off. It was my reward for the end of a busy, productive day. It was that was my only, the only opportunity I gave myself to simply be.

And so, before you start thinking, Oh, I'm so busy, whatever, like, are you really like, is this all really necessary? Are you trying to prove something to someone or to yourself? Like, probably, are you trying to prove that you are worthy or [00:56:00] that you are important or, you are already like inherently worthy or inherently lovable, just as you are, no matter how productive you are.

Is anyone thinking any less of me that I haven't done any work in like four or five weeks because of surgery and being sick and everything? Like, no, I don't think anyone cares. Right. But there was a time in my life when I would have felt like such a loser. Because I was so sick for so long. So I just ask that you, just take an honest look at yourself.

And if you are signing up for all of these things, these parties, these events, the, I don't know, volunteering or things with the kids or, uh, anything else, like, are you trying to prove something to someone or to yourself? Are you wearing that busy ness as a badge of honor?

Kevin: Yeah, I love that. Yeah, cause the thing I immediately [00:57:00] thought was, uh, I give everybody permission here to not send holiday cards this year.

People, people do like happy holidays and you get all these, but they're so like, Oh, you got to send them to this person. It was like, it's become such a thing. Maybe it's just like something we talk about or maybe people already don't do that. But we've kind of stopped doing that for a while.

It's just like, it's just that extra thing. It's just like, that's one just. Thing that total obligation and some people love it, right? If you love it, do it. If you, if it brings you joy to write a newsletter and send it to all your friends and family, cause you want to share that's phenomenal. Uh, if it's this chore that you hate with a passion, don't do it.

Like, and that's just one like example of not doing things just because. It's expected or, we feel the need to show up in a [00:58:00] certain way or do, do something. Right. Uh, I don't know. That's, it's probably a dumb example, but

Steph: no, it's a perfect example. Cause it's like, what's the spirit behind the thing.

Right. If, and like what you're describing is like the spirit behind sending out holiday cards can be like. Joyful for you, or it can come from the sense of obligation where no one cares either way. Like, I love getting holiday cards, but I don't notice if someone doesn't send me one either. Yeah,

Kevin: And yeah, and, and just, I mean, you're going to be dealing with a lot of, there's a lot of obligations around this time of year too, whether it's gift giving or.

Just, or, difficult times to where, memories that are tough. So how can you just focus on what's truly important? To you and not worry about obligation easier said than [00:59:00] done. And, yeah, there are things that we all that we're all going to do out of obligation, but I, I just say, challenge that just to see if it's, it's like, do I like doing this just to see, I mean, you still might do it and that's fine.

Nothing wrong with that, but can you do it in a way that you don't mind it or that you do like it? Otherwise, just, taking a look at it. But yeah. Busyness is a badge of honor is, is an easy one to slip into, uh, this time of year, for sure.

Steph: Yeah. So, and next, and that actually was a good segue is just be realistic about how much you can do. A lot of what we talked about this entire episode was on like, what works for you, like what your goal is, uh, how you want to build this into your routine. The truth is we can't do it all.

And part of. Being realistic is being radically honest about yourself and your, your limitations. [01:00:00] Like, I have a lot of energy limitations. I, not only am I, am I an introvert, but I struggle with chronic fatigue still. Like, it just hasn't really let up. It's a lot better than it was a couple of years ago.

Like, I'm no longer couch bound. I could talk about going to spin class and yoga and whatever. I can do those things, but I still struggle with chronic fatigue. So it's just not realistic for me to be overbooked ever. It, I might not, it might not lead to drinking, but it might lead to me getting sick again.

It'll compromise the immune system. And then it's like, if I don't. Proactively take the rest. My body will find a way to make me rest. And so just being realistic about what you can handle emotionally, physically, whatever And then, like Kevin said before, be realistic about what you like have to do, it's, and kind of questioning that, like, do you really have to make your bed every day?

Do you [01:01:00] really have to? I don't know, like, I like to, I like an organized space, but, if that's not something that bothers you, then maybe that's something that I don't even know why that came into my head.

Kevin: Make your bed everyone, uh, no, but yeah, yeah, exactly. Like what the have twos versus the one twos versus the shoulds and all that.

Uh, in yeah, do you have to, I think, oh, when we moved into. Into this house, uh, a couple of years ago, I made Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner from scratch myself. I wanted to do it all myself. I did things on the grill. I, I, I made a cake from scratch, like literal everything from scratch.

And I was interested in that, I was, I was into cooking that I was doing all this stuff. I haven't done it since, because I was like, I did that. That was good. All right, let's get some Bob Evans mashed potatoes next year. I'll put a, I'll put something on the grill [01:02:00] and, and let's just do it easy.

