Uncomfortable but Healthy Questions To Ask Yourself About Your Drinking Habits

In the wise words of Albert Einstein, “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence.” And while some questions lead to scientific discoveries or expand our knowledge about the world, others help us turn inward, shedding light on our own habits, thinking patterns, and features of our emotional landscape.

This is also when things can get a bit uncomfortable — especially when the questions have to do with our drinking habits and the answers make it clear that changes are in order. Still, there’s great value in asking yourself uncomfortable but important questions about your drinking habits. After all, the stakes are as high as they can get: your physical health, personality, emotions, relationships, and life goals all feel the impact of booze.

So let’s step back and reflect on this tricky subject together, approaching it with curiosity rather than judgment. You might just find that leaving your comfort zone to reevaluate your relationship with alcohol pays off big time as you find yourself getting inspired to unlock levels of health, vitality, and joy!

Your Drinking Habits: Digging Deeper

"We do not learn from experience ... we learn from reflecting on experience." — John Dewey

Being honest about our drinking habits with others — and, even more importantly, with ourselves — can be difficult. Booze has the reputation of being a “truth serum” when we drink, but it doesn’t help us call out the truth about our relationship with alcohol itself. (Did you know that one in five Americans lies to their doctor about their drinking habits? It’s true — check out our blog to find out more!)

That said, it’s important to stay judgment-free during this exercise. Even if it turns out that changes are in order, recognizing this fact is a positive step to a healthier life!

1. How Much Am I (Actually) Drinking?

Maybe it’s those “bottomless” mimosas at brunch or the extra-large wine glasses at dinner. Maybe it’s the fact that our mind gets cloudy after that first drink. Or maybe we just don’t want to admit the actual number to ourselves. Whatever the reason is, it’s easy to lose track of just how many drinks we’re downing on a regular basis. But the question is important!

Start by tracking your drinks (Reframe’s tracking features make it easier than ever!). Don’t be surprised if the actual number turns out to be higher than you thought — the gradual increase over time (as well as throughout the night) can easily slip under the radar. Plus, it’s important to keep in mind what “one drink” actually is — those restaurant wine glasses often hold way more! And there’s science behind it: alcohol messes with our brain chemistry by boosting the reward neurotransmitter dopamine, which is responsible for that brief burst of euphoria we might feel after a few sips. Over time, our brain comes to expect this rush and puts the brakes on natural dopamine production. The result? A rising tolerance for booze: it takes more to achieve the same effects, and activities that boost dopamine naturally — such as socializing or working on a creative project — begin to lose their “oomph.” 

After you have an idea of what your patterns are, it’s time to do some assessment. According to the Dietary Guidelines for Americans 2020-2025, moderate drinking falls in the range of one or fewer per day for women and two or fewer for men. Anything over four per day for women and over five for men, in turn, is considered heavy drinking.

Tip: Remember what we said about putting judgment aside? It’s more important than ever when it comes to making an honest assessment. Imagine you’re a scientist taking lab notes and don’t judge yourself no matter what you happen to find. Once you have the information, the power is in your hands: you can decide if it’s time to cut back, take a break, or give alcohol the boot altogether (more on that later!).

2. How Do I (Actually) Feel When I Drink — and Afterwards?

Alcohol gets credit for all sorts of things in our culture: we might see it as “social glue,” turn to it for relaxation, or pour ourselves a drink in the evening as a nightcap. But does alcohol actually deliver on these promises? 

If we’re really honest with ourselves, you might find that it doesn’t even come close. While it might lower our inhibitions and give us an initial rush by boosting dopamine, how long does this feeling really last? Chances are within 20 minutes or so it morphs into a foggy drowsiness, dulling our sensations and maybe even causing us to doze off before the last “dun-dun” of that Law and Order episode or right in the middle of that “great conversation” that suddenly loses its spark. That said, we’re often in for a rude awakening when it comes to dozing off. While we may fall asleep initially, alcohol disrupts our sleep in the second half of the night, causing frequent awakenings and robbing us of the restorative REM stages.

