Alcohol and Parenting: The Dangers of Drinking in Front of Children

You’re out and about when suddenly your little one drops their toy and an unexpected “sh*t” comes out of their mouth. Heads turn, and you hurry back to the car, kid in tow, ready to reprimand them for cursing. But when you do, your kid says,“But you say it too!” 

You go through the usual lecture — adults do things that kids shouldn’t — but now you’re wondering the extent to which your actions impact your kids. Drinking comes to mind. You might have a glass of wine now and then with dinner or a couple of beers during football watch parties, but is it okay to drink in front of your kids? Let’s break down both sides of the argument to help you answer this question. 

Should You Drink In Front of Your Kids?

There’s a lot of nuance to this question and that makes it difficult to give a straight answer. To help you decide what’s best for you and your kids, let’s understand both sides of the argument.

Arguments For

It’s true that kids pick up on what their parents do, but some parents believe that drinking in front of the kids could actually be a good thing, especially when done responsibly. 

Drinking (moderately, of course) in front of the kids can make it more casual and less mysterious. Kids might be less inclined to be experimental or rebellious or start drinking at a young age. The transparency of drinking in front of the kids can be a way to introduce responsible drinking and teach them the harmful effects of drinking excessively. This approach takes away the “forbidden fruit” effect that could lead to underage or binge drinking. 

Kids who see their parents drink moderately also may be more comfortable talking about it with their parents. This open communication can be important in teaching responsible drinking and ensuring our kids feel safe to ask for support if they need it. However, it’s important to note that there can be a significant difference between kids seeing their parents drink now and then and kids seeing their parents drinking every night. 

Arguments Against

Parents who don’t think it’s okay to drink in front of their kids might view the consequences of alcohol more heavily. They themselves may drink occasionally, maybe during special occasions or social gatherings, but they might not want to expose their kids to that. They may feel that casual drinking can normalize it. 

While drinking is heavily ingrained in our social culture, kids pick up even greater influence from their parents. If kids see their parents drinking, they may not see it as something harmful and fail to recognize the serious consequences that come with it. This could negatively affect their future drinking habits because they think it’s okay. 

They may be more likely to drink casually or even be inclined to start drinking at a younger age. Or worse, if parents have negative drinking habits, kids can pick up on those, increasing their risk of alcohol misuse in the future. Let’s explore the negative effects of a child seeing their parents drunk. 

From a Child’s Perspective: The Effects of Kids Seeing Parents Drunk

When we’re drunk, we’re not our usual selves. We say things we wouldn’t normally say or do things we wouldn’t normally do. Not only is this dangerous for ourselves and our kids, it can also shape the way they see alcohol and their idea of what a healthy family dynamic is. Here’s what they might see or think:

• “Drinking is ‘fun’ and I want to do that too.”
• “My parents don’t care about me because they’re just getting drunk all the time.” 
• “It’s normal for parents to get aggressive when they’re drunk.”
• “Alcohol isn’t bad for you, my parents get drunk all the time.”
• “I don’t want my friends to come over because my parents are drunk all the time.”
• “When I’m stressed, alcohol will help.”
• “I am worried about my parents’ health.”

As we can see, drinking irresponsibly in front of kids can impact the way they think and act. Let’s take a closer look at the specific consequences of this behavior. 

The Ripple Effect: Parental Alcohol Use Effects on Children

Alcohol affects our thoughts, feelings, and actions, and as parents with kids who depend on us for guidance and safety, drinking in front of them can be risky. Here are several key factors that come into play.

• Poor judgment. Alcohol slows down messaging in our brain, which impairs our judgment. Sound decisions are important for not only drinking responsibly but also for ensuring the health and safety of our kids.
• Increased aggression. Drinking also lowers our inhibitions. This means that we have less control over impulses from strong emotions such as anger and stress. 
• Passing on negative drinking habits. Research shows that kids of parents who drink heavily or regularly are more likely to develop alcohol misuse or dependence. 
• Downplaying the damage. Parents are role models for their kids. Kids who see their parents drinking may not realize how severely alcohol affects our health and well-being since they see their parents doing it. 
• Unstable family dynamics. When parents have negative drinking habits, it can impact the whole family. They may not be as present, which can lead to financial strain and difficulties developing positive relationships. These patterns all lead to a rocky family dynamic. The result can be increased risk of poor mental health in their kids, which can trigger unhealthy coping mechanisms in the future.

These are some potential consequences of drinking in front of kids. However, as much as we try to be good role models, we can’t completely control how our kids will turn out. The best we can do is equip them with the knowledge and resources to set them up for success. Let’s dive into some ways we can educate our kids about alcohol so they can develop a healthy relationship with alcohol for themselves. 

Tips for Teaching Kids About Alcohol

Helping our kids learn and develop a healthy relationship with alcohol can be a delicate process. Here are some tips.

• Set clear expectations. Highlight the severity of underage drinking by setting clear expectations and consequences. Approach it by explaining the detrimental effects rather than just setting strict rules. 
• Develop a strong relationship. Having a good relationship with your kids fosters open communication and understanding. They may be more likely to listen to what you have to say and feel more comfortable opening up to you. 
• Lead by example. Kids don’t only learn by listening to what we teach them. They also pick up on the things we do. Set a good example by practicing responsible drinking. 
• Encourage healthy friendships. Kids are heavily influenced by their peers. Having good influences by their side can help them make better decisions.
• Avoid judgment. It’s important to approach with a firm but understanding tone. Avoid harsh criticism or judgment so your kids feel comfortable opening up or asking for help. 
• Be honest. Honesty fosters trust. Even if you might not have the best relationship with alcohol now or struggled with misuse in the past, it can be helpful to let them know while teaching them to make better choices. For example, you might admit that you started drinking while you were underage, but also let them know what consequences it had and how you would do things differently. 

While we might not be able to control all the choices our kids make, these tips for increasing awareness about drinking can help them make better and more informed decisions. 

Sowing the Seeds

Just as we try not to curse or fight in front of our children, drinking can be one of those things we try to minimize due to the serious consequences it has on our health and well-being. While it might be a way to teach responsible drinking, if we go overboard we’re not only influencing our kids’ future drinking habits but also their health and well-being. Let’s sow the seeds of positive well-being in our kids by first starting with ourselves!