Like, but, but gauging that, and it goes back to, yeah, just being realistic that, you don't have to do that, uh, whatever it is. And being realistic too, I think, from the standpoint of how alcohol is showing up, being realistic about going into events, like doing that prevention plan ahead of time, or just that, that plan of action that you're, you're looking at what is, what's my goal here?

Uh, am I not drinking? Am I, am I cutting back and sticking with a target? How can I do that? Uh, how can I go into this and not drink, planning that out and coming up with that plan. But, coming up with that plan, a realistic plan, like saying, I'm going to go to, to this place, like a family gathering or a work event or, or something where it's going to be six hours long.

And I always drank there before, and I'm going to stay the whole time. Might not be the smartest thing, uh, having a plan to leave early, show [01:03:00] up late. Things like that, uh, that we've talked about in the past, like. Having that plan is and like I said being realistic about it is important.

Steph: Yeah, that's a really great point I don't know.

I didn't think about that. But yeah, I mean, can you realistically stick to your your goals surrounding your relationship with alcohol in these? In these circumstances, I always think of it from an energy standpoint like as soon as my energy is out the door That's when I want to drink. So like for me, not drinking has become a managing my energy exercise.

And like, and, and

Kevin: I am jumping ahead of myself, I think just from the standpoint of, we'll talk about this more in another episode closer, maybe for early. December I believe.

Steph: So I talked about this on one of my meetings, but identifying non negotiables. We're obviously talking a lot about routines, rituals, stuff like that. Some of the stuff is, What I would call like leveling up, right? Like leveling up your recovery, leveling up life, [01:04:00] taking like the next step to propel yourself forward.

When I think of non negotiables, those are like the basics that are like literally non negotiables, right? Like water and food. and a roof over our head. What are the must haves for you sticking to your goals around, uh, alcohol and taking care of yourself? And, for me, that's nature, rest, not being overbooked.

I don't have two social events, two days in a row. I might be able to do that with plenty of advance notice. And that would require a lot of preparation that would require, probably not hosting a meeting either of those days, like for energy reasons, like I would have to shift things around the stars would have to align for me to do two social or social events two days in a row.

So like those are some of my non negotiables like sleep, rest. And being really mindful of my social calendar. Like, those are the things that tell me I'm [01:05:00] taking care of myself. Those are the things that will minimize my desire to drink alcohol because I won't be overtaxed, I won't be tired, and I won't be oversocialized.

Oversocialized, always want to drink.

Kevin: Yeah, uh, I'd say for me it's, and that's a great point that you brought up about. But yeah, not being overtaxed, not being overbooked yeah, goes along with everything we've been saying as far as you know that that is going to be the biggest thing for you. Uh, if you let things overwhelm you without...

Putting them back in check. So, so planning for that. And that, that's probably mine is like, I think back to, my first holiday season going into it and it was, I was, didn't know what the hell I was doing. So, I was using a therapist, uh, as part of my main main tool, uh, to work through this.

And [01:06:00] so, regular check ins.

But you know, I was kind of just figuring this all out as we went and I just remember doing like back to back to back three days in a row. It was three or two or three days in a row with holiday parties for work. And it, uh, I got to that. It was like on a Wednesday and a Thursday. And I think I was off Friday.

And I slept like all day. Like I was like, Holy shit. I didn't realize the amount of mental drain that was going to happen from that. And. And that obviously kicked off like, okay, I need to watch that in the future. But then also I think for me, it was staying connected with my people. Whether that was a friend on Instagram, whether that was my therapist, whether that was my wife, I had to, I say, raise my hand.

When I have a problem, not just keep it all to myself, I had to raise my hand and say like, okay, I[01:07:00] because yeah, I, once I got into December of that year, I was like, Oh, I was already at the beginning of December thinking like, okay, and just go into her mom's for new year's. I'm like, that's a perfect time for me to, uh, to drink.

And I sat with it for a while. And then I finally just told my therapist and told Ange and I'm like, Yeah, but by saying it, by telling someone else, getting it out there and talking it through, I was able to kind of calm myself and cause it was, it was the overwhelm of it all. And then I worked on, finding tools to rest and help with that.

And I'd say the second year it would have been just planning because I feel like at some point I, I kept telling myself, I'm like, don't be overconfident. Don't be overconfident. Because, I was just didn't want to get tripped up. And so I was kind of cautious of that. So planning, I think ahead is [01:08:00] my number one thing now, just assessing the situation and right now it could be easy.

Like, I don't have to put much thought into that. But I assess the situation, see if there's anything that's potentially. An issue for me and then go move on from there. But that comes with years of working on that, I guess.

