What Is the Most Important Thing in AA?

It started out as harmless fun. Parties on the weekend, trivia night with a pitcher of beer on Thursdays with some pals from work, wine with dinner. Somehow the amount you drank kept increasing until you found yourself downing more than you set out to on a regular basis. The exact amount doesn’t matter. Whether you got to the point where you had to throw back a couple of beers in the morning just to stop the shakes or you found yourself waking up at 3 a.m. in a cold sweat, trying to piece the previous night together and making damage control plans, one thing is clear: alcohol has taken up way more real estate in your life than you’d like — and you’re ready to do something about it.

This realization, in turn, is what the First Step of AA — also considered the most important aspect of the program — is all about. But while there’s value in facing our demons head-on and being honest about our relationship with booze, the way the First Step is presented has some serious drawbacks. Let’s dig deeper into the First Step, AA’s take on it, and a “reframed” version that’s a bit more science-based and optimistic.

AA: A (Very) Brief Introduction

First things first: what is Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)? And what are the Steps? AA is the brainchild of Bill Wilson, a stockbroker who nearly lost his life to booze before a spontaneous recovery. It’s a fellowship of people who found themselves in the grip of what we now call alcohol use disorder (AUD). The idea is simple: like-minded people coming together to help each other by sharing stories, offering advice, and working through the “12 Steps.” The Steps serve as recovery instructions, steering people onto the path of sobriety and productive living by cleaning up the aftermath booze left in their own lives and helping others in the same boat. 

Some swear by it, some can’t stomach its less-than-scientific claims (go figure — it was started nearly a century ago), and others fall somewhere in between. For a closer look, check out “How Does Alcoholics Anonymous Work?” For now, let’s focus on the First Step, AA’s take on it, and what might be a more palatable (and science-based) version.

What Is the First Step of AA?

So what is this famous First Step? Here goes: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable.” In other words, the First Step is admitting that booze got the better of us, as well as acknowledging the fact that our lives became a mess as a result. 

What that mess looks like depends on the person. Some of us might be walking into the meeting having been court-ordered to do so after our last DUI. Others might be “functional,” taking swigs of vodka from a coffee thermos between Zoom conferences and PTA meetings. The only requirement, as the AA Preamble says, is the desire to stop drinking.

Into the Pitcher Plant

There’s a useful image that illustrates the power alcohol can have over us, and how the First Step can help. It’s the carnivorous “pitcher plant” analogy that addiction specialist Allen Carr describes in The Easy Way To Control Alcohol. Here’s the gist:

• The bait. An enticing meat-eating plant draws in prey with the promise of nectar. In a similar way, those first few (or first few hundred) drinks promise us a good time, a well-deserved break, and anything else our heart desires. And the fact that advertising sends the message that we’re more likely to end up on a yacht with a swimsuit model if we drink a certain brand of beer doesn’t help.
• The slow slide. Just like the fly in the Venus flytrap, we keep the drinks flowing, thinking we’re in control, all the while teetering on the edge of danger. The fly basks in the sweet nectar of the plant, all the while sliding down deeper. Relishing what it thinks is a delicious meal, the fly doesn’t realize it’s actually on the menu. Similarly, this is where the First Step — admitting that we’re powerless over alcohol — comes in.
• The trap. By the time the fly realizes it’s trapped, it’s toast — literally. It’s too late to get out, and its fate is sealed. It gets digested by the plant, becoming the very nectar used to entice the next batch of helpless victims destined to become tomorrow’s dinner. Similarly, if we’re not careful, we can find ourselves in danger of being “consumed” by our own beverage of choice. As the saying goes, “First we take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes us.” Yikes!

Luckily, however, there’s light at the end of the tunnel for us. While we might indeed feel like we’re hopelessly stuck, this is where our paths diverge from those of the doomed bugs. We can get out, and it starts with that famous First Step.

Why Is the First Step Important?

The First Step of AA lays the foundation for the whole program. 

