The Link Between Alcoholism and Divorce

If you’re reading this, you may be feeling like it’s time for a change. You aren’t happy anymore, and your marriage just doesn’t have the feeling it used to. Perhaps alcohol is involved, and you’re wondering if that has anything to do with your marital satisfaction. Your friend recently divorced their spouse because of alcoholism, and you wonder if your marriage is headed down the same path. Today, we’ll take a look at the connection between alcohol and divorce and explore some ways you and your spouse can get help and reconnect.

Statistics on Alcoholism and Divorce Rates

Alcoholism, also known as alcohol use disorder (AUD), is the inability to stop or control alcohol use despite negative social, professional, or health consequences. Approximately 29.5 million people over age 12 in the U.S. had AUD in a 2022 survey. In addition to being a leading cause of liver disease and other health problems, alcoholism is a leading cause of divorces worldwide. 

Let’s take a look at some statistics to see just how prevalent alcoholism is in divorce cases.

Sobering Statistics

• Increasing the consumption of alcohol by 1 liter per capita increases the divorce rate by 20%. Conversely, an increase in divorce rates also leads to an increase in alcohol consumption. But which came first?
• ‍Divorce rates are 15.5% for those with AUD in the past year, compared to 4.8% for those with no AUD. Besides AUD, other causes included tobacco use disorder, other substance abuse, having had a spouse with AUD in the past, or stressful life events. Stress often leads people to drink more, which turns into a vicious cycle.
• Heavy drinking is found in 55% of divorces. This is over half of divorces, showing that even if it’s not the main instigator for the divorce, it certainly may have something to do with it.
• Heavy drinkers are 20% more likely to get divorced than the general population. Ironically, this number is even higher in substance abuse counselors than among those in other occupations.
• Around 50% of divorces are brought about by alcohol abuse. Whether it’s the husband or wife who abuses the alcohol, it spells trouble either way. 
• Alcohol consumption rates are generally lower among married people than among single or divorced people. Marrying someone with no history of AUD decreases the risk of developing AUD, for reasons such as health-monitoring interactions with our spouse.
• Heavy drinking is associated with lower marital satisfaction. This could be due to negative parenting behaviors and lack of emotional intimacy among other things. It is one of the main reasons couples seek marriage counseling.
• There is a higher divorce rate among couples where only one spouse drinks heavily versus where both spouses drink heavily, or where neither spouse drinks. In fact, couples where both spouses drink are two-thirds less likely to get divorced than those where only one partner drinks. Couples where both spouses drink heavily also report higher marital satisfaction than couples where only one spouse drinks.
• Men suffer from alcoholism more than women, with 7.6% of men 18 and up having AUD compared to 4.1% of women. One study found that men release more dopamine while drinking than women do, which would explain this discrepancy. 
• In Russia, 70% of divorces cite alcohol abuse as a leading cause. Russia also has some of the highest rates of AUD in the world. Russia and Belarus have some of the highest divorce rates in the world. Alcohol isn’t solely to blame for this, however, as there are other factors at play such as less social stigma surrounding divorce, more equal wages between men and women, and easier divorce processes.
• Countries with low alcoholism rates also tend to have low divorce rates. This includes countries such as India, Peru, and Vietnam. Of course, cultural norms, religion, government regulations, and economics all play a role, but the numbers still line up with what we know about alcohol and divorce.

The numbers speak for themselves, but it’s not the booze alone that causes dissatisfaction in a marriage. Alcohol use disorder causes a chain reaction of behaviors that are toxic to relationships, especially marriages where children are involved. Let’s go into more detail as to why alcoholism has such a negative impact on marriage.