Steph: Yeah. Yeah. Something I, I like to do, I mean, in Greenville here, at least, like we have a lot of fall or like fall markets and holiday theme markets and stuff like that, cause we have nice weather mostly around.

So like, instead of saying yes to like all the holiday parties and stuff like that, a lot of times. I'll decline that, but I'll get a group of, a group of girlfriends together to go to these holiday markets and we'll get like coffee and then we'll walk around. I'll do some holiday shopping and then maybe we have lunch afterward.

And like, that's a great, like I have great energy during the day and [01:09:00] it peters out at night. It gets me in. It tackles, like holiday shopping while spent, like, doing social time with people outside. Like, it buckets all of these things together, and I don't feel bad about... Missing their holiday party.

Cause I'm getting this great, like one on one, one on three time, with people that I really want to spend time with, or it at least makes me feel better about, maybe going to the party, but just showing up for like an hour and then leaving or something like that. So I don't know. It's like getting creative like that.

And a lot of this confidence just came from being further removed from alcohol too. Like, I think when I was drinking, I, all of that people pleasing and stuff like. You just think you're a little bit more important than you really are. Like, you're not making or breaking the holiday party. Uh, most people won't notice.

And like leaving early, no one really cares. Like, you just kind of realize that it's not [01:10:00] as big of a deal as we think it is. But, that's been a really nice compromise for, for me. Making, like realizing that I can't do it all and... With my non negotiables being that, not being overbooked.

Like I find that getting creative, spending time with people has been really effective for me. So, all right, let's breeze through these lightning round, lightning rounds. So next thing, no, you don't have to do it all. That one's obvious. Everything we've talked about, right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You can't do it all, nor do you have to.

And then we already talked about this quite a bit, but escaping the all or nothing mindset and realizing this is more kind of health focused or even just habit goal focused, but our health and even our life, our goals. Everything like that. It's all the accumulation of our, these behaviors over time, like [01:11:00] no one day, one week, one month is going to make or break you, your health, anything.

I'm not saying that to give you permission to go and drink. I'm just saying when you're thinking all of these goals outside and when you're thinking about, Like these rituals and stuff, like maybe you can't do your full morning ritual or your full evening ritual, whatever you build for yourself, but can you do five minutes, 10 minutes can you be mindful with that and just doing your best and, moving your body, getting some sleep, drinking your water.

Eating a few vegetables, it's like it doesn't have to be overly complicated.

Kevin: Yeah, and the way I like to kind of tell myself now, if I kind of go down that thing of like, I've been doing this for this period of time, like, why isn't, I'm on day 24 of 75 hard. I'm on day 1600 some. Of, uh, not having a drink, [01:12:00]but really I'm on day like 15, 000 plus of Kevin, like my life.

And I kind of like, look at it that way. Like it's been 50, I haven't been doing this for 1600 days or, or 24 days. I've been doing this for 15, 000 plus days. I looked up the, I did the number before in the spreadsheet a couple of weeks ago. And I think it's somewhere around there, but 15, 000 plus days have formed these habits that I have right now.

So if I want to change them. I just got to, start small like I built them up over all those days. I don't know. That's just different perspective maybe that I wanted to throw out there.

Steph: Oh, I love that. And I love a good spreadsheet.

Kevin: I'll, I'll, I'll do it right now. I'll figure it out the days, but go ahead.

Steph: And then lastly, uh, ask for help. Kevin talked about how he wanted to host Thanksgiving and Christmas and do everything from scratch or whatever. We're big fans of, [01:13:00] uh, of having our friends and family pitch in when we host. So we're proper hosting the Pumpkinpalooza, but normally on game nights, we we'll like pick a theme or something and I'll say, okay, I'll have, uh, X, Y, and Z can.

You can you guys work out among you like bringing, A, B and C to round us out or whatever, just find ways to simplify your life. It doesn't have to be perfect, like use disposable dishes, order like meal delivery service for a few weeks, pay for someone else to wrap gifts, hire someone to clean your house, order dessert from a local bakery, like all of these things I mean, like, it's okay, it's okay.

And I always talk about, one of my favorite things to spend my non drinking money on is the person to clean my house. We're becoming friends with them, and I'm supporting, a local business, and promoting, Look like stimulating local economy [01:14:00] and it's removing something from my plate that I really don't want to do and I don't want to argue with my husband about it.

It's win win win. Just ask for help. You're not weak or, you're not a loser for asking for help. Like it does take a village, doesn't it? Like We're, we're intended to be in, in community and tribe. Because nobody ever does

Kevin: anything. I mean, I always just kind of go back to that, even if that's how we feel because I cleaned my whole house and I did all this, but you had other people like helping you in other spots so that you could do that.

