Letting Go of Comparison During Recovery

In the journey of recovery, our mind often becomes its own worst critic. While we’re working on bettering ourselves, we may find ourselves measuring each step against the perceived strides of others, with the shadow of comparison and doubt looming large. If this describes you, don’t worry! While not comparing ourselves to others is easier said than done, true healing begins when we’re able to break free from these self-imposed shackles. 

Imagine a world where we aren’t belittling our own achievements. Instead of comparison, our journey is about our growth, commitment, and the steps we’ve taken toward a healthier, happier life. Let’s explore the liberating power of letting go of comparison during recovery and learn some actionable tips to help embrace this mindset.

Comparison: The Thief of Joy

Comparison is the act of examining the resemblances or differences between something. Sounds innocent, right? Well, it can be if we’re just comparing apples and oranges to determine our favorite fruit. When we compare ourselves to others, that’s where things can take a negative turn. 

The social comparison theory (or self-comparison theory) is the concept that we determine our own self-worth based on how we see ourselves compared to others. The sociologist Charles Horton Cooley sums it up perfectly:

“I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.”

Our perception is often affected by our fears of how others perceive us, especially if we often compare ourselves to them. When we do this, we tend to only focus on what we’re lacking, leading to dissatisfaction and negative thoughts about ourselves. This is why comparison is often referred to as the thief of joy. 

Comparison may be natural when we’re in recovery and working towards a better version of ourselves, but it only serves as a roadblock to our healing. For example, comparing our alcohol consumption to others can indirectly affect our own. We might think someone else is “doing better” because they haven’t had a drink in a month, but that’s only what they told us, and we have no idea what they’re actually doing behind closed doors.

Let’s dive deeper into this and learn some practical tips to avoid comparison.

How To Not Compare Yourself to Others During Recovery 

We know that comparison can be harmful, but stopping comparison is often easier said than done. However, it’s something that we can practice and get better at! Recovery is personal, and everyone’s journey looks different. The next time you feel that urge to compare yourself to others, try these actionable tips:

1. Approach With a Grateful Heart

Gratitude promotes positive thinking, as it helps us focus on what we have rather than what we lack. This reminds us of our worth rather than determining our own success and value based on others. 

Practice gratitude by keeping a daily gratitude journal, using positive self-talk, or trying guided gratitude meditations. Since comparison is the thief of joy, we can use gratitude to counteract that and shift towards a positive mindset. 

This will build our self-confidence, and, before we know it, the urge to compare ourselves to others or be affected by it will diminish. 

2. Avoid the Highlight Reels

The truth is that social media is often just a highlight reel. We may see pictures of the “good time” that is associated with drinking, but we don’t see the painful aftermath that comes with it. While we’re bombarded with before and after comparisons, witty captions, and what seems like extravagant experiences on social media, what we don’t see is what someone is feeling, the hundreds of deleted pictures to get that “perfect” one, and the struggles between those before and after photos. 

When it comes to social media, what you see isn’t always what you get! A study by the University of Kansas found that couples who post more on social media report lower relationship satisfaction and diminished feelings of intimacy with their partner. So, when we compare ourselves to those we see on social media, we’re doing ourselves even more of a disservice, as a curated feed isn’t an accurate representation of their lives (or our own, for that matter). Here are some tips to counteract the blues from social media:

• Do a digital detox. Limit your time on social media, choose a book rather than a TV show, or spend a weekend unplugged in nature on a camping trip. This promotes mindfulness, helps us be more present, and may reduce our urge to compare ourselves to others.
• Practice intentional consumption. We can curate our social media feed to support our goals. If someone is posting content that’s triggering or we find that we’re comparing ourselves to them, it’s okay to unfollow them. In the same way, we can follow or like pages that make us feel good or motivate us.
• Remind yourself of the facts. Reminders such as “Social media is a highlight reel” or “You never know what someone is going through” are facts that can help us reframe our thoughts.
• Be present. Activities such as meditation, journaling, exercise, and connecting with loved ones help us limit external distractions and be more present in our lives. 

In our digital world, popular media can be difficult to avoid, but implementing mindfulness practices promotes greater focus on ourselves, reducing the inclination to compare.

3. Work on Yourself the SMART Way

SMART is a framework that helps us develop more effective goals. When we have a clear purpose, we’re less likely to compare ourselves to others because we’re focused on achieving what we want to achieve. 

For example, a vague goal such as wanting to reduce our alcohol consumption can open the door to comparison when we see that others may be doing it faster than we are. A SMART version of that goal such as reducing our alcohol consumption by two drinks per week for the next month gives us clear direction and helps us dial in on working towards our own recovery.