Alcohol’s Impact on Marriage

Let’s explore what happens in between the drinking and the divorcing, starting with the effects of living with an alcoholic spouse:

• Communication breakdown. Miscommunications are among the primary causes of divorce in the U.S. Alcohol contributes to this if there is criticism or defensiveness involved, among other communication conflicts. Also, trying to have a meaningful conversation with an intoxicated spouse doesn’t work well, and emotional connection suffers.
• Neglect and unmet needs. Drinking takes time, whether it’s time at the bar or time nursing a hangover. Choosing alcohol over time with loved ones or neglecting responsibilities because of alcohol spells divorce.
• Trust issues. Alcohol decreases our self-control and can lead us to do risky things, infidelity being among them. This behavior can cause irreparable trust issues between spouses, especially if alcohol remains present in the relationship.
• Emotional and psychological effects. Having to “walk on eggshells” around an intoxicated spouse can make us feel unsafe or insecure in a marriage.
• Effects on children. A parent suffering from alcoholism can be a bad influence on children, both by exposing them to risky behavior and by continuing a family history of alcoholism. In fact, children of parents with alcoholism are four times more likely to develop alcoholism than others. This is due to both genetic and environmental factors.
• Violence/lashing out. Verbal abuse can easily happen under the influence. Over time, the apologies just aren’t enough anymore, and continued abuse can damage emotional intimacy and connection, both to the spouse and the children if there are any.
• Financial strain. Alcohol costs money, and for couples on a budget, this can affect their financial stability. Between a third and half of all marriages end because of money issues, and increased spending on booze only adds to the strain.
• Physiological and personality changes. “Who are you, and what have you done with my spouse?” Alcohol alters our brain chemistry and can affect our mood, memory, and decision-making ability. Regular alcohol abuse can change our personality and make us more reactive and hostile to the point where our spouse may not recognize us anymore.

It’s not hard to imagine how any of these problems could lead to divorce; for many of us, it’s all too real. Unfortunately, however, the problem doesn’t end when we sign the papers.

Long-Term Problems

Besides the actual breakdown of a marriage, there are other problems:

• Custody battles. When children are involved, things get even messier. The spouse suffering from alcoholism is more likely than their partner to lose custody rights in a custody battle. In fact, if one spouse is proven to have alcohol misuse, they are often denied unsupervised visits with their child.
• Division of assets. Depending on the case, the assets may go mostly to the nondrinker, under the argument that the drinker ran up excessive bills from alcohol use.
• Spousal support. If one spouse spends all the money on their addiction, the other spouse may be entitled to more spousal support than they would otherwise. The decision depends on the case, though, and sometimes the spouse suffering from alcoholism actually gets more spousal support than the unaffected one. This can be to help them find treatment or get back on their feet. Either way, money comes into question and can bring a lot of complications and resentment with it.
• Social stigma. Many people see divorce as a failure, and having to explain to a potential new spouse that your last one divorced you because of alcohol abuse isn’t a great first impression.

If the thought of divorce is looming in your mind, don’t panic just yet. It may not be too late to fix your marriage. 

How To Help an Alcoholic Spouse

Fortunately, there are ways to help your marriage before it’s time to call it quits. Let’s explore how to live with an alcoholic spouse and how to help them get their alcoholism under control.

• Early intervention. Have an honest conversation with your spouse when you first start noticing excessive alcohol use. Communicate to them that this behavior makes you uncomfortable, and try to work something out.
• Marriage counseling. Maybe there is something else going on that is making your spouse unhappy in the marriage and causing them to hit the bottle. Try out marriage counseling to see if there are underlying issues and see if it helps you reconnect with your spouse.
• Treatment for alcoholism. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) website has information about research and resources for those suffering from alcoholism. Consider treatment options for your spouse that will help them quit or cut back.

Hopefully one of these will work for you and your spouse before it’s too late. All of us here at Reframe are here to help you, and we’re rooting for you and the success of your marriage!

Key Takeaways

Alcohol is addictive, and when we begin choosing it over our relationships, we suffer the consequences. Fortunately, there are things we can do to stop this from happening. Treating alcoholism takes commitment, just like a marriage does. When we wake up every morning, we commit to our spouse, and we also commit to our health and being the best version of ourselves. This doesn’t happen overnight, but by communicating openly with our spouse and continuously committing to ourselves and our marriage, we can save something that was meant to last a lifetime.