Like, I don't know. It's, I don't know. Right. It's not about that, but it's, it's just, there's no reason to do. Things alone. And I don't mean run out and get all the, those things. We can't do that. Right. I mean, we have to make sure that it works for us, but just the help aspect, say with alcohol, right.

There's no reason to just be like, I'm going to do this by [01:15:00] myself and all that. Like, no, jump on Instagram, jump on, reframe, go to the forum, go to a meeting, see what it's about. Yeah, absolutely. Ask for,

Steph: that's all ego. Like just like you talk like that's been like a little reoccurring theme in what you've shared with us today to just having your ego wrapped up in it and like, realizing I do have to like sometimes come to the table and raise my hand and ask for help or whatever.

It can like for alcohol, like that rings true. And for just regular life stuff that rings true.

Kevin: Yeah, I mean, and that, that whole what that you're, you're talking to ask for help, that's changed my life. I'll say that. How about a ringing endorsement for asking for help? It's literally changed my life because before that, whether with alcohol or other stuff, I'd be like, I'll do this by myself.

I'm going to do sober October. I'm going to stop this month. I'm going to do this. I'm going to cut back. I'm going to, and. Yeah, it might work for a little bit, but then it didn't and, it wasn't [01:16:00] until I'm like, I have to do things differently and I need someone to guide me a little bit on how to do that or give me another idea or give me what I needed, truly accountability for it.

So.

Steph: Let's kind of, it's like we, we're not going to get into this, but it is a societal thing, like here in the States. And, it's just like. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. It's like hyper individualistic, hyper independent. Like it's, we talk about that, the airplane analogy, like put your mask on first, whatever.

And it's like, well, if the whole plane is going down, it doesn't really matter. Right. So like the collective is super duper important. And we're just encouraging, like reach out to that collective, build that collective, build that community. And lean on your people.

Kevin: Yep. And, and for the record, I'm, I'm on day 16, 097.

So [01:17:00] that's what day I'm on.

Steph: Well then I'm going to look up when your birthday was, when we're done.

Kevin: It was just last month. So

Steph: I know I was, I don't know the year. Okay, so let's close this out an hour and a half later. We'll move on to the tip of the week. So I'll give you one tip that you can take action on this week to move your life forward and what I'm going to suggest is identify your non negotiables.

And schedule them in as you would any other appointment. So, talked about the non negotiables, we talk about them a lot. So, I want you to book them as if they were any other really important appointment. So, talked a lot about rest with that, rest movement. Uh, all of those things that, As Kevin would say that, like, demonstrate to you that you're showing up for yourself.

Kevin: Yeah. Showing up for yourself. Uh, just trying to think of something I said recently in a meeting, but basically [01:18:00] being Like non negotiables, it's like a big scary word sometimes, right? Like, cause what happens if you don't do your non negotiable, then it's negotiable, right?

And that's where showing up, that's where showing up in. Whatever way, based on your energy that day, I think is important. Like having a non negotiable, but being flexible within the non negotiable, uh, to account for that, because I think it's more important to be. It doesn't have to be every day, but be consistent with something that's important to you in a small way versus trying to, versus being inconsistent in a big way versus showing up for that thing.

So I think, just to, to add two cents in there, that's what I would think.

Steph: Yeah. I mean, your non negotiable could be like checking in with yourself every few hours throughout the day to see how, like literally how you're [01:19:00] doing, like, Actually asking yourself, how am I right now? Am I stressed?

If I'm stressed, what can I do to deal with that? Like, maybe that's, you're only non negotiable, right? Is just like, that's one of the best ways to show up for yourself. And that can be done with a simple

Kevin: reminder or reminder or alarm on your phone, or if you have a watch that taps you every once in a while, do you know?

Use that. All right.

Steph: Yeah. All right. Let's wrap it up, Kev.

Kevin: Yeah. Thanks everyone for listening to this week's episode of the Reframeable podcast brought to you by the Reframe app. Reframe is the number one app on both Android and iOS to help you cut back or quit drinking alcohol. It uses neuroscience to reframe your relationship with alcohol and unlock the healthiest, happiest you.

If you're enjoying this podcast, please like subscribe and share with those that you feel may benefit from it. If you have a topic and you'd like us to cover it on the podcast, send an email [01:20:00] to podcast at reframe app. com. Or if you're on the reframe app, open it up. Give it, give your phone a shake and, uh, once the box pops up, ask a question and let us know, what yours is.

I want to thank you again for listening and be sure to come back next week for another episode and have a great day.

Bye.