When setting our recovery goals, we can use the SMART criteria:

• S for specific. Specificity helps us identify exactly what we want to achieve and limits the procrastination and ambivalence that vague goals can create. Ask yourself what you want to achieve and what steps it will take to get there.
• M for measurable. Making sure our goal is measurable allows us to track our progress. This not only helps shape our future goals, but also motivates us to keep going when we’re able to see how far we’ve come. Use numbers to define the goal, such as being active three times a week rather than just “being more active.” 
• A for achievable. SMART goals are like small steps we take to reach our end goal. When we set goals that we can achieve, we’ll have more confidence and be more motivated to actively work towards getting there.
• R for relevant. Setting goals is sometimes difficult because there’s so much we want to achieve. However, making sure our SMART goals are relevant to our end goal helps us avoid spreading ourselves too thin and increases our focus on what we want to achieve. A helpful question to ask is how this smaller objective helps us achieve our end goal. 
• T for time-bound. Setting a timeframe to achieve our goals helps motivate us and keeps us proactive. Be specific with the timeframe by setting weekly and monthly objectives. 

If you’re looking for further guidance on setting SMART goals, consider 1:1 coaching with Reframe to help you set more effective and individualized goals.

4. Treat Yourself Like a Friend

Most of the time, we’re our own harshest critics. A helpful technique is to practice treating yourself like you would a loved one. The next time you find yourself comparing your recovery to someone else’s that may seem faster or “better,” instead of falling into the trap of comparison and low self-esteem, think of what you’d say to a friend if they told you they were feeling that their recovery isn’t as “good” as others. 

When we’re speaking to ourselves and struggling to show self-love, we may be thinking “We’re lazy” or “We’re failing at recovery” when we compare ourselves to others. But would you say these same phrases to a friend? Probably not. This simple, yet powerful technique helps us show ourselves the same love we show to others. Try writing yourself an encouraging note to start!

5. Celebrate the Small Wins

Celebrating our achievements, no matter how small, is one way we can see our recovery from a more positive lens. Recovery is often filled with ups and downs, and in challenging moments, it can be difficult to remember how far we’ve come. 

The small steps we take make a big difference in our journey and deserve recognition. Treat yourself to some extra self-care time, read your favorite book, or swap out your morning coffee for a latte to celebrate your progress. Save up for a sobriety gift or throw a sobriety party to celebrate the bigger milestones.

As we’ve learned, comparison really can be the thief of joy, but we can fight against it with these actionable tips. To get some inspiration, let’s look at some wise words we can aim to live by.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: Quotes To Inspire

There’s actually science behind using quotes to fuel our recovery. Research shows that motivational quotes stimulate areas of our brain that control how we think and act. In essence, motivational quotes promote more positive behaviors such as discouraging comparison — positively impacting our recovery. Try to find one that resonates with you:

1. “Don’t compare your beginnings to someone else’s middle, or your middle to someone else’s end.” — Tim Hiller, Strive: Life is Short, Pursue What Matters

This quote is a reminder that we’re all in different places on our journey and have our own timelines. When we compare ourselves to others, we could be comparing the start of our journey to someone else’s middle or endpoint. 

2. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” — Eleanor Roosevelt, former First Lady

We’re all inherently different, and our paths to recovery may look different from others. However, comparison to others hinders our journey and diminishes our own accomplishments.

3. “The only person you should try to be better than is who you were yesterday.” — Matty Mullins, American songwriter

For those of us who have a competitive spirit, we can channel that energy into our own journey. Instead of comparing ourselves to others, we can work on being a better version of ourselves, making strides towards a healthier, happier life day by day. 

4. “A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it, it just blooms.” — Sensei Ogui, Zen Shin Talks

This analogy is a simple yet powerful reminder that we’re all living our own lives. Just like flowers, we can all thrive without comparing ourselves to how fast or how well others thrive.

5. “We won’t be distracted by comparison if we are captivated with purpose.” — Bob Goff, Live in Grace, Walk in Love

Have you ever gotten really into beating a level of a game? Perhaps you felt like that was all you could think about. This is the same idea. When we’re focused on reaching our own goals, we’re less likely to be distracted by others.

6. “Admire others’ beauty without questioning your own.” — Brooke Hampton, Bleeding Ink

Noticing differences is something we might not be able to avoid. However, we can admire others’ accomplishments without comparing them to our own. Celebrate others and yourself! There’s enough appreciation to go around!

To check out even more wise words to inspire your journey, read more on “Recovery Quotes: Words to Inspire Your Journey.”

Reclaim Your Narrative

As we navigate the road to recovery, releasing the habit of comparison allows us to fully appreciate our own progress. Every step, no matter how small it may seem, is a significant milestone on our unique path. By practicing gratitude, setting SMART goals, practicing self-care, and celebrating our accomplishments, we foster a deeper sense of self-worth and strengthen our path to healing. Every recovery journey is unique. So, the next time you feel yourself about to compare yourself to others, remember that you’re the main character in your life!