15 Recovery Quotes for Family and Loved Ones

Addiction often changes our loved ones into people we might no longer recognize. Sometimes the changes take years, sometimes months, or even a few weeks. Either way, you start noticing that your friend, partner, child, or even parent is slowly turning into someone you don’t recognize. Maybe they’re spending more time out (or in their room), maybe they’re canceling plans, lying, or even stealing from you. Recovery feels like it’s within reach (“If only they’d just stop!”) and yet so incredibly far — almost impossible — at the same time.

Rest assured, it’s possible. Many have recovered from addiction, and your loved one can, too! In the meantime, you can learn how to support your friend or family member while taking care of your own mental and physical health.

The Challenges of Loving an Addict

Loving an addict can be one of the most frustrating, exhausting, and heartbreaking experiences. As Emilie Pine puts it in Notes to Self,

“It is hard to love an addict. Not only practically difficult, in the picking up after them and the handling of those aspects of life they're not able for themselves, but metaphysically hard. It feels like bashing yourself against a wall, not just your head, but your whole self. It makes your heart hard. Caught between ultimatums (stop drinking) and radical acceptance (I love you no matter what) the person who loves the addict exhausts and renews their love on a daily basis.”

And yet, if that’s you — you’re certainly not alone. According to NIAAA’s 2022 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), as many as 29.5 million people ages 12 and older had alcohol use disorder (AUD) in the past year. Add to that the millions of cases of drug addiction, and the numbers are truly staggering.

If you’re in this boat, please don’t lose hope! Recovery is absolutely possible. In the meantime, be sure to take care of yourself. (For a deeper look at this subject, check out our blogs: Supporting a Loved One: How To Help an Alcoholic on the Path to Recovery and How To Help Your Teen With Alcohol Recovery.)

Hearing about others’ experiences can be incredibly helpful, and getting help and support for yourself in the process is also essential. Quotes can be an important part of this process by helping you reframe the situation, gain perspective, understand addiction, and know that recovery is possible.

Understanding Addiction: Quotes for Family Members

Addiction is a paradox. It’s a lonely state to be in, and yet it affects everyone in the surrounding community in ways that can be hard to untangle. Here are some quotes to shed light on what makes addiction tick.

1. “Drinkers think they are trying to escape, but really they are trying to overcome a mental disorder they didn't know they had.” ― Matthew Perry, Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing

While people naturally look for the “why” behind addiction, the truth is that at a certain point, the psychological or environmental factors that may have triggered that first dose or first drink are largely irrelevant. Once addiction gets going, it’s a physical process driven by changes in brain chemistry.

Biologically, addiction sets in as a result of the brain’s reward system going haywire. Driven by dopamine, the reward neurochemical, it’s a cycle of dependence that sets in when we come to rely on substances (such as alcohol) that artificially trigger the reward circuit.

However, that doesn’t mean the brain can’t change — it absolutely can, thanks to the power of neuroplasticity. (To learn more, check out “How Alcohol Affects the Brain: A Look Into the Science.”)

2. “We’re all running from pain. Some of us take pills. Some of us couch surf while binge-watching Netflix. Some of us read romance novels. We’ll do almost anything to distract ourselves from ourselves. Yet all this trying to insulate ourselves from pain seems only to have made our pain worse.” ― Anna Lembke, Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence

Addiction seems a bit less foreign if we think of it in terms of degrees. We all have the potential to be “dopamine junkies,” chasing after things that make us feel good. It’s natural! However, for one reason or another (most likely a combination of genetics, life circumstances, and pure chance), some of us are a bit more sensitive to the effects and end up getting caught up in a devastating spiral.

3. “No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” — Buddha

One of the main (and also most frustrating) things to understand about addiction is that we can’t fix it for someone else — they must do so by themselves. You can help by pointing your loved one in the right direction and offering tools and advice (especially if you’ve been there yourself at some point). However, in the end it’s their puzzle to solve.

Is it a solvable puzzle, however? Absolutely. The key lies in changing our relationship with alcohol or another drug: once we see through the illusion of pleasure it supposedly creates and the empty promises it never actually delivers on, quitting becomes simple. The great news? Once we reframe our understanding in this way, it’s almost impossible to “unsee” the new reality.

Loving an Addict: Quotes for Family and Friends

Family and friends can find it incredibly difficult to find balance in life when addiction is in the picture. How do we support our loved one without enabling them? Can we ever bring back the person we knew and loved who seems to be a shell of their former self? 

While we can’t “make” someone recover, we can help ignite a spark of inspiration that could eventually lead to change. Here are some quotes about doing just that (as well as some about what to avoid).

4. “My identity shifted when I got into recovery. That’s who I am now, and it actually gives me greater pleasure to have that identity than to be a musician or anything else. It gives me a spiritual anchor.” — Eric Clapton

Our passions can be a lifeline in recovery. Encourage the addict you love to pursue what once made them happy. Whatever it was is still there, even if it’s been obscured by alcohol or drugs. That guitar they used to play but haven’t touched in years? Ask them to play you a song (just one, for a few minutes). A lot of times a few minutes of going back to what used to give us joy can serve as a “hook,” if not now then at some point in the future.

5. “I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people's lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life.” ― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

At the same time, don’t forget yourself in the process. What gives you joy? Is it music? Hiking? Making photo collages? Don’t let any emotional turmoil around you stop you from taking a few minutes each day to do something that brings you joy. It’s not selfish — it’s actually the opposite. It will keep you going and keep you from losing the connection to your authentic self. 