In addition to exploring how booze actually affects you while you’re drinking, check in with your mind and body the morning after. Are you feeling foggy? Are morning-after hangovers becoming a regular thing? Are you noticing signs of alcohol-related health problems, such as memory glitches, heart palpitations, blood pressure spikes, weight gain, muscle aches, or blurry vision? Are those sick days starting to add up, signaling that your immune system is struggling? All of these health concerns might lead directly back to booze.

Tip: Keep a daily journal to track your physical symptoms and mood, whether or not it’s a drinking night. (The Reframe app even has a stress and mood tracker!) Be as accurate as you can when noting how you felt at different parts of the day throughout the week to see what patterns emerge.

3. Do I Find It Hard To Stick to My Limits?

If someone suggests we’re losing control over our drinking, our first response might be to fire back by saying, “No way! I can stop if I want to.” But the crucial question is, can we? If we’ve never tried to set limits on how much we drink, it’s easy to slip into the illusion that we’re still in the driver’s seat.

It’s time to see who’s actually steering the ship: you or the drink in your glass. On a drinking night, decide ahead of time where the cutoff is and try to stick to the limit. Write it down somewhere accessible and set a phone or watch reminder to make it impossible to forget or fudge, whether accidentally or on purpose. 

Having an accountability buddy can take this exercise to the next level. It’s all too easy to tell yourself that you simply “changed your mind” about the number of drinks you’re planning to have once the night is in motion, the music is thumping, and the (third) pitcher is on the table. But if you’ve already shared it with someone else, there’s no “rewriting history.”

Tip: The Reframe app has a comprehensive tracking feature that allows you to set drink targets for yourself. We’ll send you timely reminders and check in to see if you were able to stick to your goals, suggest new targets, and provide encouragement and science-backed advice if you get off track.

4. Does My Personality Change When I Drink?

Do you have a friend who changes completely when alcohol is in the picture? Maybe their personality takes such a deep nosedive that they almost seem like a new person — let’s call them “Timmy.” Chances are you probably met some people whose inner “Timmy” comes out when they’re drunk. The dopamine boost and loosened inhibitions might make us feel social initially, but over time booze is notorious for throwing our mood off balance, leading to angry outbursts, crying spells, and impulsive actions — sometimes to the point of making us unrecognizable.

It’s now time to do some soul searching: do you have an inner “Timmy” of your own? How does your personality change when you’re drinking? Is alcohol making it harder to say and do things that align with your authentic values and beliefs?

Tip: It can be hard to see yourself from an outsider’s perspective — especially when booze is involved — so a heart-to-heart conversation with a trusted friend or family member might be in order. Ask them for their honest opinion and be open to hearing what they have to say, even if the reality check is hard to stomach at first.

5. Do I Do Things I Regret When I Drink?

Many of us know the feeling all too well: that pit-of-your-stomach “ugh” we wake up with after a boozy night. Part of it has to do with brain chemistry — the “hangxiety” we feel when the brain tries to counteract the boost of dopamine and GABA by releasing dynorphin, a chemical that leaves us feeling on edge and impairs brain function.

However, there’s often more substance to those morning-after regrets. Given how our personality changes when alcohol is in the picture, it’s not surprising that we end up actually doing and saying things we wish we could take back.

Maybe it’s that embarrassing message you sent to your ex, a regrettable Facebook post (“posting under the influence” happens more often than you might think), or something even more serious, such as a drunk driving accident. No matter what type of messes you find yourself cleaning up on a regular basis, it’s time to ask yourself: do I regret things that I do when I drink?

Tip: Get in the habit of writing down any booze-related regrets you might wake up to, as well as what you can do to set things right. Putting your thoughts on paper taps into the power of neuroscience: it activates the prefrontal cortex and allows you to face the situation objectively, do what you can to resolve it, and then let it go.

6. Does Drinking Hold Me Back?

We’ve touched on how booze isn’t quite the “social glue” or relaxation aid our culture would have us believe. But the problem goes even deeper. Not only does alcohol not deliver on the short-term “benefits” it promises us, but drinking can actually derail our efforts on a larger scale, setting us back when it comes to going after our life goals.

From losing touch with friends who don’t want to hang out with our “inner Timmy” to bombing an important job interview or foregoing that dream vacation because alcohol takes a hefty bite out of our paycheck, the repercussions add up. Over time, we can end up in a sort of Groundhog Day existence, finding that we’re repeating the same pattern day after day and can never quite catch up. 

