How To Help Your Son Stop Alcohol Misuse

Your son is acting differently. He’s got new friends, and they’re staying out late almost every night. You lie awake until you hear his car pull into the garage, swearing that you’ll get up to say something this time.

Well, why start a fight at 3 in the morning?

You talk yourself out of it.

In the coming days, you start noticing other warning signs around the house. Empty beer cans stuffed in the trash. A whole heap of them under his bed. How long have they been there? When was the last time you cleaned his room?

Now he’s sleeping in late and you’re fielding calls from his employer (or his school). When you confront your son about what you smell on his breath, he gets defensive. How do you help an alcoholic son — especially an alcoholic son living at home?

How Do You Help an Alcoholic Son?

Suspecting our child of alcohol misuse can be very emotional. We may feel anxious, frustrated, or devastated, depending on the day’s events. To help an alcoholic son, we need to rule out other diagnoses, speak frankly about what we’re seeing, and empower our child to make a lasting change.

Is It Alcohol or Something Else?

First, we need to determine if alcohol is to blame. Begin by asking yourself these 10 questions:


1. Has my son struggled to fulfill his obligations at work, home, or school?
2. Is he drinking more heavily and in inappropriate situations (for example, while driving or working)?
3. Does he regularly lose control and drink more than he intends?
4. Has he experienced career or legal issues related to his alcohol use?
5. Does he get defensive when I bring up his drinking?
6. When he abstains, does he experience withdrawal symptoms?
7. Has he repeatedly tried (and failed) to cut back or quit?
8. Does he spend a lot of time, energy, and money to obtain, consume, and recover from the effects of alcohol?
9. Has drinking caused health problems for him?
10. Does he continue to drink in spite of the consequences?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above, your son may need a professional evaluation for alcohol use disorder (AUD).

Start the Conversation

In the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), there’s an old saying: “We’re only as sick as our secrets.” Alcohol misuse thrives when we’re too polite, ashamed, or anxious to talk about it. As soon as we decide to discuss our son’s drinking, change becomes possible. Gently express concern, using as many concrete examples as possible. Try to avoid nagging or lecturing — stick to the facts and offer reassurance. Talk about options for treatment or cutting back.

If our loved one denies his drinking and continues misusing alcohol, an intervention may be necessary. A professional interventionist can help the family prepare for this challenging, constructive confrontation.

Empowerment Is Everything

Overcoming alcohol dependence can be exhausting. Constant cravings and a never-ending avalanche of appointments may leave our son wondering if recovery is worth it. Encourage the behavior you want to see in him. Celebrate his successes and assist him with recovery-related tasks. Participate in family programming, give him rides to support groups, and lend a nonjudgmental ear when he needs to vent. If necessary, help him find a treatment program for alcohol misuse.

Help Him Find Support

Sobriety experts have found that community is the key to lasting recovery. Isolation, secrecy, and shame fuel alcohol use disorder. To overcome this condition, your son needs a sober support network. Parental support, while crucial, is only part of the equation. He will need support from peers who have experienced what he’s going through; they can answer all his questions and empathize with his situation. He can build this system in support groups or in online communities like the Reframe forum.

Alcohol-free friends offer accountability, motivation, and connection during this difficult time. They set a powerful example for the kind of man your son can become.

What Not To Do

Remember, alcohol dependence isn’t a moral failure; it’s a disease. With the proper treatment, your child can recover and live a full, happy, thriving life. Before intervening, consider the following points.

Don’t Believe What You See on TV

Alcohol use disorder is steeped in stigma. Our opinion of this diagnosis is shaped by popular media. When we hear the word “alcoholic,” we may think of someone who is unhoused and unemployed. In reality, many heavy drinkers successfully conceal their substance use. They maintain their careers and home lives for as long as possible. If we look for the TV depictions of alcohol dependence, we may miss signs that our child is struggling.

Avoid Enabling

All parents feel compelled to protect their children. When we have an alcoholic son living at home, our parental instincts urge us to shield him from the consequences of his actions. This is the definition of enabling. We must resist the urge to pay our child’s bills, make excuses for unacceptable behavior, or lie on his behalf. By preventing our children from feeling the effects of their alcohol misuse, we rob them of the opportunity to find rock-bottom. Until your son sees the need for change, he will keep drinking. Stay strong and let him make his own decisions!