6. “We rescue people from their responsibilities. We take care of people’s responsibilities for them. Later we get mad at them for what we’ve done. Then we feel used and sorry for ourselves. That is the pattern, the triangle.” ― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Another wise thought from Melody Beattie, this one gets to the heart of what happens when we don’t leave room for ourselves in the process of caring for an addict. It can feel like an impossible cycle to break: our loved one clearly can’t take care of their own basic needs, so we stock their fridge, pay their bills, walk their dog, and help drive them to appointments with medical professionals we hope they’ll listen to. And yet we also resent them for it. 

How you find balance in this vicious cycle (or triangle, as Beattie calls it) is up to you. The key is to not overextend yourself — ask others for help, don’t blame yourself for not being Superman (or Superwoman). You already are a hero by being there for your loved one. But you’re also human.

Child of an Addict: Quotes To Cope With Parents’ Struggles

Watching a parent struggle with addiction can be heartbreaking and confusing. After all, these are the people that are supposed to care for us — and yet, we often end up as the caretakers. Here are some thoughts others have shared that can help you cope.

7. “We are lovable. Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay.” ― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

First and foremost, when our parents struggle with addiction, it can feel as if we don’t matter — but we do. You matter, and you deserve to be loved and cared for.

8. “Our parents can show us a lot of things: they can show us how we are to be and what things we ought to strive for, or they can show us how not to be and what things we ought to stray from.” ― C. JoyBell C.

Reframing the situation as an important lesson (although, maybe not a welcome one) can help you be more at peace with it. Ideally, our parents serve as guides for how to behave and interact with the world, and it’s easy to feel that the world “owes” us something if they weren’t. But they might also show us what mistakes not to repeat — and there’s value in those lessons as well.

9. “Detaching does not mean we don’t care. It means we learn to love, care, and be involved without going crazy.” ― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Sometimes, there’s simply nothing we can do at the moment to change the situation. And difficult as it may be, it’s okay to take a step back. There’s always hope in the future, but in the meantime, it’s fine (and maybe even necessary) to close certain doors.

Losing Someone To Addiction: Quotes To Cope With Loss

Unfortunately, sometimes no matter what we do, the outcome can be tragic. Many have lost loved ones to addiction. Here are some quotes to cope with loss.

10. “Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.” ― José N. Harris, Mi Vida: A Story of Faith, Hope and Love

The pain never completely goes away, and it’s never wrong to feel it. Try to see it as the evidence of love for the dear friend or family member who will always be with you in spirit.

11. “We are all the pieces of what we remember. We hold in ourselves the hopes and fears of those who love us. As long as there is love and memory, there is no true loss.” ― Cassandra Clare, City of Heavenly Fire

While it’s never wrong to feel our pain, it’s also never wrong to let it change and become a source of inspiration. The hardest experiences can transform into something meaningful with time.

12. “Life seems sometimes like nothing more than a series of losses, from beginning to end. That's the given. How you respond to those losses, what you make of what's left, that's the part you have to make up as you go.” ― Katharine Weber, The Music Lesson

Transcending pain is all about accepting the loss while making something meaningful out of the experience. For example, when (and if) you’re ready, you could be a lifeline for someone who is facing similar challenges.

Choosing Drugs Over Family: Quotes To Ease the Pain

Once dependence on a substance sets in, the addict’s personality and behaviors inevitably change. It can seem like all they want is to find their drug of choice — whether that’s a bottle of wine at the local store (or hidden in the hamper), a drug they bought from a seedy dealer, or even a prescription they lied about misusing. These quotes shed light on the situation.

13. “I have no power at all over people, places and things, and if I ever for a moment mistakenly believe that I do, and act as if I do, pain is on its way.” ― Russell Brand, Recovery: Freedom from Our Addictions

While this quote refers to the experience of an addict (who has recovered and is now helping others do the same!), it’s equally relevant to the experience of family and loved ones. For better or worse, what happens outside of our control isn’t up to us.

14. “We don’t have to take things so personally. We take things to heart that we have no business taking to heart. For instance, saying ‘If you loved me you wouldn’t drink’ to an alcoholic makes as much sense as saying ‘If you loved me, you wouldn’t cough’ to someone who has pneumonia.” ― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Remember how we said that addiction is a physical process that gains momentum without our control? Understanding the nature of addiction — so painful to witness and experience firsthand — can ultimately help us.

15. “Sometimes, no matter how hard we try for someone and hope that they will get better in time — they never do. Abusive relationships shouldn’t have a key to your chambers of heart. Hold your key and keep it close. Don’t end up getting addicted to such pain or human beings — for that matter. You might not be Thor but they can surely be Loki and hold you prisoner to their trickster nature.” ― Sijdah Hussain, Red Sugar, No More

It’s easier said than done to point out that the actions of others are not up to us to control. There’s always that small glimmer of hope that maybe “this time will be different.” And sometimes it is!

But the truth is, even if the situation doesn’t change, you have another important life to protect — your own. And that’s not only an option, it’s actually your most important responsibility.

Looking to the Future

In the end, addiction leaves a mark on everyone who experiences it — whether firsthand or as a witness. But there’s hope! Thousands of people (many of them part of the Reframe community) have found the light of recovery at the end of the tunnel and are leading happier, healthier lives than they ever thought possible. We wish you the best of luck on your journey. Remember, the Reframe community is here to support you along the way.