It puts us in “honesty mode.” If we’ve been struggling for a while, it’s likely that we’ve been less than honest about our daily dealings with others (and, even worse, with ourselves). What started out as a few “white lies” might have morphed into full-blown deception. The First Step, in turn, creates an opportunity to interrupt the cycle of lies and broken promises.

It’s about letting go of control. Releasing control is another key component of the AA program, which is echoed in the Serenity Prayer: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

In a way, the First Step (which is usually read at the beginning of an AA meeting) and the Serenity Prayer (the traditional closing) create a “bookend” structure around the meeting. Both are about accepting reality while taking an active step toward change.

The Science Behind the Step

The powerlessness at the heart of the First Step might appear baffling to the outside observer. “Why don’t they just stop?” is a question that keeps our loved ones awake at night as they witness our descent into the “pitcher.” In fact, it’s the same question that probably keeps us up as well. Why in the world are we powerless to stop what looks like voluntary behavior?

• The truth is, there’s science behind this powerlessness and the unmanageable havoc it wreaks. Alcohol’s effect on the brain is now much less of a mystery than it was in the past. For a deep dive, check out “Understanding Alcohol Dependence: Health Issues, Causes, and How To Overcome.” For now, here’s an overview:
• Alcohol tweaks our neurotransmitter levels. The secret behind alcohol’s allure? It’s all about dopamine — the reward neurochemical that gives us that pleasant buzz and keeps us coming back for more. In addition to increasing its levels in the brain, alcohol also boosts GABA (an inhibitory neurotransmitter) and lowers glutamate (its excitatory counterpart). Unfortunately, what goes up must come down — and then some. After basking in the brief period of pleasant relaxation, we’re likely to experience rebound anxiety and depression.
• Over time, these shifts lead to dependence. The brain gets used to the “new normal” and comes to expect alcohol’s effects. As time goes on, there’s not much “reward” or relaxation to speak of — we find ourselves drinking just to feel okay.
• Withdrawal and cravings keep the cycle going. We find that if we stop drinking, our brain chemistry goes haywire, leading to symptoms that can range from unease and restlessness to intense nausea, seizures, and delirium tremens (DTs). Plus, intense cravings for booze make it all but impossible to keep the cycle going. What a mess!

The First Step, in turn, is calling out this mess for what it is. We’re stuck between a rock and a hard place: wanting something and yet wishing we didn’t want it at the same time. Unmanageable indeed.

Reframing the First Step: A Non-AA Version

That said, the way the First Step is phrased misses a critical component — one that’s also backed by science. Understanding how the brain responds to alcohol gives us the tools to reclaim our own power on our own terms. The result? We break free from the trap and are no longer dependent on booze (or, for that matter, on AA). Instead of dwelling on our “powerlessness,” we focus on the power we have to rewire our own brain. 

The Power of Neuroplasticity

How can we make this magic happen? The answer lies in neuro-plasticity — the brain’s ability to change and adapt. There’s a beautiful symmetry here: the very thing that got us into the alcohol trap — our brain adjusting to the presence of alcohol — can also help get us out. 

According to research, simply staying away from booze begins the process of rewiring the brain. The longer we abstain, the easier it gets, as new neural circuits get established. It’s a bit like creating a ski track in the snow: the first go is the hardest, but before we know it we’re gliding along almost effortlessly. It’s important to note, however, that for those of us who struggled with AUD in the past, drinking again isn’t a good idea. History can — and often does — repeat itself.

There’s a saying that illustrates this concept: “Neurons that fire together wire together.” In other words, the more we repeat a certain behavior, the stronger the connection between all of its constituent parts — in this case, the way we react to and behave around booze.

Scientists at MIT demonstrated this process in action and even found a key protein (called Arc) that serves as a neurochemical trigger to get neighboring neurons to sync up. The lead author compares this uncanny ability to “a massive school of fish [that] can suddenly change direction, en masse, so long as the lead fish turns and every other fish obeys the simple rule of following the fish right in front of it.” 

