What Is A Sober Living Home And What To Expect

You step outside after 30 days in alcohol rehab, squinting into the sun. Once your suitcase clears the threshold, the door swings shut behind you. Now what?

That’s the question you’ve been avoiding for the past week. In rehab, your days were structured. The facility was supervised. There was no way to fall off the wagon.

But now you’re going back to where it all began, and your mind swirls with what-ifs. What if your boss asks you to take that big client out for cocktails? Or, worse, what if your friends try to buy you shots? What if you can’t resist the wine aisle, the liquor store, or your favorite bar? What if you drink that beer you left in the fridge?

If those anxieties feel familiar, you may want to strengthen your resolve with a few weeks in a sober living home. Let’s take a look at what that means and how these facilities can help.

What Is Sober Living?

What is sober living, anyway? It’s a “step-down” level of care for those of us who have completed inpatient or outpatient rehab programs. This form of recovery housing is designed to help us balance accountability and independence. We pay rent to the sober home and stay as long as we desire. In return, we gain access to recovery resources and a built-in support network.

The History of Sober Living Homes

Sober living homes can be traced back to the 1940s. During this time, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) chapters founded the first peer-based sober houses as an alternative to halfway houses and other transitional residences.. These “12-Step residences” were especially helpful for those whose drinking resulted in eviction or estrangement.

Leveraging low-cost housing in dense urban areas, experienced AA members created safe spaces for those in the early phases of recovery. Their house rules remain common in sober living facilities today and include the following:


• Abstaining from alcohol
• Participating in AA
• Fitting into the neighborhood
• Paying rent on time
• Attending house meetings
• Caring for the property
• Supporting other residents

Who Goes to Sober Living?

Because they offer substance-free settings for early recovery, sober living houses have gained popularity among certain groups. Residents usually include those of us who fit any of the following descriptions: 

• Have finished an inpatient or outpatient treatment program
• Would like to live in a sober setting while going to outpatient treatment
• Have gone to treatment multiple times
• Need a temptation-free, high-accountability place to stay when returning to work
• Have recently relapsed
• Want communal support before going home
• Have unsupportive families who undermine their sobriety
• Would benefit from a structured environment in early recovery
• Have not completed a formal treatment program but would like support after getting sober alone

Does Sober Living Work?

Sober living can be an effective tool. Researchers call it “an underutilized modality” and believe it shows promise. Generally, the longer you stay involved in recovery programming, the better your outcomes will be.

This step-down approach fills an urgent need in the recovery community and provides a crucial source of social support — one of the pillars of successful recovery.

Understanding Step-Down Care 

Still wondering “What is a sober living house?” Let’s simplify it a little more.

If recovery were a video game, rehab and sober living would look a lot like this:


• Rehab: The Tutorial. Inpatient and outpatient programs work because they keep us busy and focused on our sobriety. They’re a lot like the tutorial level in a video game. When you’re in rehab for 30 days, someone’s always there to tell you what to do next. You’ll enjoy clear requirements, road maps, and educational seminars. When the program ends, however, you probably wouldn’t want to jump straight into the final boss battle. That’s where sober living comes in.

• Sober living: Level One. So, what is a sober house for? When we leave a highly structured inpatient setting, we’re especially vulnerable to relapse. We need time to internalize rehab’s lessons without getting in over our head. In that way, sober living is a lot like the easy level that immediately follows a tutorial. The stakes are real, but you’ve got some help. For the most part, you’re free to work through scenarios on your own. If you need an on-screen tip, your peers are there for you.

Sober Living Homes: Pros and Cons

Like any treatment option, sober living houses have plenty of benefits and drawbacks. Let’s explore further.

Pros

Sober living comes with a host of benefits, including relapse prevention, peer support, independence, recovery resources, supervision, and a gradual transition back to the real world.