Keep an eye out for the following subtle signs of enabling:


• Rationalizing his drinking
• Making your life about your son, not yourself
• Hiding his alcohol misuse from friends and family
• Feeling helpless to change the situation
• Calling his school or employer to explain absences


Resist the Urge To Rescue Him

Ultimately, learning how to deal with an alcoholic son requires us to “accept the things we cannot change.” We can’t control others (although we probably wish we could!). Our child must be motivated to get help before deciding to take the necessary steps on his own. We can’t “fix” him or “make” him get sober.

Don’t Give Up

To paraphrase another AA saying, where there is life, there is hope. Each day could mark a new beginning for your son, no matter how serious his drinking has been in the past. Don’t give up when the going gets tough! Continue to advocate for him and encourage him to seek treatment.

How To Deal With an Alcoholic Son Living at Home

Helping a loved one navigate alcohol recovery can be physically and emotionally draining. Just as a strong social support network can have a big impact on your son’s sobriety, support groups allow you to connect with others who are also coping with a loved one’s alcohol misuse. Consider joining a group like Al-Anon or SMART Friends & Family to share wisdom and experience with other parents. 

This process can be difficult, often in unexpected ways. You can limit the toll on your health and well-being by following these five recommendations:

1. Educate Yourself About Alcohol Use Disorder

Become an expert on alcohol misuse. The more you know about it, the better prepared you’ll be to help your son. Learning the short-term effects of heavy drinking can help you understand what he’s going through in the moment. Anything you discover about the recovery process can guide him in the weeks ahead and show that you’re an active part of his journey.

2. Set Boundaries

Boundaries teach our loved ones how to treat us. We can reflect on our experiences and decide which behaviors are unacceptable to us. From there, we’ll clearly explain the consequences of ignoring these requests. By setting reasonable expectations with our children, we can protect our peace during this chaotic time.

Examples of healthy boundaries include the following:

• “If you are arrested while driving under the influence, I will not bail you out of jail.”
• “I cannot afford any more loans. Therefore, I will not lend you money under any circumstances.”
• “If you stash alcohol in my house, you can no longer live here.”

3. Prioritize Your Safety


Alcohol can make people act differently than they normally would. For instance, there is a strong link between alcohol consumption and domestic violence. Researchers in the United Kingdom found that men tend to commit worse assaults after drinking — a trend not found among women with alcohol use disorder. With this in mind, we must always prioritize our safety when we have an alcoholic son living at home.

If you feel unsafe, take the following steps:

• Do not allow your son to live with you any longer.
• Enlist friends and family members for protection.
• Limit time alone with your son, especially while he is intoxicated.
• Contact your local law enforcement agency for assistance.

4. Communicate Respectfully


When learning how to deal with an alcoholic son, we may find ourselves feeling frustrated and betrayed. That’s completely normal! It can be tempting to lash out and explain exactly how his choices affect us. Remember that heated conversations probably won’t do any good — in fact, they can undermine our relationships. Avoid ultimatums, fights, and derogatory remarks. If you can’t communicate calmly and respectfully, leave the room and take some time to breathe.

5. Take Care of Yourself


How do you help an alcoholic son without losing yourself? While it may seem kind to put our own needs aside, that’s actually a fast track to resentment and burnout. Eat well, rest whenever you can, and engage in activities you enjoy. Buoy your mental health through involvement in local support groups or one-on-one therapy sessions.

Examples of self-care activities include writing gratitude lists, journaling, visiting friends, discussing your feelings, spending time in nature, exercising, listening to music, and meditating.

Walk the Road of Recovery Together

Whether your son is a teenager or an adult, he’ll always be your baby. We know how distressing it can be to see your child struggle with alcohol misuse. Fortunately, with proper care and support, recovery is possible.

If you think your son might have a drinking problem, speak with a clinician, mental health expert, or addiction treatment provider. These professionals can accurately diagnose alcohol use disorder while identifying any co-occurring conditions like anxiety or depression. These insights will form the bedrock of your son’s treatment plan.

As you move forward, we encourage you to prioritize your own health and safety by setting boundaries and practicing self-care. Be mindful of how you communicate with your son; instead of criticizing him, set goals and encourage him to address his substance use. Together, you can walk the road of recovery.