Thanks to the power of neuroplasticity, the physical part of recovery kicks off as soon as we set down the glass, bottle, or coffee thermos we stash our booze in. Our brain adjusts to the “new” new normal: soon enough we’re no longer physically dependent, our dopamine levels begin to get restored, and our mood starts to lift. Hooray! We might still feel some emotional dependence on it, but that’s about to change, too.

It Keeps Getting Better

Here’s the best news: in addition to recovering physically, we can actually be happy about it. The more we see through the illusion of pleasure alcohol created through its chemical shenanigans in our brain, the more our desire for it fades away.

This is what cognitive behavioral therapy is all about: uncovering our subconscious beliefs about alcohol and reframing these cognitive distortions in a way that changes how we feel about drinking. 

For example, maybe you think you need booze to socialize. Okay, let’s look at the evidence. Were we able to have fun at social events before we drank? Of course — just think of the booze-free fun you had as a child running around the playground, feeding pigeons in the park, or building pillow forts in the living room. Now, think about all those embarrassing late-night phone calls, hangovers that made you cancel plans, and morning-after regrets. Chances are, they didn’t do much for your social life.

Decoding Dopamine

Moreover, by understanding alcohol’s effects on dopamine, we can finally understand why we kept drinking in the first place against our own better judgment (and, seemingly, even against our will). As Annie Grace explains in This Naked Mind, 

“It’s important to understand the difference between wanting and liking. When I was in the deepest levels of my addiction, the cravings were overwhelming to the point where I felt I was no longer in control. Yet the pleasure I got from drinking was practically nonexistent.”

In other words, our intense desire for booze was driven by our brain running on autopilot, demanding that we continue doing what we’ve done before. It’s no accident that dopamine is involved in the process of learning — we’re naturally driven to repeat what we’ve done before, even if the dopamine hit we get from it is barely enough to return us to baseline.

The result of this insight is nothing short of a (scientific) miracle. As Grace goes on to say:

“When you completely change your mental (conscious and unconscious) perspective on alcohol, you begin to see the truth about drinking. When this happens, no willpower is required, and it becomes a joy not to drink.”

Interestingly, AA can actually foster this shift to some extent, but doesn’t give science any credit for it. People who keep going to meetings while helping others in the same boat really do start feeling better — often to the point that they no longer crave alcohol. However, what’s most likely happening is they’re seeing through the illusion alcohol created. 

Hearing others’ stories, examining our own, and watching enough newcomers walk (or stumble) through the doors to take their own First Step adds up to a mountain of undeniable evidence that drinking too much doesn’t end well. In fact, the AA saying that “the newcomer is the most important person in any meeting” has a double meaning. Yes, it’s about helping those who need it the most. But it’s also about remembering that we don’t want to end up in their shoes again.

Moreover, the very act of helping others also plays a key role. Science says that authentic interactions and a genuine effort to help those around us is a natural way to boost “happy” neurochemicals such as dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. In fact, it’s one of the best “natural highs”! 

Taking the First Step (Even If AA Isn’t for You)

So how do we go about taking the First Step of AA (or its “reframed” version)? It’s actually easier than we might think. In fact, chances are, if we’re walking through the doors of that church basement — or even reading about it in order to find guidance for our current situation — we’ve already taken it. And even if we decide not to go to AA, just being mindful about wanting to change can set us up for success. As Ann Voskamp writes in One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, “Sometimes you don’t know when you’re taking the First Step through a door until you’re already inside.”

Once we’ve made a decision, there are many ways we can build a booze-free life. This is the fun part — the sky’s the limit, and there’s so much to look forward to! Therapy, other support groups, and apps such as Reframe are all great ways to make lasting shifts in our relationship with alcohol. It’s all about understanding our own mind to put booze in the background and focus our energy on finding new sources of joy and becoming happier, healthier versions of ourselves.