• Relapse prevention. Relapse happens. Those of us seeking treatment after a relapse are likely candidates for sober living programs.
• Peer support. With other program participants, we can unpack our stressors, challenges, and triggers. They’ll hold us accountable when we want to drink.
• Independence. We’ve got more latitude to make our own decisions, go to work, and explore early recovery in a sober living facility than in an inpatient program.
• Recovery resources. Some recovery residences offer services like therapy, group counseling, 12-Step meetings, and life skills education.
• Supervision. Thanks to always-on-duty house managers, sober living homes provide more oversight than we would have at home. Sometimes, that deterrent is all we need to stay sober.
• A slower transition. At a sober house, we have time to breathe before getting back to the chaos of our daily life. We can slowly acclimate to our responsibilities at work and home.

Cons

The cons of sober living include time commitment, cost, availability, privacy, and a lack of government oversight.

• Time. Like any treatment option, sober living homes require us to spend time away from loved ones.
• Cost. They also come with a hefty price tag, ranging from hundreds to thousands of dollars per month — although they’re generally more affordable than other levels of care. Unfortunately, most insurance companies do not cover sober living.
• Availability. The average sober living home can accommodate between eight and 14 people. Securing a spot may require some planning before discharge from another program.
• Privacy. Exceptionally private people may balk at sharing rooms and common spaces, especially after weeks in an inpatient facility. Researching residences can provide an accurate picture of how much privacy to expect.
• Government oversight. Because supportive housing does not qualify as treatment, programs are not formally monitored by state or federal officials.

What To Expect at a Sober Living House

Sober living varies on a home-by-home basis. Each program has its own accommodations, house rules, and resources. Let’s get a better idea of what to expect.

Accommodations

Whether you’re looking for a sleepy suburban townhome or a towering urban high-rise, you can find sober housing in any form you like. Because these residences are privately owned, each offers something different in terms of its layout and amenities. Check out providers’ websites and ask around to determine whether a local home is right for you.

Sober Living House Rules

Nearly all sober living homes require you to sign a code of conduct. This document includes community expectations about sobriety, treatment compliance, and AA involvement. Each recovery house has its own rulebook and may require you to comply with policies about the following.

• Curfew
• Drug testing
• Visitors
• Employment
• Conflict resolution
• Chores
• Weapons
• Romantic relationships
• Respect
• Community service
• Smoking
• Taking medication
• Gambling

Resources

When addiction treatment centers operate sober living homes, such resources as individual therapy, group counseling, and educational seminars may be available. Some homes offer services like career coaching while others emphasize real-world life skills like cooking, cleaning, and budgeting.

If you’re hoping for specific programs, amenities, or policies, contact a few providers before committing to a specific sober living facility.

Quiz: Do I Need Sober Living?  

Ready to determine whether sober living could be a beneficial next step in your alcohol journey? Answer these 10 questions honestly.

1. Have you recently completed an addiction treatment program?
2. Do you worry about how you’ll stay sober on your own?
3. Have you tried (and failed) to stop drinking before?
4. Do you respond well to structure but have a hard time making your own routine?
5. Could you benefit from career coaching?
6. Is it difficult to take care of yourself (to eat well, get enough sleep, etc.)?
7. Do you struggle with feelings of loneliness and low motivation?
8. Are people in your home unsupportive of your new relationship with alcohol?
9. Would you like to acquire new life skills like budgeting, cooking, and cleaning?
10. Do you wish someone else knew what you were going through?

If you answered “yes” to five or more prompts, it may be time to consider a recovery housing program. Alternatively, you may enjoy the on-the-go peer support available through Reframe, which offers a 24/7 anonymous forum, 1-on-1 coaching, daily Zoom check-ins, and challenges to complete alongside your peers.

Stop Drinking on Your Own Terms

Let’s go back to that sunny day: the closing door behind you, the world ahead. If you’re searching for somewhere to go after rehab, sober living might be the high-accountability housing you need. That’s especially true if you’ve relapsed before (or if your family doesn’t support your sobriety). Recovery residences offer supervision, routine, and independence to those in the earliest phases of sobriety. If you’d rather carry peer support and recovery resources in your pocket, consider Reframe. Visit the App Store or Google Play for more information.