It’s a tough question to ask, but it’s another important one. Take a look at the different areas of your life — including family, social life, creative pursuits, and career goals — and list the ways alcohol might have sabotaged your goals. Once again, be gentle with yourself and try to maintain a positive outlook. By acknowledging the role alcohol is playing in your life, you’re taking an active step in making these goals a reality — and that’s something to celebrate!

Tip: If there’s ever a perfect time to make a vision board, it’s now. Cheesy as it may seem at first, bear with us: a visual illustration of your long-term goals can be immensely helpful in seeing whether alcohol has been making them harder to reach. Visualization is also a science-backed way to boost motivation to shift gears and change our habits.

7. Can I Go Without Alcohol for a Week?

It’s another one of those “you don’t know until you try it” questions. Going for a day or two without booze is one thing, but having an alcohol-free week might be entirely different — especially if we’ve gotten used to drinking every weekend.

If drinking has been on the books at least once a week, it’s time to see what happens when you cancel that invite. Try a “booze-free week” experiment to see just how strong of a hold it has over you. (Reframe has a 7-Day Alcohol-Free Challenge that you can participate in with a group to hold yourself accountable!) If cravings start creeping in or you find it difficult to go for an entire week without alcohol, it’s something to note as you continue exploring your drinking habits. 

Tip: Make your booze-free week something to look forward to rather than dread — that way you’re much more likely to actually give it a go. Plan some activities that boost dopamine and endorphins naturally, such as going for a hike (nature plus exercise are a powerful combo) or let your creative juices flow by attending a pottery class or taking an Adobe Photoshop tutorial.

8. Am I Dependent on Alcohol?

Finally, we come to one of the most serious alcohol-related questions of all: is it possible that your drinking has progressed to the point of alcohol use disorder (AUD)? 

The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism defines AUD as “a medical condition characterized by an impaired ability to stop or control alcohol use despite adverse social, occupational, or health consequences.” It might look baffling to the outsider why those affected “can’t just stop,” but we now know that there’s neuroscience behind it. 

AUD takes root when alcohol misuse turns into dependence: our body and brain get used to the presence of alcohol to the point that we “need” it just to feel normal (or as close to baseline as we can get). With our neurotransmitter balance disrupted, we experience uncomfortable (and potentially dangerous) withdrawal symptoms if we suddenly stop drinking.

While diagnosis can be tricky, the NIAAA lists some common signs that help shed light on the situation. You’ll find that the previous questions we’ve been exploring are directly related to these symptoms, so you’ve already done some valuable reflection. Now it’s time to put it all together! Here are the tell-tale signs:

• You find yourself drinking more than you planned to.
• You have trouble cutting down or stopping.
• Alcohol is taking up a big chunk of your mental “real estate”: even when you’re not drinking, you’re thinking about when you will be, planning to get more, or dealing with the aftermath.
• Whether at work or at home, booze keeps you from your daily responsibilities and gets in the way of you functioning at your best.
• Activities you once enjoyed are falling by the wayside and friendships you once treasured fizzle out as alcohol becomes the top priority.
• Drinking has gotten you into potentially dangerous situations. For example, you found yourself driving under the influence, using machinery, swimming, wandering around a dangerous part of town, or going home with a stranger you met that night.
• You keep drinking even though booze has been wreaking havoc on your life.
• Your tolerance has been creeping up.
• Booze erased memories from the night before by causing blackouts.
• Withdrawal symptoms such as anxiety, shakiness, nausea, a racing heart, depression, or seizures set in when you tried to put down the drink for anywhere from a few days to a few hours, depending on your drinking patterns.

Now, to be clear: while your responses to the questions we’ve explored earlier might be signs of AUD, each case is unique. Having one night when you drunk-dialed an ex or a hangover here and there doesn’t necessarily mean you have AUD (though it won’t do much for your social or work life in the long run). Instead, it’s important to look at the overall picture that emerges. Are there several signs showing that your drinking habit has gotten out of hand, maybe reaching the level of dependence and AUD?

If the answer is yes, don’t panic. Instead, congratulate yourself on taking the first step by looking the problem straight in the eye. And rest assured, you’re not alone: as the 2023 National Survey on Drug Use and Health showed, 28.1 million adults ages 18 and older (that’s over 10% within this age group) had AUD in the past year.

Luckily, these days, there’s plenty of help available for AUD, as well as for those who simply want to drink less. From therapy (especially cognitive behavioral therapy that targets thought patterns around alcohol) to inpatient treatment, mindfulness-based approaches, and apps such as Reframe, there are plenty of science-backed ways to find a way out of the alcohol trap.

What Would Life Look Like With Less (or No) Alcohol?

“Stop thinking in terms of limitations and start thinking in terms of possibilities.” — Terry Josephson

While the previous questions may have been uncomfortable, this is where things turn around. If your answers made you feel that alcohol is taking more than it’s giving, it’s time to ask a question that could pave the way to exciting changes: what would life without booze be like?

Here’s a preview:

• More energy. As a depressant, booze slows down our central nervous system, making us feel sluggish. Plus, the process of alcohol metabolism takes a toll. Without alcohol in the picture, you’ll have more energy than ever. (Hello morning jogs in the park!)
• Better sleep. While many people turn to alcohol as a nightcap, it actually interferes with our sleep and robs us of the most restorative REM stage. Without alcohol, you’re likely to find that you wake up feeling refreshed and ready for the day!
• A more balanced mood. Goodbye “inner Timmy” — hello authentic self! Without booze in the picture, your neurotransmitters will rebalance, making alcohol-fueled mood swings and rash decisions a thing of the past.
• Deeper connections. As we already mentioned, alcohol isn’t the “social glue” it promises to be. Without booze clouding your interactions, you’ll have a chance to truly connect with others, deepening existing bonds and forming new relationships.
• Better overall health. Alcohol affects just about every system in the body — and not in a good way. When you quit or cut back, your body has the chance to recover: your heart rate and blood pressure get lower, your blood glucose levels stabilize, and your liver has a chance to heal itself. And that’s just the beginning!
• More time. One of the best gifts you can give to yourself by taking alcohol out of the driver’s seat is the gift of time. Just think about all the time alcohol steals from you — from thinking about booze to standing in line at the liquor store (or the bar), it adds up. And that morning-after hangover can end up being the biggest time-waster of all, sometimes sending the whole day down the drain. When booze takes a back seat, all those precious hours are yours again!

Want to take a deep dive into the benefits of saying goodbye to alcohol? Check out “7 Benefits of Long-Term Alcohol Abstinence” and “Inspiring Personal Stories of Transitioning to a Sober Lifestyle” for inspiration.

Ready To Start?

“Nothing is predestined. The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.” ― Ralph Blum

Ready to experience the benefits for yourself? Here are some tips for getting started:

• Get curious. Just as we approached questions about alcohol with curiosity, we can look at the exploration of life with less booze in the same way. It’s not about deprivation — after all, there’s so much to look forward to! 
• Do an “alcohol experiment.” A great first step is doing a sober challenge where you say goodbye to booze for 30 days — for example, Sober October or Dry January. That said, there’s no need to wait — jump on the sober curious bandwagon and start your cutback or quitting journey today! 
• Take care of your body. It’s crucial to nourish your body with whole grains, lean proteins, healthy fats, and plenty of fruits and vegetables. Alcohol is notorious for interfering with nutrient absorption, which can impact your mood and overall health. And don’t forget hydration!

• Reframe your thoughts. Continue examining your relationship with alcohol and uncover any cognitive distortions you might have about it. There are many booze-related myths out there — time to bring them to light!
• Find your people. Everything is easier with a solid team behind you, and the alcohol journey is no different! Get in touch with friends and family members who support your goals and explore the Reframe forum to meet others who’ve been where you are and know what it’s like.

Remember, even if change is a bit uncomfortable at first, it’s all part of a journey to a healthier, happier version of yourself. And Reframe is here to help you every step of the way. We believe in you!

Looking Inward

No matter what your answers to the questions above were, remember that this is a no-judgment zone! You’re taking a brave first step by asking yourself these questions, and the rest of the journey will only set you up for a healthier, more fulfilling life. No one can hold you back except you!